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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to drive 40 minutes to return a Jam Jar?

554 replies

itsme189 · 21/10/2021 11:00

A family member (partners side) made us all Jam for Christmas last year, lovely gift and was very nice.

They now want all the Jars back to do it again they are like Kilner Jars (just not branded I don't think) I do still have it in the random Tupperware cupboard.

I would have to drive 40 minutes to return the Jar DH thinks I should as it is thiers. I just said it was a gift and I am happy to not receive any Jam this year to avoid this. We wont see them between now and Christmas. He thinks I'm being unreasonable?

DH can't drive and there is no public transport to where they live!

OP posts:
NigellaSeed · 23/10/2021 12:14

Tell them to shove their jam up their butts.

HereWeGoAgains · 23/10/2021 12:44

@NigellaSeed

Tell them to shove their jam up their butts.
Now there’s an answer that hasn’t been repeated 74000000 times!
masterblaster · 23/10/2021 13:09

Tell them you used it to make jam yourself, and yours was better.

DrSbaitso · 23/10/2021 13:51

@TacoTues

IF you see her over Christmas and miraculously get given a new jar of jam.

Please do this:

Be delighted about it and somewhat OTT about how important it is she gets her lovely jar back.

Open it in front of her. Scrape the contents into a sandwich bag. Give her back the sticky jar. Sandwich bag of jam in the fridge.

Sure you could put it into a tub. But there's something about the thought of you putting it into a bag that's making me giggle.

That's a good idea. If you can get a relative in on it, they could make a big show of presenting you with their own highly personal gift: a bog standard jam jar, ideally from the cheapest supermarket own brand. You can then whoop, kiss, wipe your eye and make a huge production of decanting the sacred jam not into a bag, but into THE JAM JAR THAT WAS SUCH A WONDERFUL GIFT IN ITSELF THAT IT COULDN'T BE INCLUDED WITH THE JAM, and give the original, sticky jar back to crazy jam person.
DrSbaitso · 23/10/2021 13:53

Yes they should, but still doesnt mean the other party cant be nice and go above and beyond.

But hey ho. If people wish to live in a society that doesnt act like that, then that is up to them.
And that is indeed what we are getting to in the UK. People are not caring about others.

We all reap what we sow.

Today a jam jar from a cheaparse relative, tomorrow THE COLLAPSE OF SOCIETY

Eralos · 23/10/2021 13:54

I’m half expecting to see a thread pop up “am I BU to expect my jar returned?” 😂

DedalusBloom · 23/10/2021 14:19

@DrSbaitso

Yes they should, but still doesnt mean the other party cant be nice and go above and beyond.

But hey ho. If people wish to live in a society that doesnt act like that, then that is up to them.
And that is indeed what we are getting to in the UK. People are not caring about others.

We all reap what we sow.

Today a jam jar from a cheaparse relative, tomorrow THE COLLAPSE OF SOCIETY

That's a quality Lol right there.
CuriousCassie · 23/10/2021 15:33

It's definitely your DH's problem, not yours. Tell him to get off his sorry backside and fix it. Environmentally.

Petlover9 · 23/10/2021 15:38

[quote itsme189]@BigSandyBalls2015 far far from it they have a huge house, a boat, always off on fancy holidays, expensive cars etc. Also I just dont care about the Jam. No Jar, no Jam fine by me![/quote]
OP - You have got it right. You could emphasise the costs/outgoings that you have had and add that driving 80miles is just too expensive. Or say that you assumed the JAR was part of their present to you and you put bath salts in it for a charity donation

pompomsgalore · 23/10/2021 16:33

@Eralos

I’m half expecting to see a thread pop up “am I BU to expect my jar returned?” 😂
I would love that.
WhiskyXray · 23/10/2021 16:52

What am I missing? Is it a stained glass jar from Tiffany's? Or the Holy fucking Grail with a lid on it? Who the hell would expect you to even keep a jar? It would have gone in our glass recycling bin months ago!

RealBecca · 23/10/2021 17:13

He shoukd tell them to fuck off. Actually, theyve asked him to return it and he is trying to oursource it to you. No. Tell him to take public transport or lie and tell them he dropped it. Not your problem.

And whatever you do, don't eat any of this year's jam or he will say you had thr benefit too!

Insanelysilver · 23/10/2021 17:24

You think it was about the eco friendliness of re using the jam jars, but I think driving for that amount of time would probably cancel that out. So I think it must be about saving them the money of replacing the jars more then saving the planet.
I’m which case you may as well send her one by Amazon.

myheartskippedabeat · 23/10/2021 18:03

How ridiculous
I'd have chucked that out months ago
Tell them sorry you've binned it

Lostmarbles2021 · 23/10/2021 18:06

Oh dear god. The OP has left the building. I was finding the loop of new advice (after the OP had dealt with it) funny at first. I even amused myself with a little game. But even I’m getting tired of the emails now.

She’s dealt with it. She said no and the poor thing will now not get any Christmas jam from these tight fisted CFs.

Is the OP bothered? No!

We can all stand down now. Grin

WhiskyXray · 23/10/2021 19:08

You can unwatch the thread, @Lostmarbles2021

There are myriad posts which are variations on the one you just posted, too...

Lostmarbles2021 · 23/10/2021 19:26

WhiskyXray

I did not know that. Thanks.

I didn’t spot that irony. Grin I just needed to vent.

Will slink off and quietly unwatch with my tail between my legs. Grin

LoisLane66 · 23/10/2021 20:23

A friend makes marmalade and chutneys as gifts for various friends and uses donated Bonne Maman jars with the red/white checked screw-top lids. They look very festive and she sometimes ties raffia around near the rim with a brown card attached with the name of friend and contents of jar or sometimes a peel off sticker.
Whenever she next delivers a gift or plans on seeing anyone at WI or some other venue, they bring the clean used jar back to her. I myself don't like marmalade with bits in but I do buy those conserves with checked tops and save the empty ones for her.
That seems the best solution.

Believer99 · 24/10/2021 12:22

40 minutes is not long at all and they are literally being kind and wanting to do something nice for you as they did last year. Surely you could go and visit them and whilst there return their jar.

Why you being so miserable about it.

LittleBearPad · 24/10/2021 12:25

@Believer99

40 minutes is not long at all and they are literally being kind and wanting to do something nice for you as they did last year. Surely you could go and visit them and whilst there return their jar.

Why you being so miserable about it.

You are joking? Confused

80 minute drive for a jar of homemade jam. Bollocks to that.

They aren’t doing something nice. They are doing something they want to do and imposing on everyone else to make it happen.

ikeptgoing · 24/10/2021 12:48

I agree LittleBear

It's a ridiculous ask and environmentally idiotic to waste that level of unnecessary petrol & journey for a £1.50 empty jam jar that was part of the gift.

Since the gift giver didn't see it worth their time nor petrol to drive to collect it themselves. ,

Why expect that of a busy parent with DCs who explained she wasn't able to drive to drop it off? She's offeredit back and the Aunt can collect it when she is visiting family at Xmas anyway. OP isn't bothered about getting a full jar of homemade jam back with strings of "you just drive 80 minutes to return it to me" without even being asked if you want the bloody jam!

It was a gift OP later found had ridiculous expectations attached. I wouldn't drive to return empty jar, I'd have said collect it when we see you next (if I hadn't already given it away or recycled it 10 months prior!) as this was first time she heard said cheap empty jar was wanted back!

backtolifebacktoreality · 24/10/2021 14:40

@Believer99

40 minutes is not long at all and they are literally being kind and wanting to do something nice for you as they did last year. Surely you could go and visit them and whilst there return their jar.

Why you being so miserable about it.

Are you serious?
backtolifebacktoreality · 24/10/2021 14:42

I know it will cost you, but to shut her up and put her in her place, I'd be tempted to drive the jar back but make a point of telling her you don't want any more this year!

Whereismumhiding3 · 24/10/2021 15:06

@backtolifebacktoreality

I'm not sure that'd really "teach her"Smile

If aunt has brass neck enough to demand 80 mile (or whatever distance) round trip for an empty glass jar that she doesn't want to drive but expects others to do, she's likely to be far too inflexible in her thinking to realise how unreasonable she is. Better to let her collect empties at Xmas gathering with OP saying "here's your empty jamjar. Although it's kind of you to gift homemade jam to us for Xmas, we would rather not participate in anything requiring us to later drive 80 mile round trip to return an empty jamjar. That's so uneco friendly to the environment. Why don't you save your lovely homemade jam for local friends. I'm sure they'd appreciate it and find it easier to return empties to you "

I don't know if that's sound rude but aunts text reply earlier was self important and rude.

Animood · 24/10/2021 15:20

Just lie and say you recycled it.