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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to drive 40 minutes to return a Jam Jar?

554 replies

itsme189 · 21/10/2021 11:00

A family member (partners side) made us all Jam for Christmas last year, lovely gift and was very nice.

They now want all the Jars back to do it again they are like Kilner Jars (just not branded I don't think) I do still have it in the random Tupperware cupboard.

I would have to drive 40 minutes to return the Jar DH thinks I should as it is thiers. I just said it was a gift and I am happy to not receive any Jam this year to avoid this. We wont see them between now and Christmas. He thinks I'm being unreasonable?

DH can't drive and there is no public transport to where they live!

OP posts:
BackBoiler · 23/10/2021 08:32

Just say no!

Okbutnotgreat · 23/10/2021 08:38

I love this thread and think they are clearly mad as hatters because obviously the jar was part of the original gift.
Glad you said no @itsme189 but whatever happened to ‘no is a complete sentence’? Used to see it on here all the time and I’ve been known to use it in rl to great effect.

Lalliella · 23/10/2021 08:51

@itsme189

They messaged everyone individually asking for them back.

They've responded "I dont really want to drive all the way there, hopefully other people are more willing to return theirs or this will get expensive. And yeah I wont be making any for people who cant return it"

I DONT WANT YOUR BLODDY JAM

I just said no problem maybe let people know you need the Jar back next time.

How bizarre. I would put a cheque in the post to them for £1.50 😂
Seahorsemama · 23/10/2021 09:07

Send a new one via Amazon

Lostmarbles2021 · 23/10/2021 09:14

Oooo. That’s four!

HereWeGoAgains · 23/10/2021 09:19

@Lostmarbles2021 this thread is going to go on forever in an infinite loop of posters suggesting

Send one on Amazon
Just post it back
Can’t a relative drop it off
Tell her you recycled it

Until the end of time.
Grin

Lostmarbles2021 · 23/10/2021 09:46

HereWeGoAgains

Ha ha. Possibly so.

I’m hoping for just one more advice post so I can win my totally pointless bet against absolutely nobody else just because I’m in bed poorly and very bored! Just one more.

helpIhateclothesshopping · 23/10/2021 09:46

If another relative you see more often is likely to see them, get them to pass it on but I wouldn't make a special trip.

DedalusBloom · 23/10/2021 09:57

I know, I keep coming back to this thread thinking that the OP has had some additionally batshit convo with the relative but it's just more and more people suggesting she order one from Amazon.

I wish MN would restrict threads to 250 posts but I doubt it would stop the terminally hard of thinking/reading posting EXACTLY THE SAME ADVICE on a sort of infernal loop.

Lostmarbles2021 · 23/10/2021 10:00

YES! That’s five. I win! I win! Grin

I’m not going to look again and then I can’t lose my totally pointless bet against myself and have cheered myself up tremendously Grin

FallingStar21 · 23/10/2021 10:08

Who on Earth gives such a gift and expects:

  1. People will be keeping an empty jar for another year
  2. People will have to return the jar (especially after a year!)
  3. People to drive 80 mins to return said jar

and then gets grumpy when people say no!!!

LMAO at this idiotic, super tight and petty relative Grin Grin Grin

Gardenglove · 23/10/2021 10:10

I would say that's fine, you're happy not to receive jam this year. Otherwise it'll probably come with a load more conditions next year - probably want you to steralise it and print labels or something! What cheapskates and how rude, that's how they can afford a boat I expect!
I wouldn't be inclined to make excuses or go to loads of bother sending etc just leave it at that and be happy to be off their conditional gift list!! They obviously have a very high opinion of their jam as the request seems to suggest you're all desperate to get some. Entitled and deluded!!

gnushoes · 23/10/2021 10:11

Tell them you've made jam and the jar is full 😀

wentworthinmate · 23/10/2021 10:12

@Lostmarbles2021

YES! That’s five. I win! I win! Grin

I’m not going to look again and then I can’t lose my totally pointless bet against myself and have cheered myself up tremendously Grin

Six just for the heck of it!

Did like post below about returning a jar with the 'present' still inside. That'd give them something to think about.

Lostmarbles2021 · 23/10/2021 10:19

Damn it. I looked. It’s more than five now. I lost the totally pointless bet against myself.

This could go on a while.

Lostmarbles2021 · 23/10/2021 10:21

DedalusBloom

Place a new bet? Grin

lightand · 23/10/2021 10:22

@DedalusBloom

I know, I keep coming back to this thread thinking that the OP has had some additionally batshit convo with the relative but it's just more and more people suggesting she order one from Amazon.

I wish MN would restrict threads to 250 posts but I doubt it would stop the terminally hard of thinking/reading posting EXACTLY THE SAME ADVICE on a sort of infernal loop.

I leave threads.

Only come back onto this one as I said something poss controversial about 5 pages back, and was interested to see if anyone responded.

I leave comments on threads most times, and never return. So no idea if anyone ever replied or disagreed with me!

lightand · 23/10/2021 10:24

ooh people did reply. and didnt like my comment!

Who cares! Doesnt matter does it? I might add something, or I may not.

lightand · 23/10/2021 10:29

Only read two replies.

Yes, I know that the relative is being a bit unreasonable, yes I know lots of petrol money, but life has more important things than money in it.

Family harmony, family unity, people going out of their way for other people, being nice, being kind, being helpful. All those types of things trump money.

icelolly12 · 23/10/2021 10:35

@lightand it's not the money people are bothered about, it's the sheer audacity of the Aunt-she needs to realise that it's not reasonable to demand old jam jars back at the drop of a hat when people have to travel 40 minutes each way.

It's jam big bloody deal, op has stated she's more than happy not to receive any more this year and I don't blame her. It's the Aunt that has lost the point of Christmas spirit and the joy of giving not the op.

TacoTues · 23/10/2021 10:58

IF you see her over Christmas and miraculously get given a new jar of jam.

Please do this:

Be delighted about it and somewhat OTT about how important it is she gets her lovely jar back.

Open it in front of her. Scrape the contents into a sandwich bag. Give her back the sticky jar. Sandwich bag of jam in the fridge.

Sure you could put it into a tub. But there's something about the thought of you putting it into a bag that's making me giggle.

sunglassesonthetable · 23/10/2021 11:36

*Yes, I know that the relative is being a bit unreasonable, yes I know lots of petrol money, but life has more important things than money in it.

Family harmony, family unity, people going out of their way for other people, being nice, being kind, being helpful. All those types of things trump money.*

Nah relative is being more than a BIT unreasonable. ^
^
And their reply to OP's text was awful. I think THEY are the ones who should be thinking about family harmony and being nice kind and helpful.

sunglassesonthetable · 23/10/2021 11:37

*Yes, I know that the relative is being a bit unreasonable, yes I know lots of petrol money, but life has more important things than money in it.

Family harmony, family unity, people going out of their way for other people, being nice, being kind, being helpful. All those types of things trump money.**

Nah relative is being more than a BIT unreasonable. ^
^
And their reply to OP's text was awful. I think THEY are the ones who should be thinking about family harmony and being nice kind and helpful.

PennyPinkPineapple · 23/10/2021 11:47

@AdobeWanKenobi

Ffs people have zero comprehension don't they?

Cancel the jam.

I love this! #cancelthejam 😂
lightand · 23/10/2021 11:54

@sunglassesonthetable

*Yes, I know that the relative is being a bit unreasonable, yes I know lots of petrol money, but life has more important things than money in it.

Family harmony, family unity, people going out of their way for other people, being nice, being kind, being helpful. All those types of things trump money.**

Nah relative is being more than a BIT unreasonable. ^
^
And their reply to OP's text was awful. I think THEY are the ones who should be thinking about family harmony and being nice kind and helpful.

Yes they should, but still doesnt mean the other party cant be nice and go above and beyond.

But hey ho. If people wish to live in a society that doesnt act like that, then that is up to them.
And that is indeed what we are getting to in the UK. People are not caring about others.

We all reap what we sow.