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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to drive 40 minutes to return a Jam Jar?

554 replies

itsme189 · 21/10/2021 11:00

A family member (partners side) made us all Jam for Christmas last year, lovely gift and was very nice.

They now want all the Jars back to do it again they are like Kilner Jars (just not branded I don't think) I do still have it in the random Tupperware cupboard.

I would have to drive 40 minutes to return the Jar DH thinks I should as it is thiers. I just said it was a gift and I am happy to not receive any Jam this year to avoid this. We wont see them between now and Christmas. He thinks I'm being unreasonable?

DH can't drive and there is no public transport to where they live!

OP posts:
plinkplinkfizzer · 22/10/2021 22:36

This has probably already been said but can it not be dropped off to the nearest relative to you , and then they can drop off to their next nearest relative etc . until they all get home .

CrankyFrankie · 22/10/2021 22:39

They are absolute idiots with their heads in the clouds. Good for you for standing firm, stuff their cheapo jam!

Cocogreen · 22/10/2021 22:51

They've responded "I dont really want to drive all the way there, hopefully other people are more willing to return theirs or this will get expensive. And yeah I wont be making any for people who cant return it"

Oh Lord, how precious they are.
I'm really hoping they don't get any jars back then they might realise they're being ridiculous.

Patapouf · 22/10/2021 22:53

I'd probably be really passive aggressive and order them a jar of jam to their house for them to make use of the jar...

AdobeWanKenobi · 22/10/2021 23:00

Come on people it's not difficult.

OP Post click See All

And the ending will all be revealed to you.....magic

Industrialwash · 22/10/2021 23:01

Your relative is actually insane!
I've occasionally made family homemade gifts of food (particularly recipes my late Mum used to make us - so I know they are happily received as it's a link to her at Christmas) and I package them nicely and it would never ever ever occur to me to ask for the packaging back.
A glass jar would go in the recycling as soon as it was emptied and cleaned wouldn't it?

Londongent · 22/10/2021 23:25

Not read the full thread but can't you just say the jar went in the recycling bin? Surprised it didn't tbh

Londongent · 22/10/2021 23:27

Or alternatively just say, "don't be ridiculous, I'm not driving 40 minutes just to return a jam jar"

FortunesFave · 22/10/2021 23:31

Drop it. Then message and apologise that it's broken.

FortunesFave · 22/10/2021 23:31

@AdobeWanKenobi

Come on people it's not difficult.

OP Post click See All

And the ending will all be revealed to you.....magic

I think that's only on phones....I can't see it anyway on my PC
msgreen · 22/10/2021 23:39

Sounds like a clumsy ruse on their part to get you/your partner to visit?
I would say I used it to make blackberry vodka or some such thing and this year you are happy to have any old jar from their recycling this year

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 22/10/2021 23:50

@FortunesFave

Nope, works on PC too.

Starseeking · 22/10/2021 23:54

If your DH is so keen on the jar going back, perhaps you could suggest he does this trip himself...on public transport. You won't hear another peep out of him Wink

Gooseysgirl · 22/10/2021 23:55

Jesus Christ 🙄 What a lunatic!!! Wrap it up and give it back to them on Christmas Day. How ignorant

Dancingonmoonlight · 23/10/2021 00:16

@itsme189

They messaged everyone individually asking for them back.

They've responded "I dont really want to drive all the way there, hopefully other people are more willing to return theirs or this will get expensive. And yeah I wont be making any for people who cant return it"

I DONT WANT YOUR BLODDY JAM

I just said no problem maybe let people know you need the Jar back next time.

People make chutneys and jams because they have excess fruit and they enjoy making them.
They gain more from this than the recipient.

I appreciate homemade gifts but I don't appreciate how grateful we have to pretend to be when we receive them. DH's cousin 'gifts' a jar every Christmas and we have to fall over ourselves with feigned gratitude and awe at his jam making skills. We can meet him in December/April/June or September and he will ask about 'his' jam and we will have to be 'interested' and again thank him profusely for his 'amazing jam'.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if he asked for his jars back under the guise of 'eco awareness'. I'd personally decant the bloody stuff into a ziplock bag in front of him than hand deliver his jar back.

JuneJuly · 23/10/2021 03:10

@AdobeWanKenobi

Come on people it's not difficult.

OP Post click See All

And the ending will all be revealed to you.....magic

Also, you can highlight OP's posts (and your own posts) in a colour of your choosing so you can scroll through & pick them out easily. Although, the 'see all' function is definitely the best way of avoiding all the pointless, repetitive responses - of which this thread is a prime example!
TasteTheMeatNotTheHeat · 23/10/2021 04:45

Cancel the jam?

I feel we have reached that point.

Tron1982 · 23/10/2021 05:44

Sell the jar and live off the profit or leave the country as they may find you.

UseOfWeapons · 23/10/2021 07:27

I think you did the most gracious thing under the circumstance, by suggesting they pick up the jar if they are in vicinity. It’s a lot more polite than I probably would have been.
I’ve made jams, marmalade, sloe gin and all sorts for family and friends, and the only time I asked for a receptacle back, was once when a friend wanted to try the sloe gin, so I decanted some into a small bottle. I asked for it back, as it was the only one I had for samples. She forgot, threw in recycling , and I didn’t worry about it.

Once you give a gift, you can’t ask for it back. Silly person should have asked at the point of giving if she could have jars back , if it was that important to her.

mycatisannoying · 23/10/2021 07:36

YANBU!

DrSbaitso · 23/10/2021 07:59

Say you tried to drive it over but you got stuck in a traffic jam.

Lostmarbles2021 · 23/10/2021 08:02

I keep seeing this pop up to the top even though the OP has dealt with it and left. I’m opening bets on how many more bits of advice will be posted before this thread trundles off to the archives...

My bet is five more.

Anyone else care to bet?

NB lighthearted and not goady. Just a bit of fun. Wink

maternitycoat · 23/10/2021 08:12

What a selfish gift.

I hate this sort of thing. I do not like other people's home made chutney 🤢

Id my relative asks for a jar back from last year, it will still be unopened 😅 id gladly hand over

DrSbaitso · 23/10/2021 08:13

That's because it's a great thread.

Maybe OP has gone off to join a famous 90s rock band. They will use the jar as a spare drum and cover it with pearls for extra onstage sparkle. And they will call the band....

DrSbaitso · 23/10/2021 08:15

I do not like other people's home made chutney 🤢

Vomit face? Does it not taste good? Jam and chutney are hard to fuck up. You can even make them in a breadmaker.