To have left them outside for 10 minutes

[Notoday]

I'm a few days away from having a cesarian. I'm having to take some suppressant medication that makes me poorly, so that's fun. I've spent the last week between the bed and the bathroom.

My partner who lives with me went to collect his kids from school and bring them here but he didn't take his keys with him as usual thus leaving the door unlocked.

Naturally if I'm stuck on the toilet or vomiting into a bowl I'm not going to want to leave my door unlocked as I live on a main road, so I locked it until he gets back.

Typically they arrive back when I'm stuck in the bathroom. I couldn't do much about that unfortunately so they had to wait 10 minutes or so until I was able to go and let them in.

DP comes in doing a silly dance saying how much he's bursting for a wee and his youngest DC is majorly pissed off about having to wait outside for so long.

WIBU to have locked the door and made them wait as opposed to leaving the toilet to open the door?

I don't understand why you locked the door - so YABU

Naturally? Why would this be a given? I don't know why you would feel the need to lock your door if he was going to be home in a few minutes. We leave our door unlocked all day usually, once it's been unlocked and if someone is home.

Maybe it's because you point blank refuse to see anyone else's POV, Nobody cares that you're a step mum. FFS.

I mean he should have taken the keys yes but I think you're being rather theatrical with the door needing to be locked.

A mere selection of the latest nasty, aggressive and ‘faux confused’ posts from some unhappy people.

So because some of you live ‘in the suburbs’ (😂) you think you can judge the OP for wanting to keep her door locked while she’s ill on the loo, in a dicey area, with a door that opens up onto the main road, where she’s been burgled before, while nine months pregnant…

I don’t understand. Do some of you really believe that a poor man can’t be expected to remember his front door keys, so therefore the OP needs to be abused by you so she can understand how inferior she is?!

@BlueberrySugar

I don't get peoples issue with the DP doing a silly dance. He was probably trying to lighten the mood with his kids. The act his age comments are bit .

Oh, I forgot you can't mess about with your children on MN.

I can confirm he was doing an elaborate jig to demonstrate how inconvenienced he was by me having locked the door.

How far away is the school and does he have bladder issues?

@NoDecentHandlesLeft

Doesn't leaving a door unlocked invalidate your insurance if you get burgled?

Nope, I'm pretty sure it doesn't. Maybe if you're not home, but not if you're in the house!

Why is it OP fault!!!

She is ill

She needed to lock the door to have a shit and be sick probably, and feel safe

The Grown Man Should Have Taken His Keys!!!

But hey its a poor little man so hey it must be the woman's fault...

Fuck the fuck off.

@NoDecentHandlesLeft

Doesn't leaving a door unlocked invalidate your insurance if you get burgled?

Yes. This is what I came to say.

Also, MN land is completely weird. Only here would it be ridiculous to answer your door when someone knocks, and yet and at the same time be ridiculous to keep that door locked when you are at home.

If being contrary for the sake of it was an Olympic sport, I know where I’d come to scout for talent.

@Notoday

I live in a rough area, renown for crime and drug addicts unfortunately. I've been burgled once in the past already so that likely makes me alot more wary about an unsecured home.

If I could have left the toilet to let them in quickly then rush back then I absolutely would have, it wasn't an option.

If you are absolutely 100% about it, I really don’t see the point of posting.

@TheChip

If you knew he didn't have his key, then it would have been better to leave the door unlocked. I also don't take my key if I know someone is in.

How can you be certain the person you left at home will still be able to let you in when you get back? What if they need to go out in an emergency such as an elderly parent is ill or has an accident? Or ill child needs picking up from school? Or neighbour has an emergency and asks them to go and help? Or they have an emergency in the house which means they can't let you in? Such as becoming ill with D&V or food poisoning and not being able to leave the toilet? Or what if they just decide to go out themselves, assuming that as an adult you took your house keys with you?

@AutumnLeafy

How far away is the school and does he have bladder issues?

Didn't drive so it was a 25 minute walk there, 35ish minute walk back because they stop off at the shop on the way here.

No diagnosed bladder issues no but is apparently incapable of holding his wee so who knows.

I don't think either of you necessarily WBU. If he normally pops put and just comes back to an unlocked door, then I can see why he wouldn't think his keys necessary on this particular day. However, you were not unreasonable to lock it if you felt that was safer.

If you always lock the door behind him and he always has to knock to be let back in, then he is unreasonable.

If you knew you had been ill all day and knew you would be, uncharacteristically, locking the door after him, knowing he tends not to take a key then I think ywbu

We were burgled once. It took me years to feel secure again in my own home. Like hell would I have left the door unlocked if I was somewhere I couldn't physically see it (or usually, even if I could). By not taking his keys (note, not forgetting them, actively refusing to take them) he's just being idle/careless and expecting that his ill partner will coming running to the door the minute he arrives if she's locked it for security.

OP you've said your partner lives with you, and When I was burgled. Is this your house, owned or rented in your name? Because if it is I'd be seriously considering just how much I liked a man who was deliberately making you feel insecure, even without the health issues you're currently having.

I first assumed it was young children.
If the younger one is 12 and there is an older DC I would expect one of them to also have their own keys.
YaNBU OP
Like a pp says when baby is here you might be having a nap dealing, dealing with a poonami or bf and not be able to answer the door straight away

Could you get a key safe if he (and DC) can not be relied on to have keys?

He needs to take his keys.

If he forgets them he needs to accept it’s his fault if he has to wait a bit.

I don’t get why other people’s way of living matters. If your door is always locked and all the household know that then people who don’t have their keys will be locked out. So it’s his fault.

@NormanStangerson

And another thread turns nasty so quickly, yet again.

The OP is ill, nine months pregnant, was on the loo with diarrhoea, her partner forgot his front door keys again and STILL people conclude that the OP must be in the wrong, and must therefore take a verbal kicking.

Jesus.

100% agree

I really don't get mumsnet sometimes

If you always lock the door behind him and he always has to knock to be let back in, then he is unreasonable

This is what always happens yes, because he almost never remembers to take his keys despite constant reminders. It doesn't usually cause him much inconvenience though as I'm always free to open the door straight away when he knocks, just not this time.

@NormanStangerson

And another thread turns nasty so quickly, yet again.

The OP is ill, nine months pregnant, was on the loo with diarrhoea, her partner forgot his front door keys again and STILL people conclude that the OP must be in the wrong, and must therefore take a verbal kicking.

Jesus.

Man on toilet with diarrhoea. Mum comes back with child and has to wait. Is it still the woman's fault?

@Feedingthebirds1

We were burgled once. It took me years to feel secure again in my own home. Like hell would I have left the door unlocked if I was somewhere I couldn't physically see it (or usually, even if I could). By not taking his keys (note, not forgetting them, actively refusing to take them) he's just being idle/careless and expecting that his ill partner will coming running to the door the minute he arrives if she's locked it for security.

OP you've said your partner lives with you, and When I was burgled. Is this your house, owned or rented in your name? Because if it is I'd be seriously considering just how much I liked a man who was deliberately making you feel insecure, even without the health issues you're currently having.

It's my place (rented in my name) but he has lived here with me for a couple of years.

I was burgled before DP came onto the scene but he knows all about it so knows how important it is to me that the door stays locked.

I lived in Herne Hill, Kennington, Vauxhall, Lambeth, Finsbury Park, Stoke Newington and Canonbury. In none of these places would I have left the front door unlocked for ten minutes.

OP, I hope you feel better soon, that the CS goes well and that your not wildly impressive-sounding DP pulls his finger out when the baby is here.

@NormanStangerson

I don't understand why you locked the door - so YABU

Naturally? Why would this be a given? I don't know why you would feel the need to lock your door if he was going to be home in a few minutes. We leave our door unlocked all day usually, once it's been unlocked and if someone is home.

Maybe it's because you point blank refuse to see anyone else's POV, Nobody cares that you're a step mum. FFS.

I mean he should have taken the keys yes but I think you're being rather theatrical with the door needing to be locked.

A mere selection of the latest nasty, aggressive and ‘faux confused’ posts from some unhappy people.

So because some of you live ‘in the suburbs’ (😂) you think you can judge the OP for wanting to keep her door locked while she’s ill on the loo, in a dicey area, with a door that opens up onto the main road, where she’s been burgled before, while nine months pregnant…

I don’t understand. Do some of you really believe that a poor man can’t be expected to remember his front door keys, so therefore the OP needs to be abused by you so she can understand how inferior she is?!

I completely agree with you. I am pretty shocked by all the nasty posts, and have no idea why people are thinking it's so awful for the DP to have to take his keys with him, and for the OP to have locked the door. The door to my flat is always locked, whether I am at home or not. Just because some people leave their doors unlocked, it doesn't mean it's strange, wrong or weird for other people to lock their doors.

I’m actually really surprised that a lot of people on this thread leave their doors unlocked when they are in the house. I live in quite a low crime area and I would never leave my house unlocked, it would just feel really unsafe to me.

My brothers house was broken into recently, while he was working from home and my mum was babysitting their son. The burglar had come in through the unlocked back door. Thankfully they just took a few things and left without having been seen as I’ve heard of other people being hurt during break ins.

OP I don’t think you were unreasonable at all.

I live in a fairly rural area but I always lock my doors. Why take a pointless risk? It certainly wouldn't occur to me to unlock a door just in case an adult forgot their keys and wouldn't be able to wait while I finished vomiting / shitting, especially if I was 9 months pregnant with their baby.

I seem to remember last time mumsnet had a discussion on door locking there was a clear divide,with both groups thinking the others were total loins.

Is suggesting getting a key safe to keep outside OP, but if he continually forgets his keys you may find that getting you to answer the door to him is actually his goal...

We always lock our door and we're in a considerably safer area than you OP so no you're definitely NU!! Our last house had a door which locked as soon as it was shut which we much preferred! Will be changing our current door to the same when we finally get around to changing them all! Next time hopefully he'll remember to take his keys!! x

I live by myself. Somehow I am capable of remembering my keys because if I didn't, I'd be screwed. YANBU.

YABU for not having proper locks fitted a long time ago - no more danger of leaving the door inadvertently unlocked, plus your partner might not have fallen into his silly keyless habits in the first place.

He knows the door is always kept locked. He knows you're ill. It is his responsibility to take his bloody keys!