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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ring missing friends workplace to find out if she's okay?

329 replies

paribythelake · 18/10/2021 21:29

NC for this.

So a very close friend has gone missing
She did message me to ask me to unfollow one of her family members that followed me due to some family drama so I did.

She's a junior doctor so very busy and I went to whatsapp her. And her profile pic disappeared and one tick.
On social media her profiles have disappeared, and her mother's too.
Linked in everything has gone.

There is literal no trace of their online presence ever.

Now I don't know if I should drive to her house and knock on or ring her place of work and ask (tbhI don't know what I would say)

So would I be unreasonable to do this? I'm quite worried.

I'm not going to run off but be putting children to bed (way past their bedtime) so will come back shortly Smile

OP posts:
saraclara · 18/10/2021 23:00

If she and her mother are scared enough to have blocked all social media AND their landline, I don't think you should go knocking on her door. They will probably be terrified by a knock and think the worst. They're certainly unlikely to answer, so why put them through the fear?.

Coffeeonmytoffee · 18/10/2021 23:02

I suspect she has ghosted you.

justasking111 · 18/10/2021 23:03

She may have been advised by the police to do this.

If this relative tries contacting you or anyone they will hit a brick wall of ignorance. None of you know anything now. Her employer may be in the loop so contacting them will not work

Mollymalone123 · 18/10/2021 23:04

It just sounds like she has changed her number and come off all sm along with her mother as maybe they were being harassed by a family member.
I would leave things be and I’m sure she will be in contact with you at some point.

justasking111 · 18/10/2021 23:05

Close family went through this it wound up in a hostage situation that lasted four long hours. He had a knife and was ready to use it.

TatianaBis · 18/10/2021 23:06

It sounds to me like she’s closed all social media accounts and ditched her SIM card and got a new one.

She must be under threat of something serious to do this.

I’d pass by her place of work and her home, but she may be staying elsewhere.

What culture is she from?

TatianaBis · 18/10/2021 23:08

There’s no harm in passing by to check she’s still alive, but I would leave her alone. She will contact you again in time.

ChristmasPlanning · 18/10/2021 23:09

It you are genuinely concerned I would drive to her house. If she lives in another city I would call the police to do a welfare check

TenPenceMix · 18/10/2021 23:09

Sounds like she has ghosted you. Have you tried phoning/texting using a different number?

R0tational · 18/10/2021 23:10

This is very concerning!!

Newmummytoakitten · 18/10/2021 23:12

Her and her mum been placed into witness protection?

Original poster
paribythelake · 18/10/2021 23:13

Thank you all for the messages

I am truly hoping it is the fact they've changed numbers, closed all accounts for a while.

However if I found out something bad happened then I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.

I will go round tomorrow and knock. If no-body answers I'll leave a card with a message. I'll even buy a cheap phone so in case she doesn't want me to know her new number, she can text to say she's okays

I will be keeping this thread updated!

OP posts:
YouBringLightInToADarkPlace · 18/10/2021 23:14

I think you should trust your instincts OP. If she's ghosting you then that's easy to establish, but if it's something more concerning then you have to check.
I was listening to a radio programme (albeit about people trafficking) today and they were saying that if behaviour seems off then step up and act. What harm is there likely to come from checking?

Lessofallthisunpleasantness · 18/10/2021 23:20

Go to her house, not her work.

Xtraincome · 18/10/2021 23:23

Out there idea- if a family member is trying to smear her name could there be a family secret which has come out- maybe abuse from childhood?

Certain events or memories can cause people to escape for a while. I do hope you make contact with her soon.

weesmallhours · 18/10/2021 23:33

If she is really terrified of this relative, then the fact that this person followed you may make her afraid that you might not properly have removed that link and so the relative could somehow see/contact her through you.

CampAshpit · 18/10/2021 23:35

People are allowed to not like you

Cold response . Hmm
Even if the friend has stopped
"liking her", it dosent stop op from making sure she's Okay. Well most adults a would.

alreadytaken · 18/10/2021 23:36

She's gone off social media, maybe she's been threatened as many women are. For a close friend I'd go round if nearby, drop a message through the door saying I was concerned if no-one answered. If not neraby I'd send a card.

weesmallhours · 18/10/2021 23:38

If you get her a phone, make sure it's brand new and in a sealed box. If she's scared enough to have tried to vanish online, it could be she's scared enough to worry about this mad relative having got to people like you to try and work through you to make contact.

olidora63 · 18/10/2021 23:38

So difficult for you…I would rather over react and be a drama lama rather than not checking and something very wrong .💐

Icanflyhigh · 18/10/2021 23:49

If you are that worried, can you ask the police to do a safe and well check?

Kiduknot · 19/10/2021 00:02

I wouldn’t confuse things with a birthday card. Just a note to say you are worried and respect her privacy but could she please just contact you to say she’s actually safe. Perhaps enclose a stamped addressed envelope?

groovergirl · 19/10/2021 00:35

A card or note through her door might fall into the wrong hands. Maybe send it to her workplace (with your name and address on the back so that it doesn't look spooky)?

I know it's not the done thing to send personal mail to a workplace, but this is an unusual circumstance.

saraclara · 19/10/2021 00:39

Absolutely anything has the possibility to spook her..including a hand delivered letter through her door. Or some personal mail coming to work (unless your handwriting is really distinctive).

I honestly don't know what the answer is.

tintodeverano2 · 19/10/2021 00:42

@imnotacelebritygetmeoutofhere you can block people on LinkedIn. It's quite easy to do.

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