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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ring missing friends workplace to find out if she's okay?

329 replies

paribythelake · 18/10/2021 21:29

NC for this.

So a very close friend has gone missing
She did message me to ask me to unfollow one of her family members that followed me due to some family drama so I did.

She's a junior doctor so very busy and I went to whatsapp her. And her profile pic disappeared and one tick.
On social media her profiles have disappeared, and her mother's too.
Linked in everything has gone.

There is literal no trace of their online presence ever.

Now I don't know if I should drive to her house and knock on or ring her place of work and ask (tbhI don't know what I would say)

So would I be unreasonable to do this? I'm quite worried.

I'm not going to run off but be putting children to bed (way past their bedtime) so will come back shortly

OP posts:

Lalliella · 18/10/2021 22:24

Go round tomorrow and knock on her door. Perfectly reasonable as you’re worried about her.

To those of you saying to OP that she’s not a close friend - get back in the playground.

This strikes me as a bit odd tbh.

dangermouseisace · 18/10/2021 22:27

Maybe she's had to change her phone number? I changed mine when getting harassed...blocking someones number is no good because they can just get a new sim card or use someone else’s phone.

Beautiful3 · 18/10/2021 22:28

Sounds like she has removed all social media. I have done similar when feeling low. I would just text/phone her to say hi, is she okay kind of thing.

MarineBlue33 · 18/10/2021 22:28

I would definitely go around to see her wherever. I wouldn't care what it looks like- these circumstances are odd. I wouldn't rest until I could check up on her.
I mean she must realise others would be worried about her.

VestaTilley · 18/10/2021 22:28

I’d call her and send a normal text- say you’re worried about her. Sadly it sounds more likely that she’s blocked you.

If no reply I’d go to her house this week and just look for signs of activity before I rang her workplace.

imnotacelebritygetmeoutofhere · 18/10/2021 22:30

It doesn't sound like she's blocked you, as far as I know you can't block on LinkedIn for example. More likely she's removed her online presence and changed her number because of the family drama.
If you know her address, either call around there or post a card for her birthday with a note saying you've tried to contact her and are worried. Make sure you include your number in case she lost it during her phone switch!

winterchills · 18/10/2021 22:31

It sounds worrying but I would go for the card through her door first. Then maybe if no response then knock on.

MushMonster · 18/10/2021 22:34

I think the most likely reason is that she has removed all media accounts and changed number due to the family issues, and a relative contacting her friends, and possibly calling or texting her. So she ended the drama.
I would not contact her workplace, but yes send her a letter or card, and leave it at that. If you have a landline that she does not know about, write it down.

ComeTheFuck0nBridget · 18/10/2021 22:35

To be honest I would do it, under these circumstances. You don't have to embarrass her, if she answers at work or whatever then just say you were worried coz she disappeared off everything after what she said. Does she live with anyone?

EllaBob · 18/10/2021 22:35

Does seem like it’s more than just you being blocked with all traces of her and her mum disappearing including cutting their phones off entirely to the point of no straight-to-voicemail like the numbers are cancelled.

Any chance of witness protection/new identity situation and the ‘relative’ she mentioned isn’t actually just a relative?

trollopolis · 18/10/2021 22:36

She asked you to unfollow a family member, then both she and her mother blocked you on everything.

It might be worth a call to her place of work, at a time when you know she's at work, and ask to be put through. Or via bleep desk when on call, A normal reaction to that request will mean she's at work.

But this couid be a deliberate removal of you from her life, and also removing other family.

We have absolutely no idea what has gone on and whether she might want to do that. But if that is the case, then the only corse of action for you is to accept that she has made that decision, and leave her alone

HalzTangz · 18/10/2021 22:36

The profiles will be there, they have both blocked you on everything.

SoupDragon · 18/10/2021 22:41

@HalzTangz

The profiles will be there, they have both blocked you on everything.

Blocked her plus all her friends and family?

SoupDragon · 18/10/2021 22:42

OP I'd just send the birthday card and say you hope she OK etc. Then leave it.

HalzTangz · 18/10/2021 22:49

It's not impossible. I blocked an ex and all his friends and family

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 18/10/2021 22:49

Lets be sensible, if anything had happened to them they wouldn't have deleted all their social media and they wouldn't from the sounds of it have changed their numbers.

For what ever reason they don't want to be traced by this person so they have taken steps to protect themselves.

Aldidl · 18/10/2021 22:51

I would defo knock her door rather than leave a card.

The family thing… there’s no chance this is some “honour” thing is it?

ShaneTheThird · 18/10/2021 22:52

If it was my good friend I would just go and knock round her house to see if she's ok. Worst case scenario is she tells you she doesn't want to be your friend anymore.

BurntO · 18/10/2021 22:53

If she is a close friend I’d be over there that day.

NeverChange · 18/10/2021 22:55

It looks 99% like she has just changed her number and deleted all social media die ti the issue with the relative.

However,if you are close friends and this is out of character and there's a 1% chance it could be something else, I would be concerned too.

Call to her house. Hopefully she answers the door. If not,leave a note or birthday card, sating you are probably overreacting but concerned that you can't reach her by phone or social media and that you would just like her to let you know she's ok. Leave your phone number (just in case she no longer has it) and your email address.

If that gets no reaction,you could then try a discreet call to the hospital & just leave a message asking for her to call you.

TracyLords · 18/10/2021 22:55

Go to her house first thing tomorrow. Leave a note if she isn’t there. Also text her and tell her yiu are worried. I hope she’s ok

Staffy1 · 18/10/2021 22:55

Why do people keep saying she has blocked the OP when the OP has said more than once that other people looking for her or trying to contact her are getting the same lack of result? More likely she’s disabled all her social media accounts and phone.

AntiHop · 18/10/2021 22:59

I would drop her a card to say you're concerned about her.

BeaLola · 18/10/2021 22:59

If you live nearby I would pop round & knock on her door. If she is not in I would pop a card through the door saying you were concerned and include your contact details

Hope you get news soon and all is ok

DILevil · 18/10/2021 23:00

OP, I wouldn’t be able to sleep and would go round her house and check, or speak to a family member you know isn’t involved in what every is going on. People go missing and don’t wait 3 days to notify people.

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