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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ring missing friends workplace to find out if she's okay?

329 replies

paribythelake · 18/10/2021 21:29

NC for this.

So a very close friend has gone missing
She did message me to ask me to unfollow one of her family members that followed me due to some family drama so I did.

She's a junior doctor so very busy and I went to whatsapp her. And her profile pic disappeared and one tick.
On social media her profiles have disappeared, and her mother's too.
Linked in everything has gone.

There is literal no trace of their online presence ever.

Now I don't know if I should drive to her house and knock on or ring her place of work and ask (tbhI don't know what I would say)

So would I be unreasonable to do this? I'm quite worried.

I'm not going to run off but be putting children to bed (way past their bedtime) so will come back shortly Smile

OP posts:
Penistoe · 19/10/2021 22:11

This is concerning. I would report it to the police and relay the concerns. She is a good friend but left the county fort ever without telling you. This sounds eerie. I hope she is ok.

Shalala22 · 19/10/2021 22:12

It glitched so I didn't see the updates, sorted now.

specialsauce · 19/10/2021 22:15

Another possibility is that this was a relocated family, relocated for their own safety. If someone found out their whereabouts maybe they needed to be relocated again.

AliceMcK · 19/10/2021 22:20

After reading your update, I’d definitely be concerned. Why would a junior female doctor suddenly give everything up to permanently move to India without telling her friends. The Aunty thing is also concerning, comments about the Aunty trying to ruin her life, there are just as many women involved in “honour” related situations.

I’d definitely be reporting your concerns to the police. This might be a perfectly innocent situation but it might also be what your friend needs you to do.

whosaidtha · 19/10/2021 22:29

She didn't even have time to pack up her house that she had an auntie do it. Really weird.

saraclara · 19/10/2021 22:32

I doubt that the police can do anything. She's an adult. But all the same I think I'd want to take advice to see if something can be logged.

Do you know the details of any of her colleagues? I imagine there will be a lot of people worried about her right now.

Luna42 · 19/10/2021 22:42

If she is being taken away against her will, the police may be able to do something. OP said her mum "fled" to England originally. This is all very worrying. I would call Karma Nirvana for advice 0800 5999 247

saraclara · 19/10/2021 22:51

I would call Karma Nirvana for advice 0800 5999 247

I've just looked at their website. This is good advice, OP.

saraclara · 19/10/2021 22:53

"If you are at risk, or if you are concerned for someone who is, we are here to listen and to help."

In your place I'd definitely ask them how they perceive what has happened here, and if there's anything they can advise.

happy20218 · 19/10/2021 23:03

That's really strange ! I think you should report this . Just to be on the safe side . Surely they have jobs house obligations etc . Just just pack up and leave is strange . Maybe they ran away from their old life and have been found and have had to go off the radar again .

RoseChampagne · 19/10/2021 23:04

Sounds like she is going through something, My sister does this when she is spiralling and on a low point, shuts out everything .

From my own experience it might be her testing to see who cares about her and to see who notices she is gone, I would definately try make contact, even if you call work just to talk to her - you don't have to mention all the social media stuff just ask to talk to her.
if no luck there then post a caring note at her door or by any other means of communication that you have.

Sounds like you do care a lot and maybe she needs to see that - good luck and I hope shes ok.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 19/10/2021 23:06

You've given lots of people, husband etc, her number and getting them to call her. You're considering police and calling her place of work etc. OP with all due respect, this sounds completely claustrophobic and overkill. Is it maybe why she has blocked you, because you're too much?

RoseChampagne · 19/10/2021 23:06

ahh sorry only just saw updates now - sounds very ominous

clpsmum · 19/10/2021 23:22

@saraclara

I would call Karma Nirvana for advice 0800 5999 247

I've just looked at their website. This is good advice, OP.

This , please
IHateCoronavirus · 20/10/2021 01:51

Yes call the number. The aunt thing is worrying.

YouJustFoldItIn · 20/10/2021 05:55

This reply has been deleted

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YouJustFoldItIn · 20/10/2021 06:00

Two things could be happening here. She could have fled to India to avoid whatever is going on in the UK, or the opposite might be true and she could have been coerced/pressured to go to India to marry.

We are assuming the auntie who answered the door was on her side, helping her out by packing up her stuff and moving out for her.

But she could actually be one of the relatives who is forcing her to go to India. If this is the case I hope she remembers she has a tongue in her head and speaks out at the airport.

NataliaSerene · 20/10/2021 07:25

I would do something, not give up. It doesn’t sound right.

NataliaSerene · 20/10/2021 07:28

Is the auntie whose profile she asked you to unfollow still online?

ToykotoLosAngeles · 20/10/2021 08:13

@YouJustFoldItIn

So my question about culture was relevant it seems - could there be an honour aspect to this? Or the family think she's broken some cultural rule and have threatened her?

Same here. I just knew it. Sometimes you just get a spidey sense that there is a cultural/religious aspect attached to a story which is why I asked the OP to clarify.

OP I don't know what religion she is, but is there a possibility that her family expects her to marry her Auntie's son who would be her first cousin? Very common among Muslims, less so among Sikhs but it happens. Or if not her actual cousin then perhaps there is pressure on her from the auntie to enter into an arranged marriage that she does not want.

This was why I asked on about page 3 what exactly the OP thought might have happened to her but she didn't respond!
SaltySheepdog · 20/10/2021 08:17

I’d ring her workplace and report to the police.

SaltySheepdog · 20/10/2021 08:18

Possible coercion or forced situation.

YouJustFoldItIn · 20/10/2021 10:29

This was why I asked on about page 3 what exactly the OP thought might have happened to her but she didn't respond!

I think two or three of us asked specifically about that and the OP didn't respond to any of us. Confused

I would have helped to have had that context earlier on.

IntermittentParps · 20/10/2021 11:38

I immediately thought of Karma Nirvana too.
And, I don't think you should call her work (and they probably couldn't tell you anything anyway), but I do wonder what she's told them and what they think. Someone suddenly leaving her job with (I assume) hardly any notice is quite odd.

MyOtherProfile · 20/10/2021 12:04

Well done for going round OP. I hope she reaches out to you when she hears from her auntie.

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