To ring missing friends workplace to find out if she's okay?

[paribythelake]

NC for this.

So a very close friend has gone missing
She did message me to ask me to unfollow one of her family members that followed me due to some family drama so I did.

She's a junior doctor so very busy and I went to whatsapp her. And her profile pic disappeared and one tick.
On social media her profiles have disappeared, and her mother's too.
Linked in everything has gone.

There is literal no trace of their online presence ever.

Now I don't know if I should drive to her house and knock on or ring her place of work and ask (tbhI don't know what I would say)

So would I be unreasonable to do this? I'm quite worried.

I'm not going to run off but be putting children to bed (way past their bedtime) so will come back shortly

I would also recommend a welfare check by the police

@QuillBill

999!

‘Is the patient breathing.’

‘I don’t know but she’s not on Instagram anymore. I haven’t been round to her house to see if she’s ok or anything’

Yes, exactly. There’s no evidence at all anything has happened to this woman, rather than the reverse. The OP should respect her friend’s decision to come off SM and change her phone number. She’s possibly deciding who to give her new information to, once she’s established that she has shaken off the harassing family member.

I think the welfare check is a step too far imo.
There is no reason to believe that the OP is in any danger, and of there was cause for concern that would require a welfare check then her job would be on it.

So far it sounds like a nightmare relative is being an arse and they're removing themselves from the drama.

I think it's fine to call her work and ask to speak with Dr such and such.

Its all gone a bit ITV Drama. Honour killings, Witness Protection, Murderous cousins, burner phones, 999 calls.

I've worked in Dom care for years and a police welfare call isn't something you undertake lightly. Certainly not one triggered by a departure from social media! If you are genuinely a close friend then go around and either knock on the door or pop a note through. If she's a junior doctor, she really wont appreciate you trying to track her down at work!

Do you have a mutual friend? Have you ascertained that they are off SM or just blocking certain contacts?

I'd check on her personally x

@Celina94

I'd check on her personally x

Me too

In what way is it horrific to ring someone at work? What a weird thing to think. People ring people at work every day. Maybe I'm missing something, can you explain where you're coming from thinking that?

Junior doctors do not commonly take personal phone calls while at work. It isn't that same as working in an office.

Being a junior doctor is not an easy role - the workload is very high and your career depends on how you are perceived by your supervisor.

Being rang by a random friend for a spurious reason would be professionally embarrassing.

In what way is it horrific to ring someone at work? What a weird thing to think. People ring people at work every day. Maybe I'm missing something, can you explain where you're coming from thinking that?
Depends on your job surely. It would have to be an absolute emergency for a lot people to be able to take a phone call at work. You can't just take a phone call if you are on the check out at Aldi or working in a classroom or a junior doctor.

In what way is it horrific to ring someone at work? What a weird thing to think. People ring people at work every day. Maybe I'm missing something, can you explain where you're coming from thinking that?

It would look extremely odd in my workplace and would be a sign that I’m not coping.

I’d be livid if someone called my employer.

Calling someone at work - which is the one place they can't be uncontactable - feels like stalking.
Plus if OP explained on the call that she was worried because her friend had deleted her social media, that may raise questions for her work eg about the stalking situation; about the friend's mental health and stability. OP could be breaching her friend's privacy and leaving her friend to answer questions at work about issues that she wanted to keep private.

This thread reminds me of the recent one where a bloke (that bit was drip fed) thought his male mate had been killed in a car crash - they had a FWB set up and he'd never ever have gone NC even though poster didn't know his surname or where he lived after 9 years. Helpful posters suggested all sorts of stalking behaviour to rout out this rotter, perhaps some are on this thread?

I just think its all a bit stalky just leave the poor person alone.

@U2HasTheEdge

All the drama on this thread!

People who go missing don't tend to delete all their social media, change their number and get their mum to do the same. If she was missing her work place would be aware and would have done a welfare check.

For whatever reason she does not want the OP to contact her. She has not contacted OP, or warned her that she was coming off social media. She clearly wants to be left alone.

Leave her alone and wait to see if she contacts you OP. She has her mum and other people in her life, who presumably know what is going on and will make sure she is safe.

Exactly this.

Some of the advice on this thread is quite concerning. You could essentially be giving a stalker hints and tips.

This person doesn't want to be contacted by the OP for whatever reason and OP needs to drop it and leave the woman (and her family!) alone.

Its all gone a bit ITV Drama. Honour killings, Witness Protection, Murderous cousins, burner phones, 999 calls.

I agree, people seem to be seeing this as a drama and wanting to up the ante by adding flairs and twists for the sake of the "story" forgetting that this is real life and things rarely happen that way.

At the end of the day the OP has a friend who has deleted her social media and turned off her phone whilst going through a challenging time at work and clearly also having family stuff going on ... it might not be "normal" behaviour but it also isn't dramatically out of the realm of possibility either.

Until the OP actually actively tries to make some form of contact in person then people need to stop taking things to the extreme - she hasn't even tried popping round and knocking on her friend's door and people are suggesting welfare calls. Surely one of the first things a police welfare check would ascertain is whether or not you've tried to make contact in person as "going off SM and not answering the phone" is hardly worrying behaviour in and of itself?

@HappyDays40

I just think its all a bit stalky just leave the poor person alone.

But bad things do happen, and the OP is concerned for her friend. I know in her shoes I wouldn't be able to just do nothing.

Its all gone a bit ITV Drama. Honour killings, Witness Protection, Murderous cousins, burner phones, 999 calls.

I agree, except that any of those things might explain why the OP has serious concerns that she might be in danger or 'missing' as opposed to just had enough of social media dramas and invasions of her privacy. So the questions do need to be asked, I think, in case there is an extra element to this that we are not yet understanding that the OP could easily clear up for us.

I've worked in Dom care for years and a police welfare call isn't something you undertake lightly. Certainly not one triggered by a departure from social media! If you are genuinely a close friend then go around and either knock on the door or pop a note through. If she's a junior doctor, she really wont appreciate you trying to track her down at work!

Agree. If the friendship was a close as the OP has suggested then going round and knocking on the door would be the obvious thing to do. If it turns out that the woman wants nothing more to do with the OP (or anyone else for that matter) then at least she'll know instead of eternally wondering.

Until the OP actually actively tries to make some form of contact in person then people need to stop taking things to the extreme - she hasn't even tried popping round and knocking on her friend's door and people are suggesting welfare calls. Surely one of the first things a police welfare check would ascertain is whether or not you've tried to make contact in person as "going off SM and not answering the phone" is hardly worrying behaviour in and of itself?

Totally agree. The first thing the police will ask is 'Do you know where she lives and have you been round there and knocked on the door?'

You'd look like a bit of a time wasting tit if you said 'Yes I do, but no I haven't.'

@Hobbesmanc

Its all gone a bit ITV Drama. Honour killings, Witness Protection, Murderous cousins, burner phones, 999 calls.

I've worked in Dom care for years and a police welfare call isn't something you undertake lightly. Certainly not one triggered by a departure from social media! If you are genuinely a close friend then go around and either knock on the door or pop a note through. If she's a junior doctor, she really wont appreciate you trying to track her down at work!

Do you have a mutual friend? Have you ascertained that they are off SM or just blocking certain contacts?

Definitely. All these people casually suggesting a police welfare check because her mate has deleted social media.

There are other people on the end of these welfare checks, they aren't there because your mate blocked you.

Imagine if she wasn't at home and the police went to her work to check she was OK. That would throw up all sorts of questions and it's pretty unbelievable to say "Oh they were just here because I deleted FB and my mate wanted to know where I was".

Even calling the hospital is weird. Generally there's a central number and you have to be asked to be transferred to a ward, you would have to know which ward she is working on, and then she would be unlikely to be hovering about near a phone so someone would need to take a message. What would op even say.

Leave the poor woman alone. She doesn't want to be contacted.

Honestly, she gave you a warning she will not be available, it doesn't have to be a problem with you but respect her wishes to be left alone for the time being, you might be actually helping the person she wants to avoid with all your enquiries.

I found myself in a similar situation with my exh and had to stop contact and block everyone who knew him or may end in contact with him through work, hobbies, whatever. I blocked close friends and even my own mother who couldn't help making the situation much worse by trying to be helpful.

Stay away and do not blow her cover, she will go back to you when she is ready.

Sounds like there’s some kind of family dispute going on and they have come off social media maybe to protect themselves and their job?

I would just sit tight for a bit and hope it blows over and she makes contact with you. I don’t think I would call her work place as that could make the situation (whatever the situation is) worse.

@FuckeryOmbudsman

For all we know you could be the very person she needs space from, masquerading as someone with only good intentions, and here we all are giving you ideas for ways to find her

Exactly. One tends to believe the OP, but there no way to know, is there?

I can assure this isn't the case but I guess it does happen.

The person she asked me to unfollow is her auntie, so they would already know where she lives.

I agree they've probably removed themselves maybe till it's all blown over but however today I will be dropping by.

A few years ago, I didn't reply back to a few texts in a domestic situation with my ex. I had full intentions to give my new number to this friend and others, it was only a few days but this friend went to the effort of messaging around to find out if I'm okay. So even if she has ghosted me/blocked me. I do think it won't harm anything if she knows I also took the time to clarify she is in-fact okay.

Glad I have not rang her workplace though! I would hate to cause embarrassment and her having to explain herself in work.

This post has all my spidey senses tingling. Maybe OP poster is the the person the " friend " is trying to escape from. No one needs advice how to welfare check on a close friend, you ask within the friend network and not on mumsnet. Sorry OP if I sound harsh but my that's my gut feeling. You can't be a close friend if your first port of advice is an anonymous forum.

Was she home?

But bad things do happen, and the OP is concerned for her friend. I know in her shoes I wouldn't be able to just do nothing.

But, as of right now, the OP hasn't actually done anything and people are already suggesting extreme solutions like phoning the police. It would be different if the OP lived far away, the friend had posted something concerning on social media and then just disappeared or the OP had tried multiple ways to get in contact and still not seen or heard from her friend, but currently that is not the case.

If it was me and a friend, who I knew was in a stressful job and who was going through some family drama, cut off all social media and didn't answer the phone I would be concerned that it was out of character but my first thought would be "I'll pop round on the way to work and just check in, and if she isn't there/doesn't answer I'll leave a note asking her to let me know she was OK" it wouldn't be "OMG something terrible must have happened, I'll call the police for a welfare check, even though I haven't actually tried contacting her, other than via social media"