Leave DS behind when we go on holiday?

[Kermitsolvestheclimate]

We're due to go away tomorrow (in UK). DS (age 14.5) won't pack his bag or do anything to get ready to leave early in the morning despite various encouragements and warnings from us. He has just gone out for the rest of this eve (to a class he attends). He has form and caused a lot of trouble on our last holiday as he wouldn't pack to leave and we had a strict deadline to be out of the accommodation. His lack of co-operation was very stressful and I ended up clearing his room, packing his bags for him on top of everything else I was doing like clearing the kitchen, packing the car etc. he just sat there doing sweet FA. AIBU to just think sod him, we'll go without him in the morning and leave him home alone rather than have all the angst again. I refuse to accept he needs his mother to pack a bag for a few days away whilst he sits playing on his phone. I know he does want to come on the holiday and when he snaps out of his stupid mood will be upset if we leave him behind. (For context he has ASD but is 'high functioning' and is perfectly able to pack an overnight bag) .

You're still seriously considering it?! You must be joking.

From your other thread he has Aspergers.

I honestly think you need to have more sympathy for your child.

It sounds like you want validation to leave your young child at home. You are not going to get that from me.

There may be no specific legal law that covers this but no way would I do it.

NSPCC says under 16s are not to be left alone overnight.

He needs to either stay with a relative, or a relative stays for the 5 days you are away or you take him with you.

I cannot believe you are considering leaving him.

I can’t believe you’d actually even consider leaving your DS at home by himself for five days. The mind boggles.

If something were to go wrong, imagine standing up in Court and explaining why you though it ok to go and go away for 5 days, leaving a 14.5 year alone in the house, all because your he (who has high function ASD) wouldn’t pack his own bag. But I thought it was ok Judge because we have neighbours and family nearby.

Cop yourself on.

@Cattitudes

I dislike spending my holiday shopping for stuff he's forgotten. why doesn't he do his own clothes shopping?

Would it help if you tell him he needs x pairs pants, y t-shirts etc.

Why in holy hell should she need to? He's a lazy fuck, not learning disabled (presumably).

It may not be ‘against the law’ but most people would consider you to be morally irresponsible for leaving him alone. If anything (god forbid) happened then you would be legally responsible and May face criminal charges.

@CocaColaTruck1

From your other thread he has Aspergers.

I honestly think you need to have more sympathy for your child.

You also say in your other thread he has trouble sleeping. Are you seriously seriously still wanting to go ahead without him.

From your legal quite - I would say that if he has an accident at home you will be deemed liable as it wasn’t a responsible action by his parents to leave a 14 year old home alone.

Just pack some stuff for him. He's only 14 and has ASD, why make this the hill you die on? It's no biggie to put some clothes in a bag for him, no need to get all worked up. You absolutely can't leave him alone.

How long would it take to pack some clothes for him? 10mins?

@ThroughThickAndThin01

From your legal quite - I would say that if he has an accident at home you will be deemed liable as it wasn’t a responsible action by his parents to leave a 14 year old home alone.

Yep, if any harm does come to him I imagine you'll be in a lot of trouble. If you're not taking him on holiday, you either need to leave him with family members who are happy to look after him while you're away, or have someone stay at your house with him.

How does it come to this? My kids might moan, but they do what they're bloody told to do.

Going by your replies you've already decided you're going without him and you just want somebody to agree with you.

No, there's no age stated by law but if your 14 yr old autistic child came to harm alone in the house while you'd buggered off without him for a holiday you bet your arse you'd be looking at neglect.

I should think the OP is feeling at the end of her tether.
I empathise totally.

Why even post this? You've clearly decided to go without him instead of packing his bag. You can say what you want but imo there is absolutely no excuses for your behaviour right now

Billandben444

I'd leave him as well. Explain what will happen if he's not ready at a certain time in the morning and make it quite clear you'll go without him. Leave him some phone numbers (local pizza place and a cranky uncle perhaps) and let him crack on. He can be left at this age - he'd have been up a chimney a couple of generations back.“

Guessing you walked 15 miles to school through snow and ice, with no shoes and lived in a cardboard box.
Times change, tf.

Fucking hell OP, pack him a bag and stop being so ridiculous!

You obviously don’t want to go on holiday with him. Did he ever want to go on this holiday? I find you need to get some buy in from the child with aspergers for them to engage with the holiday. You haven’t tried probably. He doesn’t see why he has to go and you don’t want him to go. Is there anything about this holiday that he actually wants to see or do. Poor kid. You may get reported by a neighbour or relative if you leave without him and I hope you do for his sake. An ASD child, even a high functioning one is 2-3 years younger in terms of maturity than a NT child - would you leave a 11 or 12 year old home alone.

I have an teen with so-called 'high functioning' ASD, until recently known as Asperger's. Academically bright but struggles with so much else although is great at masking it.
'Traditional parenting' (ie punishment/consequences/rewards) often have little to no effect on an autistic brain.
You need to cut him some slack and do some research.
You can't be serious about leaving him?

Those saying we would be breaking the law are wrong by the way, solicitors guidance says " The fact is that there is no legally defined age for when children can be left at home alone. The law simply says that you should not leave a child alone if they’ll be at risk so it is left at the parents discretion.

Your own quote shows that you are wrong. Child neglect is, as you say, a question of the circumstances. It’s not a cut and dried age. It depends on the child, for how long etc. I can’t begin to imagine that leaving a child with autism for five whole days - not just a few hours - isn’t neglect. “Parents discretion” doesn’t mean whatever you decide as parents is fined it means make an informed assessment as to what you think is neglect because if it is, you’ll be prosecuted.

Just pack a bag for him ffs. It will take literally minutes to sling enough stuff to cover 5 days in a bag. And that way you’d know that there were enough pants and socks etc to see out the break. Don’t go looking for aggravation where there really doesn’t need to be any.

I don’t have teenaged kids yet but when I’m really stressed about something in terms of behaviour I find sticking to natural/logical consequences helps defuse a situation. So, the natural/logical consequence of him not packing for himself is that he doesn’t get to choose what he takes. Something he really wants to wear or have with him might be forgotten, and that’s it. Just do it in a low key way - pack the basics. And if he doesn’t have something he wants that’s the consequence.

Other than that I would just explain very briefly and clearly (and without getting angry if you can) how it makes you feel, point out that something of his may be left behind and then that’s it, let it go.

Tell him.
"We're leaving in 20 minutes. Pack your bag."
In the meantime make sure your car is packed then stand there in front of him and wait.

'My kids might moan, but they do what they're bloody told to do.' Super for you. Count your blessings. I have one that does that too, the other one doesn't sadly.