To ask what it's like to not have to worry about money?

[dailydreamin]

I was chatting with my dh about winning the lotto (as you do) then it got us to thinking because we don't earn much really. What is it like to just have a really good wage (like 4-5k or more per month) and have no money worries?

I would love to just go food shopping without adding in my head. I would love to just be able to see the DC's shoes are getting tight and go and buy new shoes for them without stressing about what I will have to forgo.

So what is it really like? Is it like I think? Do you just NOT think about money at all? Do you just buy as you need (obviously everyone has their limits though) without thinking?

@HouseCart how do you mean? Do you mean you worry about losing your job and that financial security? Or that in order to earn that kind of money, you have to be in a job where you constantly worry?

I am a big believer in the ‘life swap’ idea, i.e. that if you feel jealous of something someone else has, you can’t just imagine having that thing, you have to imagine completely swapping lives with them. It’s saved me from feeling jealous of friends who are richer than me because while I might fancy their bigger house or their holidays, I definitely wouldn’t want their job or a husband like theirs. Another friend lives in a gorgeous house which she bought with her inheritance from her father passing away young. I can’t be jealous because it goes without saying I’d rather have my dad than her house.

I guess it goes both ways and I probably have friends who envy my job (which is very niche, interesting and ‘cool’ but low paid) but would rather have their financial security than my fun job!

£4K/month is not the level where you necessarily stop worrying about money. It is hardly "sending children to private schools" territory. It can be very comfortable if you don't have a mortgage or small children, and can be breadline if you have two sets of nursery fees and a mortgage on top.

It’s lovely but also surprising at how quickly your expenditure rises to meet your means, so over time the excess shrinks, perhaps even to the point where there isn’t one. We have a high household income but kids are expensive, even without private school (we don’t send ours) - clubs, birthdays, equipment, clothes - and then we have high costs renovating an old house. Nothing seems to cost under £500. So income and outgoings are both high. Yes, absolutely we could spend less, and money worries are vague rather than immediately urgent, and I do realise we have it better than most

Money doesn’t buy happiness but it can buy misery in comfort as my mum used to say. It gives you more life choices. I don’t have to worry about a shop but we don’t have loads of savings - one thing to bear in mind is if one of you or both of you has quite high expectations if you have the cash , the minute we started earning well my H always expected to live in nice places, good areas and wasn’t content with somewhere a bit more ordinary and saving more. Same with holidays, same with cars, so your outgoings can be higher. No doubt if I had a husband content with a 3 bed semi in a much cheaper area , a 10 year old car and a week in Dorset every year we would be considerably better off in terms of cash at the bank

I’ve been poor as a single mum
Now I’m not a millionaire or even close but I have no real money worries
If I want to buy something within reason I can so I’m not spending 10k on a two week holiday but I’ve just spent 4K on two weeks and will spend similar to go away in Feb but I have spent 10k on a holiday in the past .

I can afford monthly /weekly beauty treatments
I don’t think about spending money in the shops on food if I want the heating on I put it in and don’t think about the cost
If my washing machine broke I could replace it next day
Covid - lockdowns didn’t affect me financially
If there is a problem I can generally throw money at it to sort it out - I’m not talking £££££
I had no problems with my children getting my share of my inheritance when my parents passed away
As although it would be nice to have it wouldn’t make any real difference to my standard of living

I don't worry about money but we aren't rich! We have no debt apart from a small mortgage on house (I think we own about 3/4 now) and I think it's the no debt that makes me not worry. We bring in £4K between us and have a toddler but able to save quite well.

My DF earned around 150k before retirement. He was able to negotiate an excellent redundancy package before leaving (even though it was entirely his choice to leave) and had a pension that means they never have to worry. Their house cost 90k and they live in a very cheap area. They are very generous and would always pay for a meal or give money to anyone.

However, they have literally no comprehension of what life is like for people who don't earn well having lived so comfortably for say 15 years. He gets angry at me for picking up extra shifts on a Sunday as I should be at church ("it's not all about the money"). He has no comprehension that that is what a lot of young parents do to pay for Christmas. He goes to the garage and orders the exact car he wants and the three of them at home all have cars. DH and I have had only one car for 10 years and would never buy a brand new car. They book holidays where they want, when they want...there is no budget. He worked hard to get to that position and was very good at what he did and certainly didn't come from money but I do find it a little sad he is so completely oblivious at times.

I have been were you are OP but years down the road DH and l are very comfortable but old habits die hard. I shop in Aldi topping up in Morrison’s, most of my clothes are over 5 years old and buy only when needed however if l want to do or go somewhere - friends asked if we want to go away abroad in January- we said yes without a second thought.
However DD2 bought a flat during lockdown, she is currently a low earner attending college and had worked out her budget very carefully. Now with the current price rises food utilities etc l can see her starting to worry about costs- something has to give. Luckily DH and l are able to help her out- she never asks- but will buy shopping; fill her car with petrol.
I hope things improve for you OP 👍

I think you always need to be mindful with money unless you have billions, which unfortunately I don't 😆 I mean, we dont worry about money but we pay attention to how and where we spend it and we have a monthly plan. There are good ways to be savy with money and things too. I shop at boots alot so I save up my boots points and use them like every few months etc.

It's amazing.

I grew up with not much money at all and so did DH. Struggled financially a lot in my twenties and ended up bankrupt by 24 due to ill health, not being able to claim any benefits, running out of sick pay, and spending more than I should to try and cope with severe depression (that wasn't the original health problem).

I'm in my thirties now and we earn probably around £70k with DH full time and me part time, it would be £90-100k if I worked full time (which I plan to do once DS is at school). We don't have a lavish lifestyle or anything, we don't really go on holidays, but we're able to go do the food shopping and buy what we want without thinking about the price at the till. I bought a £3 bottle of fancy juice yesterday which I'd never have dreamed of earlier in my life. I know if a birthday comes up I don't have to worry about its position in the month, whether or not I can afford to buy someone a present, I don't have to analyse whether I can go see friends based on whether it's too far away from payday. It's absolute heaven. People who say money isn't everything have clearly never struggled financially, it IS everything when not enough money means you go hungry, might end up homeless, and lie awake all night worrying about how to make ends meet. We waited until we were as financially stable and secure as possible to have a child as we have no family support or backing so the buck rests with us, and we only wanted to have a kid if we knew we had done our due diligence in setting things up ready for one. Of course things can turn on a dime and we could end up homeless next year, anyone can with the wrong circumstances.

In my experience there is a huge difference between not being able to afford the absolute basics because you fall in the gaps of the current support available or perhaps have had a sudden change in circumstances and having enough for the basics. You can still be happy if you’ve got enough for the basics, decent housing, area etc without having money for holidays, expensive days out, sky, the latest phone, expensive school trips etc. Having more is nice but it doesn’t make a tremendous difference. Not having enough to eat, dress your children properly, buy a present for them to attend their best friend’s party however much you budget is really really hard and a world away from just having enough :(

I am fortunate to be on a good salary but I still struggle to justify spending money even though we can afford it. Recently swapped back to Lidl instead of Sainsburys as our primary supermarket as £40 a week (minimum delivery cost) seems too high for two adults. It’s nice to not have to worry about being able to afford the basics but we still can’t justify anything beyond that. I’ve finally just ordered a new cooker after months of dithering. The door and fan are broken but the element still heats up so technically the old one still works and we don’t ‘need’ to replace it (repairman said not economical to fix!)… We can afford another one just fine but have this mentality of making do to the point of massive inconvenience. I think I’d have to win a lot on the lottery (like £10m+) before I was able to justify spending it freely!

Being a single mum with a good income makes me feel secure. Honestly, it's the best feeling ever. Knowing that I can leave my kids a bit of money if I died is comforting.

I've been a teenage mum on benefits. I prefer to have money in the bank than to spend it frivolously. Yes, these days I can buy things but I don't generally buy the most expensive.

This week I needed new headphones. I bought a pair for £10.99 from amazon. I know for some even that £10.99 would be out of reach - I've been there.

I think a lot of people take that for granted because nobody ever ‘feels’ rich but they don’t appreciate that the absence of day-to-day money worries is itself a huge privilege
I totally agree with this. Having been in the situation of counting pennies and worry how I'll make it until next pay day, all in my own to deal with it, I never take for granted that I can now go food shopping and but whatever i want that week or not worry of something breakdown and needs replacing

Saying that, some behaviours don't change. I still buy 90% of my clothes in supermarket and almost always on sale. I always look for bargain for holidays/weekend away. I don't buy expensive cosmetics or skin products, all seem a waste of money to me. I resent spending £60 at the hairdresser every 6 weeks so now dye my own hair.

@forinborin as I have no interest in sending my dc to private school. Just interested in maybe giving them a few more opportunities outside of school.

I empathise with a lot of people saying they have plenty but are still quite frugal. I work in a high pay industry and see plenty of high earners struggling as well.

Answering the question directly for me it's an absence of fear about money. It's not great when you get a big bill but it isn't a source of stress or fear. If something breaks you get it fixed. It's an inconvenience not a disaster. Having enough takes away a huge stress point that I used to have and lots of people have. Once you get past a certain income level life can be a lot easier. That level is a bit more than you need day to day to let you build a buffer.

I think a lot of it is also perspective and expectation. Two people both earning say £30k a year may see that amount very differently. To one person it's plenty, makes them feel secure and financially stable, to the next person it may feel like they are just scraping by.

I'm 32 and my husband is 48, we don't have a mortgage on our home, and the cars are paid for outright, which brings our outgoings down considerably. We have investments in different areas and these generate a fair income, nothing spectacular but it helps. It means I don't have to work, I stay home with the children and my DH is self employed and works part time at most id say.

We don't go mad, but after spending the past decade just getting by, both working full time, I am very very grateful and aware that we are fortunate. There's nothing really we want for, nothing that's out of reach but then our expectations aren't huge. If we wanted £10k holidays to Bora Bora and diamonds for Christmas is probably feel poor... but as it stands we are comfortable and the kids enjoy the extra curricular clubs and activities, don't have to cut corners at Sainsbury’s when we do the weekly shop.

The biggest difference for me is not spending nights awake wondering if I'm going to cover all the bills this month, or if I can afford to carry on ballet lessons for the kids or have to explain mummy can't afford it anymore. It's very pleasant to know that as long as we live normally and don't blow tens of thousands on something frivolous we will always tick over and not be deprived of any of the little treats in life.

I've been hand to mouth in the past and pretty well off now. I can't say that I've ever worried about money that much at any time. Years ago I only had enough for the bills and a cheap night out occasionally but I still had enough and didn't stress too much. It did make me plan to get sorted financially though so it has it's benefits. There's plenty of money out there.
Being on a high income is no good if you spend the lot every month. And winning the lottery is not a plan, the odds are ridiculous!

To those that have had those worries but are now living under better circumstances, how did you do it? Was it a case of career progression and opportunities or even simply just some good luck?

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I dont have to worry about money now but did up till 10 years ago. Its quite liberating but I still have to decide whether whatever it is is worth the money. Ironically now in poor health so dont have the inclination to spend !

We were like you when the children were small. I was always looking for bargains in clothing,shoes,food etc.

Now things are a lot easier and we can afford the 'nice things' in life, we still find ourselves thinking hard about big spends.

I still look for bargains. If I won the euro millions I still would!!

Old habits die hard I suppose.

@Spud88

For me I grew up in poverty but was lucky in lots of ways:

I was bright so it was easy to do well at school with little effort.

I hated being poor so was very keen to work ASAP and have had a job of some description since 16.

I got a lucky opportunity to temp for an in-law’s company when I left university (without a degree) for a couple of weeks. During the two weeks I worked very hard and was kept on and given training.

After that being good at what I do, good moves, and being ‘personable’ so people tended to like me at interview.

I have overreached a few times and it’s stood me in good stead getting significant increases.

I am no ‘high flyer’ - my fte is £55k and I work 0.7fte around my kids.

I could be earning vastly more a) if I didn’t have children and b) they didn’t both have additional needs but it’s fine.

DH earns about £60k so between us we’re near £100k gross household income and it’s utterly unfathomable to the girl inside who had to ask the shop keeper for credit because her mum was too embarrassed.

I'm lucky not to have to think/worry about money but certainly did have to when I was younger.

I'm aware and do remember I'm lucky not to worry about it but the issue of money is rarely in my thoughts on a day to day basis. I think that is probably the joy of it but you have to keep remembering that.