To ask what it's like to not have to worry about money?

[dailydreamin]

I was chatting with my dh about winning the lotto (as you do) then it got us to thinking because we don't earn much really. What is it like to just have a really good wage (like 4-5k or more per month) and have no money worries?

I would love to just go food shopping without adding in my head. I would love to just be able to see the DC's shoes are getting tight and go and buy new shoes for them without stressing about what I will have to forgo.

So what is it really like? Is it like I think? Do you just NOT think about money at all? Do you just buy as you need (obviously everyone has their limits though) without thinking?

I really don't think professional worry is a good comparison or equaliser to genuine money concerns. The former is a choice you've made, you could change careers, go part time or take a few steps down if you're financially comfortable, the latter is a trap that feels impossible to get out of. It's making me cringe reading some of these tone deaf responses.

Our income is 9/10K per month but we always want more expensive house, kids in private school, so still kinda skint.

Unbelievable

We're multimillionaires (in double digits) but we can't have children so I feel like in life a lot of things are balanced off - win some, lose some

In terms of what it's like - erm you just really get used to it. Like I book holidays without thinking of money, buy tech equipment, cars, and I presume everyone's the same (I know they're not but you end up being in this bubble where you don't think that people struggle to buy shoes, only when you stop and think...).

Our income is 9/10K per month but we always want more expensive house, kids in private school, so still kinda skint

No I would never want these things, I love my house and village, my dc go to a great school, I just want to feel a bit more secure and to sleep better I suppose. I know compared to some others I am doing fine though and I thank god for that.

I hope you all know how lucky you are. Thank you for your insight.

Is it tone deaf to answer the question that OP asked?

used to live paycheck to paycheck on low wage.

@userchange987

Our income is 9/10K per month but we always want more expensive house, kids in private school, so still kinda skint.

Unbelievable

When you have more money you start buying nicer clothes: silk/wool/linen.

You're going out places are expensive. You take more holidays.

You need nicer hair treatments, skincare.. you start drinking only cocktails when you're out. You want Jorge Jensen kitchenware. You start giving more expensive presents to friends and family at Xmas/bdays...

Me and DH bring home about £4.5k home between us each month after tax and we don’t worry about money as we’ve always been very hot on saving.

We could lead a much nicer lifestyle than the one we do if we wanted…nice holidays, nice cars, nice clothes and jewellery, days out, meals out etc etc but we don’t.

We each keep £400 a month for ourselves and the rest goes on the household stuff and into savings.

We just live within the £400 expenditure allowance we set ourselves which means we don’t have to worry about money because we have lots in savings should we ever need it.

I often think about what you’re saying as I have been in both positions.
I was a single mum working full time and doing a degree at 20. I had nights where I didn’t eat so my daughter could, days when I sat in a cold, dark flat when DD was at her dads just so I could save the electric/gas while she wasn’t home. I remember going up to the shop to buy some milk and having to use all 2Ps from my penny jar, I was so embarrassed I remember telling the guy at the till that I’d lost my bank card and didn’t have any cash at home. I didn’t have nights out with friends, takeaways, sky tv, new clothes etc…I had the basics and made do. I made sure DD always had what she needed but unfortunately she rarely got what she wanted.
Then I met my OH. He’d built up his own business and it was/is doing very well. We have a lovely house, nice cars, go away most weekends, nice holidays, I can pretty much buy what I want, when I want. We help the kids out and treat other family members as often as we can.
I don’t have to worry about money at all, thankfully. I’m sure my OH does as anyone with their own company and people to pay would.

It’s a wonderful feeling not having to worry about money, I’ve been at both ends of it and I feel exceptionally fortunate every day that I’m where I am now and realise that I wouldn’t be here without my OH….not on a nurses wage anyway!
I will say though, some of my happiest times were when it was just me and DD in our cold, mismatched flat, eating spaghetti hoops on toast while we played ker-plunk.
I’m lucky to have my life but in all honesty, I love that I get to give my DD all the things I couldn’t give her when she was little.

When you have more money you start buying nicer clothes: silk/wool/linen.You're going out places are expensive. You take more holidays. You need nicer hair treatments, skincare.. you start drinking only cocktails when you're out. You want Jorge Jensen kitchenware. You start giving more expensive presents to friends and family at Xmas/bdays...

I'm not a moron, but CHOOSING to send your kids to private school, buy a big house and go on expensive holidays doesn't mean you're "skint" if you don't have much to show for it at the end of the month, it is not the same as having to choose between paying your electricity or gas bill or if you can eat with your kids that day. If you're "skint" on £10k a month you've made some very poor choices. It's a poor choice of words and ignorant to defend it.

Is it tone deaf to answer the question that OP asked?

I was speaking more broadly, it's amazing anyone can feel like that and post it publicly with the state the country is in at the moment, if they aren't embarrassed by such a comment they aren't aware of the world around them.

I said to my husband at the weekend that I feel really lucky at the moment for all the reasons you describe. We can pop to the shops and put whatever we want in our basket (within reason!) and not look at the prices. If we need something for our home (again, within reason) we can buy it without having to think too much about whether we can afford it. I am so aware of what a privilege that is and I never want to take it for granted. I have been in the position before where I had to tot up every penny as I went around the supermarket or where a broken shoe would leave me in tears because I couldn’t afford to repair or replace it, and I’m so grateful that I don’t currently have those worries.

I think a lot of people take that for granted because nobody ever ‘feels’ rich but they don’t appreciate that the absence of day-to-day money worries is itself a huge privilege.

But money is never infinite, so no matter how much you have, if you spend it, you won’t have it any more. I’m always surprised by how many well-off people don’t understand that and will trot out the whole ‘if I’m so rich how come I never have any money at the end of the month’ argument! I will never forget hearing someone argue that they weren’t well-off because they’d just spent loads on an extension to their house and they were now feeling a bit strapped for cash. Yes, that’s how money works. You spent it, so now you don’t have it. That doesn’t change the fact that you had to be very well off to be able to spend it in the first place!

Know exactly what you mean OP

We’re comfortable but not uber rich, that is: I can shop without thinking about it massively, the kids new shoes aren’t an issue, but our holidays are a week in a caravan in the uk, no private school fees etc.

It’s lovely. I also feel very privileged (this was NOT my experience growing up). But I increasingly feel a lot of guilt - yes, we work hard in stressful roles but we’re “lucky” enough to be in jobs where we can earn decently without the pressure and lower pay of eg care workers, we’re lucky to be healthy enough and with healthy enough kids to work, and I know that nothing in life is a given.

Consequently, i give to charities tackling social inequality (breakfast charities, food etc), never leave a supermarket without putting something in the food bank box, and try and give back through volunteering when I can.

A good friend of mine manages a supermarket and over the past year or so I have been doing some shifts for her when they are short staffed (I worked on the checkouts when I was at uni so it's fairly easy for me to dip in and out of.)

A substantial amount of people know exactly what is on the checkout belt. I scan the stuff, they pack it, I say "£28.46 please" and they hand me a £20 and 8.46 or £8.50 in change.

I always found this quite surprising when it happened. I remembered it happening back in the late 90s when I was working on the checkouts, but I just assumed it wouldn't really happen now as people tend to use card. But it does still happen, a lot.

It's a big supermarket, lots of customers, but you do get to recognise some of them. I also remember some of what they buy and I can see them buying small quantities of things frequently, when it would work out much more economical to buy a bigger pack. But they don't have the financial freedom to do that. They are living hand to mouth and, as a pp said, it's frustrating that things work out more expensive for those with the least money.

When my late DH was alive, we bought everything we wanted, though kept an eye on the bottom line because DH was brought up to be careful about money. I had none, so was not careful. We were very comfortable.

When he died suddenly I shat myself (metaphorically) at the loss of income, and was catapulted back to my impoverished youth in my mind.
It has taken me years to "get" that I'm OK, and I still fret illogically.

So I don't worry day to day, and am grateful for it.

The bottom line: if my car went tits up tomorrow could I buy another? Yes. Would I buy a new one/expensive? Not on your nellie.

It's a massive massive privilege, and one that I certainly never take for granted. There are other pressures which replace money worries like sacrificing family time, holidays etc but it's still a massive privilege

“Is it tone deaf to answer the question that OP asked?

I was speaking more broadly, it's amazing anyone can feel like that and post it publicly with the state the country is in at the moment, if they aren't embarrassed by such a comment they aren't aware of the world around them.”

MN always goes like this which is why I don’t give details on such threads. Yes, on one level, it does seem poor taste to come on and declare you have millions. But aside from the poor taste, someone will inevitably accuse you of being ‘tone deaf’ or ‘trolling’ - which is also very strange when a thread is asking the very specific question,”What is it like to have money?” I mean, if you don’t want to hear what it’s like, don’t ask!

OP, I’m not sure that giving the green light for people to declare their millions (and the inevitable “you are tone deaf” responses that will ensue) is going to help you feel better right now. It’s probably the last thing you need. Threads like this don’t go well anyway.

I earn less than £4k a month but still feel relatively well off. I spend mostly what I want on food, but I suppose with an eye to reason, would purchase shoes or tech for the kids one month but not the next, and towards the end of the month we don't have takeaways, but my general feeling is one of being quite rich!!! I'm guessing then that 'rich' is all in the mind, but only after your basic needs like rent, council tax, bills and a solid amount of food have been purchased.

Cashmere jumpers, fancy hotels, they are nice to have but I don't have to have those to feel 'rich', I also bring my children up to be very very grateful for our lovely little home and our independence.

One of the saddest things we seem to read about time and time again on mumsnet is women staying with horrible men for their house/finances/can't take on family finances by themselves. I'm on my own due to husband's death, but I consider myself lucky that I could take that on myself, even if we are not 'rich' by some people's standards.

Having a lowish mortgage contributes hugely to feeling 'rich', because I always think once you have your roof over your head paid for you can tailor the rest, be more extravagant or cut back considerably on heating, water, cheaper food etc but you can't not pay the mortgage so once that's paid, and mine is small, I feel happy I can take what life throws at us.

Interesting and insightful thread. We don't earn mega bucks by any stretch but live well within our means. Even at the lower level of earnings that we are on, I have the undercurrent another poster mentioned of fear that it will go away. Therefore, the car is not renewed, the house is not upsized and the holidays are not frequent or extravagant.

MN always goes like this which is why I don’t give details on such threads. Yes, on one level, it does seem poor taste to come on and declare you have millions. But aside from the poor taste, someone will inevitably accuse you of being ‘tone deaf’ or ‘trolling’ - which is also very strange when a thread is asking the very specific question,”What is it like to have money?” I mean, if you don’t want to hear what it’s like, don’t ask! OP, I’m not sure that giving the green light for people to declare their millions (and the inevitable “you are tone deaf” responses that will ensue) is going to help you feel better right now. It’s probably the last thing you need. Threads like this don’t go well anyway.

You've replied out of context. I didn't say it was tone deaf to declare your millions, I myself have answered being within the bracket the OP asked for, I was pulling up the poster who claimed to be "skint" on £10k a month due to private school, big houses and holidays. That is what I'm referring to as being tone deaf.

In general, people feel miserable, helpless, anxious etc. when they struggle to afford basic human needs. It is an absolute travesty that this persists in this country and one reason why I am a big supporter of a universal basic income.
Beyond that, it really does depend on to what extent people have been sucked into "the game". Ever increasing wants that you can't satisfy can also create a good deal of anxiety. In fact, the system is designed to foster that anxiety. Those who see the game for what it is, and step off the treadmill, will feel that lightness of being you describe.
I can afford food, heat and shelter and so I do not worry about money. I find it pointless to worry about the future, so I also don't worry about not having money, ifyswim. I do not have the income you mention in the OP.

We don't really think much about money. I earn well, and DH earns reasonably well too. We wouldn't think about calculating the weekly shop, we go out to eat as a family a lot without worrying and the kids get new clothes and toys as and when necessary without much thought of the money (we don't do this lots though as we are very careful about spoiling them!).

I still don't do many holidays though as in my mind I'm always thinking how expensive they are versus what I could buy for the house or something for that same price. But we could afford it... I just choose not to.

We save quite a bit each month and overpay the mortgage. Don't have debts. It feels relaxed and I'm forever grateful that we are able to live like this as it certainly wasn't always the case for us as a couple, or me as a kid (my family were comfortable but not wealthy at all, DH family more comfortable!).

We do still have worries though. There is a tremendous pressure to ensure we work our bums off constantly to keep our jobs and that obviously comes with its own problems. But I totally appreciate that we are very fortunate and that lots of people feel this way regardless of their income level.

I'd say it's nice to go into the food shopping and get what I need without too much thought.
I do love a bargain and saving money on things.

It's nice having bills set up to automatically be paid and not be concerned about the dates or running a bit short.

The ability to be spontaneous. I might be having a look in some shops and went to look at new bags. One time, I saw 3 I loved, so I just bought them. They were only 30 each but it was nice not to have to think about it.

That said, I really don't spend a lot.

What it's like is I CONSTANTLY worry about my job