To ask what it's like to not have to worry about money?

[dailydreamin]

I was chatting with my dh about winning the lotto (as you do) then it got us to thinking because we don't earn much really. What is it like to just have a really good wage (like 4-5k or more per month) and have no money worries?

I would love to just go food shopping without adding in my head. I would love to just be able to see the DC's shoes are getting tight and go and buy new shoes for them without stressing about what I will have to forgo.

So what is it really like? Is it like I think? Do you just NOT think about money at all? Do you just buy as you need (obviously everyone has their limits though) without thinking?

We earn more than the figure you’ve stated and I still count sometimes, still wait for pay day. You just have bigger outgoings there more you earn.

@Spud88, it’s my husband who’s the high earner. We earned comparable salaries when we first met, but he’s now a partner at a big NY law firm, and I now work part-time. It works well for us.

To those that have had those worries but are now living under better circumstances, how did you do it? Was it a case of career progression and opportunities or even simply just some good luck?

Married someone with money loved him very much but I'd be lying if I said his success/drive wasn't a factor in the attraction. I had a decent salary myself but having growing up poor I wanted the complete opposite and would have never settled for someone who wasn't a high earner so in some ways I suppose it was strategic. In his case he worked night and day to get what he had. Of course there's an element of luck but he really does work more than anyone I know and made sacrifices that others aren't willing to make.

@Ledition, thanks for being honest. I’ve been called a trophy wife a fair few times over the years, even though there’s only five years between us, and I met my husband years before he earned a fortune. In any case, there’s nothing wrong with identifying ambition as a trait in a potential partner, much like many prioritize a partner being six-feet tall.

@Spud88
I got an inheritance from my nan and bought my council house outright - not loads 20 odd years ago
My DH did the same and bought other properties
We are not millionaires by any mean but no mortgages and income from property means we really don’t worry about spending money
Although my DH is more frugal than me
For us it was meeting each at the right time
And having similar goals

To those that have had those worries but are now living under better circumstances, how did you do it? Was it a case of career progression and opportunities or even simply just some good luck?

Two decisions have led to a better income for DH and I - further education to enter into more lucrative professions (we're still paying off the student loans!) and waiting to have a family until our 30's. Good luck plays a huge part, of course, such as no serious health problems. I'm well aware that we're very lucky.

Mixed bag here.

I grew up fairly poor so that definitely impacts my relationship with money now.

Jointly we take home around 3.8k after tax, NI and paying heavily into pensions. We are not massively strict with money, but put £500 each month into one saving pot, then a further £400pm into another which pays for a holidays.

No, I don't have to worry about the cost of food, but I have, and I remember the feeling very well. Actually going over my banking a few weeks back we were frankly pissing a good chunk of cash on our food (2 adults and one teen DC, or 2 DC's when eldest back from uni), some weeks I was easily spending over £150pw THEN getting a few bottle of wine, take out etc..

Anyway, I was horrified so started 'Bulk Cooking' like I used to do. This weeks food bill was under £60 thanks to mix and matching what is in the freezer.

I don't worry about getting to the end of the month like I used to, as money always rolls over and we have various savings. I do find it very hard to buy things for myself still, but I think that's true for many who have experienced real poverty previously.

@Ledition

To those that have had those worries but are now living under better circumstances, how did you do it? Was it a case of career progression and opportunities or even simply just some good luck?

Married someone with money loved him very much but I'd be lying if I said his success/drive wasn't a factor in the attraction. I had a decent salary myself but having growing up poor I wanted the complete opposite and would have never settled for someone who wasn't a high earner so in some ways I suppose it was strategic. In his case he worked night and day to get what he had. Of course there's an element of luck but he really does work more than anyone I know and made sacrifices that others aren't willing to make.

DH is the whole package to me, but the fact he was ambitious, educated and entering a well paying career was really important to me in my late twenties when we met. I knew I wanted kids so I was dating to find a man who'd ben amazing husband and father rather than a man who I'd have fun with for a while. There's nothing wrong with prioritising a partner's career prospects and financial security. As woman we risk and give up a lot when we carry and birth children, including the ability to work and progress our careers for a while. I wouldn't have felt secure having a child with someone who didn't prove to me he was able to take care of us all for a period of time.

When we met he was 24 and still at uni, we agreed to TTC after two or three years together. He told me if we were serious about having a child then we needed to save our arses off, get a property, and achieve certain financial milestones. We both grew up poor and didn't want that stress for our kids. We did that. I found it very attractive that he took his responsibility to his future kids so seriously even before they came along.

Not having to worry about money is definitely not just about how much money you make. Many, many people with high salaries spend far too much money and are massively in debt, so they are basically living paycheck to paycheck. Some people's supposedly perfect lives are very misleading

100% this. We earn £5,500 between us but living in the SE with 3 kids and debts we run low at the end of each month. We do put some away for the kids and towards Christmas etc each month though

Two decisions have led to a better income for DH and I - further education to enter into more lucrative professions (we're still paying off the student loans!) and waiting to have a family until our 30's. Good luck plays a huge part, of course, such as no serious health problems. I'm well aware that we're very lucky.

It's funny because having children young is why we are where are we now (though not planned of course). Whilst we were going through the childcare years we were heavily subsidised by tax credits because we were low earners starting out, I worked part time but still managed to progress (as I studied on the side too) by the time we were 30 our kids were school aged, we'd tripled our salary and I had all the flexibility I needed to progress to senior management whilst managing school children without needing them in childcare too much as I home work a lot now. I couldn't imagine juggling babies, childcare fees, maternity leaves etc with the career and responsibilities I have now, it would be so disruptive.

I appreciate this is probably against the norm, but now we are the other side I can see why what did has worked so well for us, albeit not intentional!

@Timeforabiscuit. Sorry to hear about your husband. Happened to me too... so hard

@userchange987. Exactly, there isn't a "formula" for becoming financially secure, different people take different paths. I keep telling my DC this, they should do what works for them!

@Cameleongirl yes I sometimes worry we write off young mums which makes them write off themselves. I firmly believe you can do great things with kids in tow, it's not easy and I'm certainly not advocating it by choice without a clear plan, but if you end up in a situation like mine (and many others) it doesn't mean you don't have options.

I have a friend who does not work, but her DH earns 8k a month

They are CONSTANTLY worried about money , she talks about little else. About the shame of living in a semi detached, about the rising cost of private school fees, about not being able to afford skiing this year. About the cost of a new car…

I keep her on as a friend as she makes me laugh (and she has a good heart underneath it all), to me she is an advertisement of how money does not make people happy

I think it’s only great if you suddenly go from counting pennies to an extra few k.

@Spud88 I started my own business from scratch but I was a single parent on benefits for years. I didn’t finish school either.

When you are wealthy it’s like a whole part of your brain switches off, that you don’t need anymore. You don’t worry about a flat tire, broken oven or boiler. 99% of problems go away when you throw money at them, so you stop worrying about most what ifs. I remember the sick feeling in my belly when I had 50p to do me 2 days until benefits came through.

You also upgrade almost everything. We went away on holidays last week. Booked last minute, business class seats, 4 star hotels and rented a huge SUV as we were touring around a bit. We spend on experiences.

Some things we do not spend huge money on. We live in a 4 bed but it’s not gigantic. We drive a 2017 Renault Espace but can afford a Ferrari. I love a good browse around Primark and I do my own nails.

Money buys choices and freedom.

It's nice.

But there are so many other things to worry about

I think the nicest thing I'd not having to worry about the basics ever, e.g. food, heating, clothes, running a car or public transport. That is a genuine privilege compared to most people on the planet and I'm daily grateful for it. Icing on the cake is ability to be able to afford socialising, holidays, a nice house and furniture etc. But it's not worrying about the basics that makes me happy not so much the 'extras'.

I haven't read the whole thread, just OP's posts, but I wanted to add my twopennorth. I'm 77 now, my then husband and I started off poor, worked hard etc - but in an age where house prices weren't skyrocketing every year, university education was free (and that went for our kids too). So we got to the point of being comfortable, but still having to save for large purchases. We divorced in 1989 and I could buy a small house and I had a good job, so was ok. My current partner was in a similar position. Two years ago my oldest daughter committed suicide and left me her two pension funds, a great deal of money. I said at the time "we don't want or need anything, this money is for making our old age more comfortable". Now my partner has dementia, we have made a very stressful and expensive move back to UK from abroad, I am a carer - and my daughter's money is putting me into the category OP talks about - I don't have to think about money (though I could never waste it). But sure as hell it hasn't made me happy.

My partner earns around 8k and week and a average week for me is about 4K with our own companies

It's lovely to not have to worry about money . When we first got together we had absolutely nothing . He had £60 a week after bills and I had not much more . I wouldn't say you ever stop worrying about money and we don't buy designer clothes but we do have lovely holidays, meals out and we can also help friends and family out if they need it . We are pretty sensible to be honest but he wanted his eyes lazered and 4,000 paid out felt the same as paying for a weekly shop . I'm very grateful but I have also worked extremely hard as has he to achieve this .

DH has worked his way up over the years and doesn't have a huge salary (£3300 or so a month) but we have no mortgage or other debt which means we don't really have to worry about money.
We are still careful though because that's how we got our mortgage paid off in the first place. We go on holiday and eat out a lot but we stay at reasonably priced airbnb's and fly cattle class. We have a cheap car, love Primark and have had a lot of the our furniture for nearly 20 years. We have a lot of exciting plans for the future which we are saving up for. We still have plenty to worry about that isn't related to money of course!

It’s really nice, and as somebody who has previously scrimped and saved for even basic food, I feel very fortunate. Bills come in and I can pay them. If I want a new coat or pair of shoes I can buy it. If there’s a weekend away we want I can book it. We don’t waste money, but it’s nice to have it there for things we want/need

@JaninaDuszejko

£4-5K per month is £48-60Kpa, it's a very good salary but not 'no worries about money'. DH and I both earn in that region and while I know we are very fortunate and very comfortable and live well and can save a lot per month and certainly never worry about supermarket shops or unexpected bills we still have to budget, it's just the budgeting is 'do we go on holiday or do we update the bathroom' or 'are we saving enough for retirement'. If we had e.g. chosen to send the DC to private school things would feel much tight because it would use up one salary (we have 3DC) and our pension/holidays/house updates salary would have disappeared. Obviously we are very fortunate that that is a choice for us. I suspect if we were on a million a year we'd find other things that we could spend money on and worry about. So I don't think money worries ever stop with a high salary, they just change.

4-5k a month after tax is nearer £100k salary after deductions.

No worries about money, however you still do worry with regards to keeping yourself in that situation even if you have no debt. Whatever you have there are few people who are never concerned about money. Obvs you don’t worry if things break or what you need to buy for food. You worry about different things.

I have never had a high income, even when I worked it wasn't much more than the national minimum wage, I never used to have savings & there was always more month than money. 11 years ago I became a single parent after my marriage ended & then lost my job due to ill health & had to go on benefits, I was living hand to mouth, often having to choose between paying the rent or buying food, I sometimes had to put £2 worth of fuel in the car & hold my breath when the red light came on in case I ran out of petrol before payday. Three years ago I decided I wanted to move house & started to save in a very small way, just a few pounds a month & cut down what I spent. For the first time in my life I have savings & far from being able to afford less because I am saving, I can afford more because I do save.

We take home around that figure a month, but we’re not well off. I couldn’t tell you how much money I spend in a shop or online. (Found out our Sky bills we’re coming to £200 a couple months ago, we thought it was about £90 because we don’t check our bank account closely bough lol.)

But I really don’t think that’s unusual tbh. We have a baby on the way, so maybe that changes when you have kids.