To not be able to love my dp's son

[candlemakermom]

Hi all.

Basically what the title says. I can't warm to my DPs son. We've been together for 2 and a half years and he's involved a lot in his sons life which I love. But I just don't like him very much. He's 6 He's spoilt, whiny and cries over the smallest thing. For example, we decided to have a day out a few weeks back. We booked to go to an amusement park and on the day my dp explained to his son we were not having any devices for the day. He cried. For ages. Stomped his feet and was miserable. He refuses to eat anything but chicken nuggets, fries or pizza. When he stays over he won't go to sleep unless my dp stays in the bed with him which means that I'm sat downstairs alone for the whole evening. He pulls a grumpy face whenever he doesn't get his own way and he constantly demands stuff. It's all so draining. I love my dp but I just don't know how I'm supposed to love this boy too?

@starsinthegutter

Sounds like a typical 6 Yr old to me too, it's a particularly shit age imo. He's not necessarily spoilt, it sounds like your DP is very empathetic which is great. He'll grow out of it, you just need to decide if its worth the wait. At that age, focus on the positives (if there are any)... if you want to bond with him, tell a few fart jokes 😉 he might be struggling with the set up of separated parents too.

I'm with you on age 6 being unbelievably trying. My experiences with the first half of my child's seventh year were exhausting and taxed me to the limit, not helped by lockdowns which exacerbated an already hard situation. They reminded me of the 'threenager' phase (terrible twos were never an issue) only with a bigger child. He challenged me on everything and argued black was white. This situation is a bucket of shit when it's your own child, let alone a child who isn't yours, so I do sympathise with your post. I could have cheerfully throttled him myself at times!

We rode it out, (of course imposing sanctions for the most challenging behaviour but also bearing in mind he'd had as awful a two years as we've all had). Having experienced similar phases before we hoped he'd get past it eventually which he did. Since a few months before turning 7 he's been a joy.

So yes, it might well be an age thing. And I do agree that little boys find farts absolutely hilarious ...

As soon as I started reading this I thought ‘OP doesn’t have kids does she’. Your expectations of a 6 year old are really unrealistic - that he should sleep alone without complaint, be really happy all the time & engaged with family activities, that he should know about personal space etc. Just not realistic. That isn’t to say his dad shouldn’t try to instil these things in him gently & appropriately, but frankly your posts just read like an irritable and unwilling stepmother who wants the kid to either be a little Angel or not there at all.

I get the feeling if you have a baby with your OH you’ll read back on this when they’re 5 or 6 and cringe.

If he’s only there one night a week why don’t you go to a friend’s or relative’s for the night, every couple of weeks? Give him some time with his dad that he doesn’t feel like he’s competing for, and you get a breather as well. He’s only six you need to be the adult here.