Page 13 | Kicked DP out for only fans this morning

middleofthelittle · 2021-10-15T07:34:25+00:00

No really sure where to start but looking for some advice on wether I've been unreadable here. I went up to bed last night abs DP phone was on the floor and he was asleep. There was notification saying new message from a strange app. I have never checked his phone before but never felt the need too but I opened it and he has had an onlyfans account since April. Spent over £200 on there but what has gutted me the most is 90% of it is to the same woman!! He has been messaging her most weeks, it is absolute vile and has paid for "personal" videos of her saying his name in a sex act. I am absolutely gutted. What is strange is that she is just a skinner, prettier version of me, but the same looks, age and body type. Why am I not good enough?! I lay awake until 4am when I couldn't hold it in anymore and confronted him. He admitted it all and said he is sorry ect. We spoke for 3 hours about how and why I am so upset and angry. I explained about my core values and if they don't match his we shouldn't be together. He has been struggling with depression and has been medicated since January and there has been a big improvement but that does not excuse this! I told him to pack a bag and not come home from work tonight as I don't want to be anywhere near him. He has packed a overnight bag and went to work. I just don't know what to do, he says he has never "cheated" in person but that is besides the point. He has used online prostitution and to me that is deep misogyny and not something I would ever accept. I'm absolutely gutted and unsure wether I have been too harsh in kicking him out?

Ladyraven0483 · 17/10/2021 12:59

The girls who do only fans basically laugh at their customers too btw, I have a friend who does it and she’s even met some of the men that have paid her, she only had to text one and he’ll pick her up take her to a cash machine and for food and that’s it, then keeps paying for more videos

Lostandlittle · 17/10/2021 18:01

@Ladyraven0483

The girls who do only fans basically laugh at their customers too btw, I have a friend who does it and she’s even met some of the men that have paid her, she only had to text one and he’ll pick her up take her to a cash machine and for food and that’s it, then keeps paying for more videos

And she’s proud of herself?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 17/10/2021 18:15

@Ladyraven0483

The girls who do only fans basically laugh at their customers too btw, I have a friend who does it and she’s even met some of the men that have paid her, she only had to text one and he’ll pick her up take her to a cash machine and for food and that’s it, then keeps paying for more videos

This sounds so unsafe. Getting a man who sees you as a sexual transaction to pick you up, in his car, alone. I really hope she stops doing that and that none of them ever hurt her. It chills me to think of a woman alone in a car with a stranger who sees women as objects he can buy access to. The kind of man of is hugely high risk. Please do try to encourage her not to do that if she would listen to you.

Ladyraven0483 · 17/10/2021 18:26

Not sure only know her through another friend so we aren’t close just someone I say hello to/ have a few drinks with if I’m out and see her but yeah she does this regularly from what she’s told me, I think it’s down right crazy but who am I to judge how she lives her life, just saying for the op to know that these women do meet up with their customers.

Lostandlittle · 17/10/2021 20:13

@Ladyraven0483

Not sure only know her through another friend so we aren’t close just someone I say hello to/ have a few drinks with if I’m out and see her but yeah she does this regularly from what she’s told me, I think it’s down right crazy but who am I to judge how she lives her life, just saying for the op to know that these women do meet up with their customers.

Both behaviours are deplorable

oiltrader · 18/10/2021 10:01

@Ledition

I ended a marriage for less. YADefinitelyNBU. It's cheating pure and simple. Stay strong OP you are absolutely doing the right thing.

what ever happened to people making marriages work

EatSleepRantRepeat · 18/10/2021 10:19

what ever happened to people making marriages work

It became apparent that the 'people' in this scenario were usually the wives trying to keep their families together while being treated like shit, with few other options. Women earn our own living now and we don't need to tolerate being 2nd (3rd, 4th..) best in our own relationships any more.

TasteTheMeatNotTheHeat · 18/10/2021 10:28

Who the hell wants to make a marriage work with a man who pays women to send videos of them performing sex acts and calling out his name?

Raise your bar.

Fluffycloudland77 · 18/10/2021 10:40

Well both of you have to behave yourselves for marriages to work. You can’t do it on your own.

oiltrader · 18/10/2021 15:19

@EatSleepRantRepeat

what ever happened to people making marriages work

It became apparent that the 'people' in this scenario were usually the wives trying to keep their families together while being treated like shit, with few other options. Women earn our own living now and we don't need to tolerate being 2nd (3rd, 4th..) best in our own relationships any more.

I have found my male partners tended to try and hold the marriage together

NeonTetras · 18/10/2021 16:38

@oiltrader Whatever happened to having moral standards and cheating being a dealbreaker? Are you suggest women are simply objects who should be abused and disrespected? Are you from the 1840s or the 1940s? I can't work out which.

NeonTetras · 18/10/2021 16:41

@oiltrader I have found my male partners tended to try and hold the marriage together

Male 'partners'? How many 'male partners' have you had in a marriage, and how many marriages have you been in?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 18/10/2021 20:31

@oiltrader

I have found my male partners tended to try and hold the marriage together

Would you have thought they were sensible to do so if you had been wanking on camera for money in personalised videos?

Because that's what OP is dealing with her husband paying a woman to do for him specifically.

If you don't think it's marriage ending and think she's not trying hard enough to get over it, would you say the same to the male partner of a woman doing what OP's partner paid another woman to do?

If your male partners (plural) have tended to be the ones to try to hold 'the marriage' together then it sounds like you've even married multiple times which is absolutely fine, and it's good for you that your male partners have been the ones to make the most effort... but rather contrasts with your implication that marriages should only end as an absolute last resort, as you have personally chosen not to stay married to the aforementioned husbands if there are multiple ones.

oiltrader · 21/10/2021 08:39

[quote TheFairPrincess]@oiltrader that you OP's BF?[/quote]
nope, unless he is female

oiltrader · 21/10/2021 08:39

[quote youvegottenminuteslynn]@oiltrader

I have found my male partners tended to try and hold the marriage together

Would you have thought they were sensible to do so if you had been wanking on camera for money in personalised videos?

Because that's what OP is dealing with her husband paying a woman to do for him specifically.

If you don't think it's marriage ending and think she's not trying hard enough to get over it, would you say the same to the male partner of a woman doing what OP's partner paid another woman to do?

If your male partners (plural) have tended to be the ones to try to hold 'the marriage' together then it sounds like you've even married multiple times which is absolutely fine, and it's good for you that your male partners have been the ones to make the most effort... but rather contrasts with your implication that marriages should only end as an absolute last resort, as you have personally chosen not to stay married to the aforementioned husbands if there are multiple ones. [/quote]
think its all blown out of proportion.

oiltrader · 21/10/2021 08:40

[quote NeonTetras]**@oiltrader* I have found my male partners tended to try and hold the marriage together*

Male 'partners'? How many 'male partners' have you had in a marriage, and how many marriages have you been in?[/quote]
marriage doesn't work in this day and age. my partner and I are very happy and open and if we want to do something we don't hide it. we are very open and modern

TertiusLydgate · 21/10/2021 08:44

You sound far too good for this moron OP.

You’ve absolutely done the right thing.

Closetbeanmuncher · 21/10/2021 09:11

First of all what a fucking loser 😶..
The internet is full of free porn and this grubby mug pays for it.

He has been struggling with depression

So have three quarters of the adult population but they manage not to do this.

He has used online prostitution

Essentially yes, it's got nothing to do with depression its thrill seeking. No matter how much you give to some people it's just never enough.

Thank fuck it's your house, keep him gone.

Closetbeanmuncher · 21/10/2021 09:27

But she’s not a better version of you- she fingers herself on camera for £18

True, but be sure to place blame where it belongs. If there weren't millions of desperate, thirsty men allover the planet there wouldn't be millions of women fingering themselves in the mirror for £18 (and worse).

I don't think I'd be able to enthusiastically have sex with him again, because in my mind he would be placed in the category of thirsty ape, and from that there's literally no return.

Really, If the guy doesnt know why you are upset and needs it explaining in painstaking detail, then he's either playing dumb to lessen the blow, or an absolute moron.from the sounds of it even other people know about his antics which is even more embarrassing.

He's untrustworthy and he pays for sexual services. Is that the type of man that aligns with your chosen lifestyle and values??

SunnySideDownBriefly · 21/10/2021 09:34

I hope you're OK @middleofthelittle

I had to comment as I want to applaud you. You know why you feel hurt. You know exactly what he has done wrong and you are not caving in to ridiculous notions of being a 'cool girl' and accepting this misogynistic bullshit. This is different to 'standard' porn which is sickening enough.

You haven't overreacted. You deserve a much more emotionally intelligent man than this. He has betrayed you, especially after you have given him so much emotional support with his mental issues, and I really hope that you find a way to move onwards and upwards. Don't look back.

jeaux90 · 21/10/2021 09:35

Any man who pays to exploit women or uses porn would not be a suitable partner.

What it says to me is that women are a commodity to be bought.

Move on, you've better things to do with your life than be with someone who values you and all women as nothing.

rhowton · 21/10/2021 09:46

Do you have children? If not, leave and find someone who has similar views on this.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 21/10/2021 20:59

So @oiltrader as I asked before, when you say:

I have found my male partners tended to try and hold the marriage together

Would you have thought they were sensible to do so if you had been wanking on camera for money in personalised videos?