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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be frustrated by people who are just oblivious

306 replies

Manyview · 15/10/2021 07:07

Nursery drop off queue - always a joy

Particular group of parents who just don't seem to have any grip on reality

Husband and I work hard in public sector jobs. They asked me how work is (for me social care) and I was like well pretty manky, big staff and money shortages, everyone's working v hard etc

Response : oh yeah I think I heard something about that last week...and covid is still about a bit isn't it apparently?? Did you hear that?

Is it just me? How can you be soooooo oblivious to real (and stressful) life around you? How can people be just so lacking in understanding of the genuine issues affecting real people?

OP posts:
Ozanj · 15/10/2021 08:07

Oversharing is rude. Next time don’t do it.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 15/10/2021 08:09

Why should they care about your job? Why do you care about their opinion? These are passing acquaintances at best , just smile and nod

silveryslade · 15/10/2021 08:09

It's a coping tactic. By continually shifting focus to positive things it means day to day life is just more enjoyable. Yes, bad things happen but the very worst bits are usually short lived.

I've been through a bit myself. DC diagnosed with SEN when small (thankfully overcome, very successfully), cancer (still here), bereavements. It's how I coped and still managed to find enjoyment in life.🤷‍♀️

SickAndTiredAgain · 15/10/2021 08:10

The covid comment was a bit oblivious.
But on social care, maybe they just didn’t want to get into it at the nursery gate? I have some knowledge of the difficulties of the social care system (not of working in it), because I know the issues my that mum is having with my gran, and that my aunt has with my cousin, but I wouldn’t want to get into a big discussion about it at nursery drop off.
And aside from that, do you have a detailed knowledge about all other struggling sectors? If you asked someone and it turned out they were a teacher/farmer/health care professional/worked in hospitality/worked in retail/worked in car manufacturing/worked in an abattoir/worked in construction/worked in travel/any number of other things, would you know more than what you’d seen in the news for all these areas, or would you come across as a bit oblivious to the struggles of the real life people in those industries.

GoldenOmber · 15/10/2021 08:10

Honestly, the ignorance is astounding! It's no wonder we have the highest numbers...

We don’t, though.

OP, covid is a big part of my work too so I do get the initial “”Confused how can you NOT KNOW?” reaction, but people have their own lives that are full up of their own things. Easier to remind yourself of that than seethe about them.

And at least “oh yeah I think I heard something about that on the news” beats them grumbling about how you’re all useless pen-pushers with overpowered unions who don’t do anything except make life hard for Real People, etc etc, which I’ve had before w/r/t my own busy public sector job!

Butchyrestingface · 15/10/2021 08:11

I would be confused by someone describing their work situation as “manky”. Where I come from, this means dirty.

But yeah, small talk is for an exchange of pleasantries, not a laundry list of complaints.

x2boys · 15/10/2021 08:12

@Silvercatowner

I was at the chemist stood behind someone who said to the assistant 'I've got a really bad cough (cough cough) please can you recommend something?'

After 20 months...

Tbf I'm at the tail end of a really bad cough, i have numerous LFT, s and a PCR and all negative....
Yogawankonobi · 15/10/2021 08:13

This is why I always just answer, ‘works fine thanks’ and move on to ask about them.
People don’t want to hear it really and unless you are in that environment you have no real idea.

MissChanandlerBong81 · 15/10/2021 08:14

yes I'm looking at you mother of 4 who only drops off one child but brings the other 3 to the door so that they can all say a goodbye that resembles an immigrant wake while the rest of us politely queue up behind you

I may be derailing the thread but what is an ‘immigrant wake’?

LettertoHermoine · 15/10/2021 08:14

Maybe they just wanted to drop their kids off and not have a running commentary on how hard your work life was. Fair play to them for trying the lighten the mood on your dismal chatter. Who wants to listen to that doom and gloom first thing in the morning. They are other parents dropping kids off, they are not your friends or family, why the hell would you care and lament their lack of interest. Everyone has their own crap going on and a lot don't verbalise it to strangers in a nursery queue.

MakkaPakkas · 15/10/2021 08:15

Everyone has their own shit to deal with. For all you know there are other things going on in these people's lives, other worries etc...
I'd cut them a bit of slack especially pre 9 am!

Keke94LND · 15/10/2021 08:15

What would you have preferred them to say?

arethereanyleftatall · 15/10/2021 08:15

And, also, (amd I am sorry this has become a bit of a pile on), but I am getting by very bored of this race to the bottom. A competitive 'whose life is more shit'. Maybe they are oblivious. Maybe they have really happy lives because they're so oblivious.

NailsNeedDoing · 15/10/2021 08:16

People in a nursery queue will be real people with genuine issues.

Do you understand the stresses of their working days?

Username817391920384747 · 15/10/2021 08:17

What did you expect, for them to have a lengthy discussion about the many issues pertaining to social care on nursery drop off? Yabu

FreedomFaith · 15/10/2021 08:17

@thisplaceisweird

God how are we that bad in covid numbers despite vaccinating earlier than any other country?

But then it's not really surprising, there was a thread recently where several people thought it was normal and ok for someone to go to the toilet in a public place with the door open, not flush the toilet or wash their hands. And how many on here have admitted they don't wash their hands after going to the toilet? 🤢

We really just prove on a regular basis on here how disgusting people are. No wonder it's still spreading.

merrymouse · 15/10/2021 08:17

They are just being sociable at drop off and probably thinking about their own work problems or whether they need to talk to the nursery staff about something.

I think you are reading too much into small talk.

DarlingFell · 15/10/2021 08:17

@Silvercatowner

I was at the chemist stood behind someone who said to the assistant 'I've got a really bad cough (cough cough) please can you recommend something?'

After 20 months...

This might blow your mind so you might want to sit down.

Coughing existed before Covid

😮

LemonTT · 15/10/2021 08:18

OP how have you tried to get insight into their lives which you assume are all rosy? The post reveals you to think only about yourself and that you make unfounded and negative assumptions about people you think are different.

OP you are prejudiced and superior. As are all the pp calling others stupid and ill informed because they don’t behave like you.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 15/10/2021 08:19

i came on to say similar @LemonTT

what are their worries? did you find out?

rrhuth · 15/10/2021 08:20

I know what you mean - I think a lot of people are living in a dream world really.

If you work in social care you are confronting things most people try to avoid thinking about - the absolute state of the care of old people in this country, their loneliness, NHS failure, covid chaos, underfunding, staff shortages.

A lot of people are unable to even start to think about it, they have to do lalala.

DarlingFell · 15/10/2021 08:21

OP, you might want to refine your small talk subjects. Most folk don’t want to debate all the problems in the world when they are dropping their offspring at nursery. Talk about the weather, it won’t bend you out of shape so much

rrhuth · 15/10/2021 08:21

Agree also you never know what other people are dealing with.

Cofifeefee · 15/10/2021 08:21

@misschanandlerBong81 an immigrant wake is an Irish thing. In the late 19th century, it was unlikely that people who immigrated to America would ever come back to Ireland so the farewell "party" was likened to a funeral wake because the family were never going to see the person again.

AdriannaP · 15/10/2021 08:23

@HomeSliceKnowsBest

It was a light exchange of pleasantries, not an invitation for you to unload. The polite response is 'busy, thankyou! And how are you?'
Exactly this. It’s small talk OP he didn’t really want to hear about your work issues. Keep it light and friendly. You sound intense.