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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be frustrated by people who are just oblivious

306 replies

Manyview · 15/10/2021 07:07

Nursery drop off queue - always a joy

Particular group of parents who just don't seem to have any grip on reality

Husband and I work hard in public sector jobs. They asked me how work is (for me social care) and I was like well pretty manky, big staff and money shortages, everyone's working v hard etc

Response : oh yeah I think I heard something about that last week...and covid is still about a bit isn't it apparently?? Did you hear that?

Is it just me? How can you be soooooo oblivious to real (and stressful) life around you? How can people be just so lacking in understanding of the genuine issues affecting real people?

OP posts:
silveryslade · 16/10/2021 19:35

People like that are why we have a pantomime of a government

What because they don't want a long conversation when dropping off their child at nursery?

Tessabelle74 · 16/10/2021 19:49

Let's be honest here OP, no one in the nursery queue gives a crap about your life. Nod and say "fine thanks" that's all a stranger wants to hear anyway

Ventno · 16/10/2021 19:49

I am not sure whether the OP was framing her comment around the person saying ‘Covid is still about a bit isn't it apparently?? Did you hear that?’ If so, I do find it interesting that someone in the U.K. would say CoVid is still a bit about when the U.K. is one of the countries with the most cases currently and still over a 100 people dying daily. High cases will also mean more long covid.

In the article I will link to be,ke a consultant in anaesthesia and intensive care medicine says ‘With about 20% of ICU beds and 10% of hospital beds occupied by Covid patients, there is no prospect of an imminent return to business as usual.

“That proportion will continue to slowly occupy hospital beds for many weeks or months to come,” Cook said. “I don’t see an end to this level of occupancy for quite some time.’

Many don’t seem concerned that we have had for the last couple of months much higher cases and deaths than the rest of Europe. Someone in the article argues this is because the ‘government has been “systematically normalising” the UK’s current rate of infections.’

www.theguardian.com/world/2021/oct/15/why-britons-are-tolerating-sky-high-covid-rates-and-why-this-may-not-last

Mellowyellow222 · 16/10/2021 20:09

There is nothing more draining than someone who always complains about work.

We all have our troubles. Stick to polite small talk.

Cavementality · 16/10/2021 21:32

It's all a matter of perspective. There are people who work in all sorts vital of jobs that you know nothing about so you too are oblivious to real and stressful life around you!

Feeasco · 16/10/2021 22:12

I think every sector has been battling with Covid. Whether in public or private - the challenges have been enormous.
I doubt anyone is clueless, but after 18 months and still facing challenges both Covid and Brexit, some need to have moments where the conversation shifts from this all consuming topic to something else - just to keep sane. I doubt everyone is clueless.
Also, perhaps the timing was out as the school drop off is usually brief and people are rushing off to start the day.

ThistleTits · 16/10/2021 23:41

@Theworldisfullofgs

Yep. Its one of the reasons why the country is in the state its in, lots of oblivious people.
^this^
dapsnotplimsolls · 16/10/2021 23:46

12 pages and OP hasn't been back. Interesting.

DerAlteMann · 17/10/2021 01:02

@Pythonista

I think it may be you that is oblivious.

People ask how work is to make small talk - they aren't expecting a litany of complaints. And having received them, they don't know what to say

This x 1000.
AliceinBorderland · 17/10/2021 01:19

Many people don't know legal aid barely exists anymore. Still happy to slag off lawyers.
Many people think legal aid is like the NHS.

Pay for it or represent yourself genuinely shocks people. Divorce and contact used to be means tested now there is no legal aid for it

People don't know things that don't affect them

supperlover · 17/10/2021 02:18

@HomeSliceKnowsBest

It was a light exchange of pleasantries, not an invitation for you to unload. The polite response is 'busy, thankyou! And how are you?'
Think u our missing the point. OP was surprised that people are oblivious to what's going on re Covid and in Social Care. I agree with her that it's frustrating.
supperlover · 17/10/2021 02:19

Typo- you're

sue20 · 17/10/2021 02:50

You seem to be assuming that everyone has a less stressful experience than you? The more stressed and anxious I feel the less I want to share that it seems too much .

HappyDays40 · 17/10/2021 03:17

Its not a deep and meaningful. People have other things going on like work to go to themselves. They are probably working just as hard and don't want to stand around blethering.

daisychain01 · 17/10/2021 03:28

You know when someone say "hi, how are you?" they don't literally want you to catalogue your painful haemorrhoids, or that your knee is still giving you jip etc etc, you just say "I'm well thanks, hope you are too".

Well, work is no different, they don't need chapter and verse.

PurpleOkapi · 17/10/2021 04:08

If you're under the misimpression that passing acquaintances who ask "How's work?" really want to know all about your budget shortfalls and staffing issues, I don't think they're the oblivious ones here.

Petlover9 · 17/10/2021 04:21

@Mondaynightnamechange

A lot of people are oblivious sheep, unfortunately.
In the post office queue I overheard a conversation and the person thought Mrs May was still the PM. She seemed surprised when told that Boris was. What amazed me was, there is always a queue there and people stand right beside all the newspapers with the headlines on show. The other person asked if she ever watched the news on TV and was told, "No, I don't like that programme". I really did not realise that some people can live in their own bubble and not know about important things happening around us all.
AliceinBorderland · 17/10/2021 05:18

I do find it interesting that someone in the U.K. would say CoVid is still a bit about when the U.K. is one of the countries with the most cases currently and still over a 100 people dying daily. High cases will also mean more long covid.

I do find it interesting when people react with horror at the deaths from covid without having not read the small print.

Whenever the bbc give the death figures on screen the small print underneath says

Deaths for any reason within 28 days of a positive test.

Let that sink in. For any reason they count it as a covid death if you tested positive within the last month.

It's surprising the people who don't know that as our definition of a death is one of widest in the world and likely the figures don't reflect reality.

However as for the OP I know not to ask certain people how they are or how work is as you get an earful.

londonrach · 17/10/2021 05:34

Op...sounds like the other parent wanted small talk not in-depth discussion about the world at the moment. Keep things light. I bet they know of course they do but if like 90÷ of the mums I know turned the news off a year ago and just got on with day to day... Nursery or school drop off is light small talk.. weather talk...cold today, hit today, raining etc.

wejammin · 17/10/2021 05:55

I actually think there's a lot to be said for trying to live in a slightly 'ignorant' way, for want of a better word.
As a domestic violence volunteer, mum of a child with SEN, former legal aid lawyer, GC feminist, vegan, environmentalist, general worrier about The State Of Things, I have been awake half the night in a state of anxiety that was triggered by trying to research eco- alternatives to balloons for my 3 year old's birthday. I would be so much happier if I just didn't give any shits, that is absolutely true, and in a way I admire people who can just crack on without overthinking life outside of their own bubble.

wejammin · 17/10/2021 06:04

And, I should add, if someone at the nursery door asks me how I am, I absolutely do not want a debate about the state of the country/world/society. "Fine thanks" works for me. I don't know you, my brain is full, I've already dealt with a toddler that morning.

Darlingx · 17/10/2021 07:00

I think it’s called drop off for a reason. It would be like complaining about the dining experience at a McDonalds drive through.
I am saying this as someone who hates the charade of small talk because having constant surface conversation does seem utterly fruitless but so does smiling at passers by in London’s parks . You are in your local community but its the time and the place.
What I have found after Covid and Lockdowns which my fat fingers always type as lickdowns . People have been more open to be friendly in the community . I got a hug off both of my neighbours yesterday Smile now that beats off loading luggage or Baggage any day !

Darlingx · 17/10/2021 07:10

wejammin

I often would pose the question to my father as a teenager, Ignorance is bliss? I realised there are some lucky devils out their who just didn’t get it lucky sods Flowers Now I realise that we will all have the human experience at some level at some point in our lives.

Pythonista · 17/10/2021 12:58

Think u our missing the point. OP was surprised that people are oblivious to what's going on re Covid and in Social Care. I agree with her that it's frustrating.

Of course they aren't oblivious. If the person genuinely said this, it implies she was taking the piss somewhat,

Pythonista · 17/10/2021 13:04

Oh and if forced to have small talk, I would rather speak to someone who wants to keep it light than someone with a superiority complex who thinks it's appropriate to whine in detail about