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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting 5 year old to write lots of thank you cards... WWYD? AIBU?

242 replies

cloudlessbluesky · 14/10/2021 19:47

I was brought up to write thank you cards whenever I got presents from relatives or friends of my parents. It was just the done thing in our house. I still write them after my birthday and Christmas, or any other time someone buys me a present.
I'm trying to bring up my son to do the same (and with good manners in general, something very lacking in most of his peers I've meet so far).
Trouble is, how on earth can I keep him motivated in writing about 20 (on average!) thank you cards to relatives? Writing out pretty much the same thing in each? I try to do it over a couple of weeks so he's not doing too many at once (very limited attention span). I just find it so draining, started them last night and it took almost an hour to get him to write "Dear X.. thank you very much for my present. Love from X".
Aaarrgh!
Any other parents find this stressful?

OP posts:
FTEngineerM · 14/10/2021 19:48

I have never done this.
A 21st century phone call to say thank you would suffice

Greenmarmalade · 14/10/2021 19:49

Maybe just get him to sign them and stick on the stamps?

icelollycraving · 14/10/2021 19:50

At that age I used to write them and get him to do a drawing on the card or letter.

YoComoManzanas · 14/10/2021 19:50

Nah. I just send a photo of him playing with the gift and a thankyou. Might try a video call too but usually only with grandparents.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 14/10/2021 19:51

I don’t- times change, society has changed- recording a thank you WhatsApp message is easier more 2021 and a lot more instant. It still instills good manners and gratitude

Nearlytheretrees · 14/10/2021 19:51

We typed a letter together then they wrote their name

dementedpixie · 14/10/2021 19:52

Just don't do them
Text to say thanks or say thanks when receiving the gift

WheresTheHedge · 14/10/2021 19:53

A quick thank you message should suffice. It's totally over the top to make your child write elaborate thank you cards. A little note with thank you for my present at a push.

Whatinthelord · 14/10/2021 19:53

I just do a video of my daughter saying thank you and post it to the person .

Retrievemysanity · 14/10/2021 19:53

20 is way too many in my opinion. We do cards for the older generation ie grandparents and great grandparents. Then calls, video messages or thanks in person to everyone else.

Mojoj · 14/10/2021 19:54

Have you never heard of texting/WhatsApp/calling....? Still showing good manners. What kid wants to sit writing out 20 letters!!

Divebar2021 · 14/10/2021 19:54

I’m actually think a thank you should be given but think I may be in a minority now. ( although I have received thank you cards from DD’s classmates) I certainly wouldn’t expect a 5 year old to write out all of that. I would probably write the message out myself and just get him to write his name. Perhaps get him to write it all for grandma or grandad who would probably cherish it. Alternatively send a text message with a photo.

Waspsarearseholes · 14/10/2021 19:54

Getting a 5 year old to write out the whole thing is a bit unrealistic and becomes a huge and unpleasant chore for him. Why don't you ask him what he wants to say about his gift/the giver, write the card and he just write his name at the bottom?

WheresTheHedge · 14/10/2021 19:54

I'd rather not get any gifts if it meant writing 20 thank you cards.

SeasonFinale · 14/10/2021 19:54

We still do. At that age though I might just get him to write the To X and From DS lines and write the rest myself

80sballetgirl · 14/10/2021 19:56

When my DS was young we would have a big painting / drawing session. He would make a beautiful 😂 picture as a thank you. I would write on the back (dear granny, thank you etc love DS) & he would put put kisses on.

JapanJetplane · 14/10/2021 19:56

I was brought up to write thank you notes too but 20 is too many for a 5yo. I would just get cards printed up with a thank you message already inside and just have him sign them.

Catawaul · 14/10/2021 19:56

Mine do "Thank you, love X". I think thank you letters are important but they don't have to be long.

MuddlingThrough1724 · 14/10/2021 19:57

I print out a sticker with the thank you message and daughter (nearly 5) just writes the "To" and "from" part.

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 14/10/2021 20:00

My mother used to make me write a "proper" letter, and start again/ do another copy if I made spelling mistakes or my writing wasn't neat enough - I really struggled with handwriting and spelling until my early teens and it was a major struggle. She also made a big performance of writing " the thank you letter list" as we opened presents.

This only served to make me deeply ungrateful and resentful of the numerous old-lady nylon nickers and regifted hankies embroidered with other people's initials which my large number of great aunts sent every Christmas.

I've never made my children write a thank you letter in their lives and hate receiving them from the one relative who makes her children write them so much I've asked her not to, but they still keep coming.

Good manners is saying thank you. Thank you letters from children are a matter of rather painful (and obsolete IMO) etiquette, and there is a significant difference between manners and etiquette.

PinkWaferBiscuit · 14/10/2021 20:00

started them last night and it took almost an hour to get him to write "Dear X.. thank you very much for my present. Love from X".

I wouldn't be sending your child a present if you were then forcing them to spend an hour writing a note which would likely end up in the bin. The only use for such a note is as a way to embed a hatred of writing.

A video of him saying thank you and actually playing with his gift would be much more meaningful than a note he was forced to spend so long writing when he should be playing with the toy he's writing about.

DappledThings · 14/10/2021 20:00

My older DC is 5 too. I've not yet made him write full cards, just the Dear X love X top and tail.

DinosApple · 14/10/2021 20:01

Write thank you on a chalk board, take a cute photo of him holding it and either print and post it or email it. Much easier for him and you, and they'll all love the picture.

Gingerodgers · 14/10/2021 20:02

Personally, I think these types of Thankyou letters seem like token gesture, and I’d much rather receive a Thankyou for a visit where I had put a lot of effort into making sure my guests enjoyed themselves. It feels so much more genuine. It can all become a bit…. Receives token gift…. Sends token Thankyou letter…. All just a bit pointless really. I can tell if a Thankyou letter is written out of a perceived sense of duty, rather than actually being a real heartfelt Thankyou, and really it just becomes a bit pointless and insincere. I see on threads here often.. take a token gift… fuck that… why?? Everyone hates token gifts, and token Thankyou letters feel the same.

FrankButchersDickieBow · 14/10/2021 20:03

I think a picture of them with they toy or whatever it may be, playing/smiling/giving a thumbs up, and a message to say 'x loves his game/t-shirt (whatever), Thank you so much

All sent via whatsapp/email etc.

A modern thank you for modern times.

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