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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting 5 year old to write lots of thank you cards... WWYD? AIBU?

242 replies

cloudlessbluesky · 14/10/2021 19:47

I was brought up to write thank you cards whenever I got presents from relatives or friends of my parents. It was just the done thing in our house. I still write them after my birthday and Christmas, or any other time someone buys me a present.
I'm trying to bring up my son to do the same (and with good manners in general, something very lacking in most of his peers I've meet so far).
Trouble is, how on earth can I keep him motivated in writing about 20 (on average!) thank you cards to relatives? Writing out pretty much the same thing in each? I try to do it over a couple of weeks so he's not doing too many at once (very limited attention span). I just find it so draining, started them last night and it took almost an hour to get him to write "Dear X.. thank you very much for my present. Love from X".
Aaarrgh!
Any other parents find this stressful?

OP posts:
HalloHello · 14/10/2021 22:24

I also love to recieve a picture of the present being used if it's a child, like them playing with a toy or wearing the clothes and I often do that too

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 14/10/2021 22:25

Get him to write it once on a sheet of a4. Take a photo and upload it to moon pig and make a card out of it. Then send it to everyone.

If you want to make it less generic you can always get him to write 'thank you very much for my ..........' I am looking forward to.......... and then he can say jumper and wearing it, or car and playing with it, chocolate and eating it etc. And take photos of him playing with/ wearing or whatever to put on the front of each card

GeorgiaGirl52 · 14/10/2021 22:29

I raised my son to write Thank you notes. He was not allowed to play with the present until he had written the note, even just one sentence and a signature.
When he was a senior in HS, he got a scholarship through his part-time job. At my suggestion, he wrote a t-y note to the owner who recommended him. A few months later the owner came into the store and asked for him. He told my grandson that out of 20 scholarships they had given out, they only got two thank you notes.
He offered my grandson extra hours, and training that led to a salary increase.
The pen is still mightier than the text message!!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 14/10/2021 22:34

@GeorgiaGirl52

I raised my son to write Thank you notes. He was not allowed to play with the present until he had written the note, even just one sentence and a signature. When he was a senior in HS, he got a scholarship through his part-time job. At my suggestion, he wrote a t-y note to the owner who recommended him. A few months later the owner came into the store and asked for him. He told my grandson that out of 20 scholarships they had given out, they only got two thank you notes. He offered my grandson extra hours, and training that led to a salary increase. The pen is still mightier than the text message!!
Did he have the option the text back then?
SylvanasWindrunner · 14/10/2021 22:36

If you're set on cards, get some thank-you postcards with a pic of your DC on the front or something. You can order them online on places like Snapfish and they're cheap. Just address them and bung a stamp on. No one has to write or sign anything.

Pashazade · 14/10/2021 22:37

I got DS to do a picture, photocopied it and wrote a quick message on the back. This year (age 10) I got him to write a couple of lines, but we have a lot to get through, but it was on the back of a postcard print of a painting he did. Whilst I agree it's over formal these days I feel he should appreciate the fact he is lucky enough to receive the gifts he has. So a little effort in response seems appropriate. Another couple of years and he can be what's apping everyone or sending video messages as thank yous.

Heartofglass12345 · 14/10/2021 22:45

Ridiculous in this day and age. I let my kids open their presents and say thank you when they are opened, to the person who gave it to them. Either that or a call/ text/ video message saying thank you.
I've never given one or received one!

Couchbettato · 14/10/2021 22:45

I don't understand thank you cards.

It's like, you're buying someone something, for them having bought you something.

What's next? You're welcome cards?

Just pick the phone up and give them a call.

Heartofglass12345 · 14/10/2021 22:47

@GeorgiaGirl52 when did your son turn into your grandson?

melj1213 · 14/10/2021 23:03

For my DD I have always just got postcards printed with a picture of DD on the day of the gifting event - birthday/Christmas/Easter etc - on one side and a preprinted "Thank you for my present" on the other side so all we have to do is write the gift givers name and for DD to sign it.

It works really well as we have family and friends all over the world who send presents so those postcards work as both a thank you note and for us to be able to send nice pictures of DD to family/friends for them to keep (they are usually standard photo size so people can pop them in a frame to display them if they want, which many family members do, especially those who live further away and don't get to see us in person from year to year)

When DD was tiny I would write in the gift givers name and DDs name, and she would scrawl a few kisses and draw a picture, and as she has got older (and her writing got more legible!) I have had her do more of the writing, and now she is a preteen and she will often add an extra sentence or two about the specific present, especially if it is from family/friends abroad who she won't see in person.

DillyDilly · 14/10/2021 23:09

@PinkCricket

Ours isnt a posh area but yes generally at infants we all got thankyou cards and gave them! I dont think ive received them now in upper juniors so maybe its dying out as they get older!

Often people bought the matching thankyou note set to the invitation set!

Probably one parent decided it was cute to send TY cards after parties and other parents felt guilted into it. No doubt by upper juniors they had seen the light and realised it was just another time consuming ritual that they were guilted into following could be dispensed with.

For children’s birthday parties, a text from a parent of the birthday child to parents of the children who attended thanking them for coming and their lovely gifts is perfectly acceptably.

Twillow · 14/10/2021 23:12

Definitely too much at 5. You write the note and get him to sign his name and/or draw a picture.

Mumsnut · 14/10/2021 23:15

Get him to draw a picture and write 'Thank you from x' on it. Then copy it 20 times and send off.

Sh05 · 14/10/2021 23:16

I'm sure someone must have have said this already but if not here goes, why don't you print out the thankyou messages and just get him to write his name at the end. Or leave a space at the top and he can copy out each person's name.

HadEnoughOfBears · 14/10/2021 23:26

My eldest is 17. When she was small I wrote them and included a photo (oh dear god the effort!) When she learned to write we would either type a letter and print it and she would write her name or she would write one letter and we would photocopy it.
With the 11yr old it's been so much easier to send a thank you video or post on FB on whatever.
Also I think that if you've said thank you in person at the time someone gives you the present then nothing else is required.

YourFinestPantaloons · 14/10/2021 23:30

Easy answer: don't.

Cards are shit. And encourage waste. I don't even do birthday or Christmas cards let alone thank you cards.

The beauty of today is we have technology to make our lives easier. Record one video of him saying thank you for my present and send it to each recipient with 'A Message From Toby to Nana'. Much cuter and easier. You aren't gonna get a 5yo to sit and write 20 cards!

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 14/10/2021 23:30

I don't understand the thank you card receivers who say they'd put it straight in the bin — I'd put it up on my mantelpiece and it would make me smile when I saw it, because I'd think of them happily playing/reading/wearing the gift.

Having said that, five is very little to write/copy the whole thing, and I'd make it easier for him.

I used to enjoy writing them — we'd talk about the people the gifts were from
(especially if they didn't live near us) and DM/DF would tell us about them.

paxillin · 14/10/2021 23:33

You type them, get him to sign three or four, congratulate him on having done the lot. Then you sign the remaining ones with your foot or the "wrong" hand.

YourFinestPantaloons · 14/10/2021 23:34

Probably one parent decided it was cute to send TY cards after parties and other parents felt guilted into it

This is basically what happened when my DD was in infants 🤣 I refused to be OTT of that shit though, I drew and hard firm line that I wouldn't get caught up in any twee nonsense to keep up with the Jones's (probably why I'm unpopular at pick up 😂)

foxgoosefinch · 14/10/2021 23:53

I like the idea of the smiley photo of the child holding up a blackboard with “thank you for my present” on it. I make DD send thank-you notes, but only written ones for the older generation - others can be texts or pictures or videos!

Newmumatlast · 15/10/2021 00:32

I'm a fan of thank you cards. I disagree they'll create a hatred for writing etc. Never did for me as a child. I did thank you letters and liked doing it to be honest. But I wouldnt force it. My child is really young so at the moment thank you cards are a photo and a scribble drawing on it with me writing the thanks or some sort of painting art which she enjoys with me writing thanks. Nothing long and we like doing crafts together so actually it is a decent prompt/craft idea. Just something short and sweet is fine. 20 is alot though.

Heartofglass12345 · 15/10/2021 00:58

@PolkadotsAndMoonbeams I wouldn't, i'd be thinking of the poor kid that's being forced to write loads of thank you letters instead of enjoying the present I got for them Grin

Holskey · 15/10/2021 01:14

Please don't oblige your 5-year-old in this monotonous way. What a waste of paper! And I wouldn't be happy to receive such a card if I knew the child did it begrudgingly because of your sense of duty. I'd be delighted with a message/picture.

Mymapuddlington · 15/10/2021 01:21

I’d love to be a thank you card person. I tried when ds was smaller but quickly figured out whatsapp was a lot easier. For grandparents I filmed him saying thank you sometimes.

impossible · 15/10/2021 01:39

When my DCs were small I would get them to do a drawing with 'thank you' then scan and print out as many copies as I needed, folding them into cards. This wasn't high quality and didn't take long but they were always appreciated. Once made, all DCs had to do was sign. If they wanted to write more for a particular person they could.