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AIBU?

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Original poster

Getting 5 year old to write lots of thank you cards... WWYD? AIBU?

242 replies

cloudlessbluesky · 14/10/2021 19:47

I was brought up to write thank you cards whenever I got presents from relatives or friends of my parents. It was just the done thing in our house. I still write them after my birthday and Christmas, or any other time someone buys me a present.
I'm trying to bring up my son to do the same (and with good manners in general, something very lacking in most of his peers I've meet so far).
Trouble is, how on earth can I keep him motivated in writing about 20 (on average!) thank you cards to relatives? Writing out pretty much the same thing in each? I try to do it over a couple of weeks so he's not doing too many at once (very limited attention span). I just find it so draining, started them last night and it took almost an hour to get him to write "Dear X.. thank you very much for my present. Love from X".
Aaarrgh!
Any other parents find this stressful?

OP posts:
SarahBellam · 15/10/2021 05:37

Blimey, I'd rather not receive the gifts than have to write out 20 thank you cards. I can't remember the last time I received one either. Usually we message a thank you with a pic of the giftee wearing it or playing with it, or FaceTime if it's close family.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/10/2021 06:08

@PolkadotsAndMoonbeams

I don't understand the thank you card receivers who say they'd put it straight in the bin — I'd put it up on my mantelpiece and it would make me smile when I saw it, because I'd think of them happily playing/reading/wearing the gift.

Having said that, five is very little to write/copy the whole thing, and I'd make it easier for him.

I used to enjoy writing them — we'd talk about the people the gifts were from
(especially if they didn't live near us) and DM/DF would tell us about them.

Because I live in a tiny house, no mantel and don’t know for what purpose I’d want to reread it. Once one present is out the way it’s on to the next kid related agenda item.
JustLyra · 15/10/2021 06:13

We only do thank you notes/cards for people we don't see in person or for a couple of older relatives (Great-Granny and Gr-gr-Aunty).

Anyone else gets thanked in person or a text or phone call.

PinkWaferBiscuit · 15/10/2021 06:33

I don't understand the thank you card receivers who say they'd put it straight in the bin — I'd put it up on my mantelpiece and it would make me smile when I saw it, because I'd think of them happily playing/reading/wearing the gift.

Why would I want to keep it? Even if I kept it for a while it would still eventually end up in the bin. I'd much rather have a lovely picture on my phone of the child enjoying the gift which takes up no room at all, isn't then thrown away and more importantly didn't conjure up images of the poor child sat at a table being forced, bribed and probably shedding a few tear for an hour whilst they wrote it.

DeepaBeesKit · 15/10/2021 06:35

20 is too many.

2 or 3 to grandparents, calls for everyone else.

EarringsandLipstick · 15/10/2021 06:36

He was not allowed to play with the present until he had written the note, even just one sentence and a signature.

That's so sad - he couldn't play with it until he'd written the note?!

Rainallnight · 15/10/2021 06:45

I don’t think it’s fair to require kids to maintain a standard I don’t reach myself. I don’t do thank you cards, so they don’t either.

For presents I do a text and picture.

If someone has hosted us, we usually send a TouchNote card with photos of the day on it and a nice message.

twocatsandtwokids · 15/10/2021 06:56

Can you do a mixture? A few handwritten cards, some thank you videos, what’s apps etc depending on the recipient? As long as “thank you” is said, I don’t think it matters how! My son is 8 now and for his last birthday he wrote thank you emails from his own email address - he felt grown up and it was easier than writing physical cards!

Icebreaker99 · 15/10/2021 06:59

I was brought up writing thank you cards and I still send them. I remember disliking having to write them but I never had to write 20!

How about getting him to write "Thank you for my present, love (Name)" and then scanning it and printing it multiple times. Then him or you can stick them in the cards (either bought or maybe he could design one and again print and scan) and then send them out. If anyone doesn't like the fact it's no personalized by a 5 year old might not send a gift next year, which would be a win as 20 gifts sounds like a lot to find storage space for Wink

diddl · 15/10/2021 07:10

If the kid can't write it thenselves-what is the point of the adult writing & the kid just "signing"?

Isn't that something that ony Gps would appreciate?

Surely most will go in the bin?

Gilly12345 · 15/10/2021 07:20

I remember having to write thank you cards but I think the number you mentioned is a lot for such a young child.

Why not for now you text people a thank you and do the thank you notes with him when he is a bit older with more concentration?

sexesam · 15/10/2021 07:31

I just got my 5yo daughter to write their name, thank you and her name.
We did 2 or 3 each night until they were done.
When she could only first write I got her to just write her name. We can move on to thank you for... When she is older.

I think that it's a lovely thing to do still. I have a photo on the front from that BD/Christmas and I think it's nice for those people who we don't get to see often enough to get a little update. My SILs fridge is covered in the card photos.

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 15/10/2021 07:34

Make individual videos of him saying thank you and holding up his toy.

Dojacatpaws · 15/10/2021 07:36

We write out a gold embossed card with a delicate water colour painting of said child with gift

girlmom21 · 15/10/2021 07:37

@Dojacatpaws

We write out a gold embossed card with a delicate water colour painting of said child with gift
That makes you look ungrateful. You don't make enough effort. I'd be offended if I received that as a thank you.
Peace43 · 15/10/2021 07:38

I hate this tradition. It feels like punishing a kid for receiving a present. If I got a thank you note written by a 5year old I’d be horrified and would quite likely not give anymore presents. A text or phone call to say thanks is more than enough if the person wasn’t there to be thanked in person when the gift was opened.

Cuddlyrottweiler · 15/10/2021 07:39

Honestly I'd not care in the slightest getting a letter that said "to you, thankyou for my present, love me" I don't see how that's any more thoughtful than sending a picture of him playing with it and a thankyou. You could even have him send voice notes instead of texts through WhatsApp or messenger

JKDinomum · 15/10/2021 07:40

I generally only do letters for people who they didn't physically see to say thank you. I get them to draw a nice picture with a generic thank you message on it, then scan it and print it out to send to all who gave.

onelittlefrog · 15/10/2021 07:52

I think it's nice to send thank you cards to certain older relatives like grandparents. But 20? Why are you making him do that many?

If you're doing it for friends do you think they are really bothered? If I received a card like this from a friend's child I would be thinking "jeez, I wonder how many of these that poor child had to write"!

At least just write them out for him and get him to just sign his name.

It seems mean to make a child do this.

Marvellousmadness · 15/10/2021 07:55

Just do one !make a photo of it whilst your kid is holding it. Send to everyone. Done
There is good manners and there is over the top Blush

bogeythefungusman · 15/10/2021 08:02

Friend takes a photo of her DD on her birthday, blowing candles out or opening gifts and has them printed with a caption 'I had great fun turning 4' or 'I blew all my candles out at once' - DD writes 'thank you, love X' on the back and helps her Mum put them in envelopes. Having been on the receiving end of these photos I think it's a lovely idea.

SpinsForGin · 15/10/2021 08:19

Far too much for a 5 year old.

ChaToilLeam · 15/10/2021 08:26

20 thank you letters? That’s crazy, it must feel like a punishment. Just do cards for relatives who aren’t on social media and do a lovely thank you photo or video for the rest. That’s what I get from my godsons and it is lovely.

Rizzoli123 · 15/10/2021 08:35

I did this and still do with my kids. I get touch notes and they pick the messages and writing and each person gets sent one who sent a gift. Same as at Christmas. My MIL still gets ones from adults

Disfordarkchocolate · 15/10/2021 08:39

At 5 I'd be getting him to do the name and sign them, with you writing or printing the rest.