Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting 5 year old to write lots of thank you cards... WWYD? AIBU?

242 replies

cloudlessbluesky · 14/10/2021 19:47

I was brought up to write thank you cards whenever I got presents from relatives or friends of my parents. It was just the done thing in our house. I still write them after my birthday and Christmas, or any other time someone buys me a present.
I'm trying to bring up my son to do the same (and with good manners in general, something very lacking in most of his peers I've meet so far).
Trouble is, how on earth can I keep him motivated in writing about 20 (on average!) thank you cards to relatives? Writing out pretty much the same thing in each? I try to do it over a couple of weeks so he's not doing too many at once (very limited attention span). I just find it so draining, started them last night and it took almost an hour to get him to write "Dear X.. thank you very much for my present. Love from X".
Aaarrgh!
Any other parents find this stressful?

OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 14/10/2021 20:20

It's 2021. Take a nice photo and send them all a WhatsApp message.

PinkWaferBiscuit · 14/10/2021 20:20

some of the comments making it sound like you're committing some form of child abuse are rather OTT. Sometimes children have to do things they don't want to.

Not child abuse but definitely a way to put a child who has probably only very recently started writing off writing.

If the OP has 20 notes for her child to write and she spreads them out over 1 week that's almost a whole day out of the week her poor kid will have spent writing notes that will probably then be put into the bin.

It's not meaningful if forced and it would make me really sad if I knew that's how long the child had spent writing them when a text, video call or verbal thank you is a valid alternative.

shouldistop · 14/10/2021 20:21

After ds1 5th birthday he made about 24 thank you cards. He decorated the cards, wrote the recipients name and his name but not the message (in Scotland so hadn't started school yet). We did about 3-4 every day for a week. He enjoyed it, I think he thinks people won't give him presents if he doesn't do them and he's highly motivated by presents!

Jangle33 · 14/10/2021 20:22

Letters are great and I insist on them.

However 5 is too young. Suggest you write and he writes his name as a compromise

EatYourVegetables · 14/10/2021 20:28

Yeah OP, you write the 20 cards, then you make you DC sign them! It’s women’s work!! Specially for DH’s family!!

(I’m being sarcastic.)

We send Whatsapp messages / pictures. That feels natural. A few (old fashioned and all of them DH’s side) relatives tut and hint that I should send thank you cards or make DC write them. I sometimes do. Mostly I just rage inwardly at the explicit sexism and the assumption that all the emotional labour and mental workload is women’s job.

UnsolicitedDickPic · 14/10/2021 20:30

@DinosApple

Write thank you on a chalk board, take a cute photo of him holding it and either print and post it or email it. Much easier for him and you, and they'll all love the picture.
I think this sounds lovely. I sent thank you cards to DD's paternal family once and they looked at me like I had two heads.
MoreThanAnOffDay · 14/10/2021 20:30

I sent a thank you message with a pic of dc either playing with item /wearing item etc
I simply don't have time to write all that out or to wait for dcs to. Let alone the cost of stamps x20!

UnsolicitedDickPic · 14/10/2021 20:31

@Muttly

something very lacking in most of his peers I've meet so far

GrinGrin

Haha yes, I noticed that! Grin
EarringsandLipstick · 14/10/2021 20:31

and with good manners in general, something very lacking in most of his peers I've meet so far)
How judgemental. 😡

I write thank you cards. And I get my DC to do so too. But not 20 cards after every birthday & Christmas, and not at 5! (None of mine would have been able to write a proper thank you at 5 anyway. Maybe one line & their name but it would have taken ages)

Does he really get 20 birthday & Christmas presents? 😳

So mine write cards when it's someone outside the norm, not family & for big occasions like their First Communion.

thinkbiglittleone · 14/10/2021 20:34

We do this with our DS, he just signs his name. The recipients love it and its great manners to say thank you.

BogRollBOGOF · 14/10/2021 20:35

A text/ phonecall is plenty.
My DCs found writing their names hard enough at 5.
DS1 has dyslexia, dyspraxia and hypermobility. Writing is painful because it's hard to regulate the pressure and fine movements. These issues weren't diagnosed until 8.

DillyDilly · 14/10/2021 20:36

20 gifts from relatives!!!! Just make sure your DS says thank you in person when he receives the gift/next time he sees them. Also send a text from yourself saying thanks from xxx for the lovely gift, very kind/generous/of you.

Making a 5 yo write out thank you cards is nonsense.

Kb2942 · 14/10/2021 20:37

I wouldn't make him do so much. Not against the cards of course but much easier ways to do it - maybe you write the message and he writes his name and draws a photo! He's 5, he's never going to write loads of cards in a row! Or do some each day! Idk!

Dd couldn't write much other than her name at 5. So I would write the message and her her name. Also she used her stamps to stamp each card for her own personal touch 😅 much less effort!

PinkWaferBiscuit · 14/10/2021 20:37

@thinkbiglittleone

We do this with our DS, he just signs his name. The recipients love it and its great manners to say thank you.
Just out of curiosity do you and the others on this thread who have said thank you notes are good manner also write thank you cards too?

Or is a verbal thank you an acceptable way for an adult to acknowledge a gift, if so why isn't it also good manners for a child to verbally thank the gift giver?

elbea · 14/10/2021 20:43

We still write thank you cards for everything, I’d just get a five year old to just write their name. Apparently I am the only one, but we would consider it very poor manners not just send a text. I know our families, especially older family members, would be very upset. Before our daughter could draw we would send a handprint in the card, now she does a little drawing.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 14/10/2021 20:43

@PinkWaferBiscuit

I still write a thank you card to my parents 😂

DappledThings · 14/10/2021 20:44

Just out of curiosity do you and the others on this thread who have said thank you notes are good manner also write thank you cards too?

Or is a verbal thank you an acceptable way for an adult to acknowledge a gift, if so why isn't it also good manners for a child to verbally thank the gift giver?
I hate presents and have managed to establish this with everyone now so I don't get any but yes, when people did previously send me birthday presents I wrote thank you cards. Same as we did for all new baby presents we received.

NoKnit · 14/10/2021 20:46

Thank you cards might have been more normal and accepted back then.

However back then I'm pretty certain no 5 year old got 20 gifts. Honestly that is way too much, makes me feel queasy

EarringsandLipstick · 14/10/2021 20:47

@DappledThings

Just out of curiosity do you and the others on this thread who have said thank you notes are good manner also write thank you cards too?

Or is a verbal thank you an acceptable way for an adult to acknowledge a gift, if so why isn't it also good manners for a child to verbally thank the gift giver?
I hate presents and have managed to establish this with everyone now so I don't get any but yes, when people did previously send me birthday presents I wrote thank you cards. Same as we did for all new baby presents we received.

Yes, I often write thank you cards. For all sorts of things. Someone has helped me in work, a nice meal, a thoughtful gift...
PinkWaferBiscuit · 14/10/2021 20:48

Same as we did for all new baby presents we received.

Nee baby gifts are a little different though as you normally send a generic thank you card you've had printed. I think the fact you don't get gifts skews it a bit if you got 20 gifts you'd probably have given up decades ago.

I still write a thank you card to my parents 😂

That's truly bizarre. Grin Do you not just say thank you when you open the gift after they have given it you?

Bunnycat101 · 14/10/2021 20:49

I make my 5yo. It’s good writing practice and doesn’t take that long if you split them into chunks for 3/4. But she likes writing and enjoys writing cards for fun. I wouldn’t do it with a child who hated it- it’s not really worth it. A video or just signing a name are equally as good.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 14/10/2021 20:53

Another way to look at it is if you send your friends child a gift do you really want a card back? I actually don’t, a thank you- yes, a pic of them loving the present- fab; a card I’m going to put straight in the bin: no.

DillyDilly · 14/10/2021 20:54

We sent hand-written Thank You cards for all engagement and wedding presents received, same with gifts after our children were born.

Christmas and birthday gifts - thank in person and follow up with a text. Children sent their own texts when they got their phones at age 12/13.

So it’s Good Manners the modern way.

flowerycurtain · 14/10/2021 20:55

Fascinating to read these replies.

My 8&7 year olds do thank you cards for all gifts. At toddler age it was me writing and a scribble. At 5 it was "Dear x, thank you for x, love y." Now they do a thank you, something they like about the gift and one thing nice to the person like "hope you had a nice Christmas" or "I loved having you at my party".

All the kids at their school do them. I'd consider it quite odd if they went to a party with a gift and there was no thank you. The teachers write thank you notes for their Christmas and end of year gift.

I write thank you cards for big gifts. Weddings, baby, big birthday. Not for normal
Birthday but then it's only Dh and my parents that would buy for that.

I

DillyDilly · 14/10/2021 20:56

I’d hate to be receiving Thank You cards for birthday and Christmas gifts we give - I’d consider it a complete waste of money and unkind to the environment as the card and envelope would just go straight into the bin.

Swipe left for the next trending thread