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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting 5 year old to write lots of thank you cards... WWYD? AIBU?

242 replies

cloudlessbluesky · 14/10/2021 19:47

I was brought up to write thank you cards whenever I got presents from relatives or friends of my parents. It was just the done thing in our house. I still write them after my birthday and Christmas, or any other time someone buys me a present.
I'm trying to bring up my son to do the same (and with good manners in general, something very lacking in most of his peers I've meet so far).
Trouble is, how on earth can I keep him motivated in writing about 20 (on average!) thank you cards to relatives? Writing out pretty much the same thing in each? I try to do it over a couple of weeks so he's not doing too many at once (very limited attention span). I just find it so draining, started them last night and it took almost an hour to get him to write "Dear X.. thank you very much for my present. Love from X".
Aaarrgh!
Any other parents find this stressful?

OP posts:
DontWiltMySpinachPlease · 14/10/2021 20:59

You don't, because it's fucking ridiculous.

HundredMilesAnHour · 14/10/2021 21:00

My mother used to make me write a "proper" letter, and start again/ do another copy if I made spelling mistakes or my writing wasn't neat enough

Same for me except it was always a 'notelet' (remember them?) rather than a letter. I wasn't allowed to leave the table until they were all done to my mother's satisfaction.

I particularly remember one I wrote to my great aunt: "Thank for the lovely bone china toast rack that you sent me for my birthday". I was 8. Confused

DontWiltMySpinachPlease · 14/10/2021 21:01

Sorry, I meant to put a smiley at the end of that, without it it looks really harsh!

Everyone who gets him a pressie probably gets thanked in person right? I'm sure that's enough ☺️

camelfinger · 14/10/2021 21:02

I used to feel guilty about never getting round to forcing/bribing my DC to write thank you cards. But then I just decided to think like DH who never even considered this.

luckylavender · 14/10/2021 21:06

I think saying thank you (and sometimes writing a short note) is an important life skill but 20 is too many for a 5 year old. You can type the letter and he can sign or send a photo and he can sign. When he's older he can write more, FaceTime, etc

Volhhg · 14/10/2021 21:06

I think making a 5yo do 20 thankyou cards is very harsh. Maybe just pick two relatives like GP's and text the rest.

SylvanasWindrunner · 14/10/2021 21:08

We send a video/photo of her playing with the toy and/or saying thank you via WhatsApp or whatever.

RoseMartha · 14/10/2021 21:09

When the dc were little , I write it and they signed their name and I got them to do a handprint or similar in the front. Sometimes sending a photograph of my dc to elderly relatives who don't use smart phones.

flowerycurtain · 14/10/2021 21:11

And I've just realised that we do ours on headed notelets with our address on. BlushBlush

MelKarnofskyCrane · 14/10/2021 21:11

I’d like to see greetings cards abolished.

Pointless, expensive.

3scape · 14/10/2021 21:12

Not one of peers.

Of course not dear. You're the only one maintaining any standard s. Do jog on.

Iwonder08 · 14/10/2021 21:36

Insane.. I have a relative who sends thank you cards on behalf of all her children since they were born until they can write.. Idiotic. Text or phone call will be perfectly sufficient. Don't mix it up with good manners, it is just your idea of some tradition..

Rosesareyellow · 14/10/2021 21:37

This is a joke, right? Every birthday and Christmas? Confused
Imagine everyone actually did this - your house would just be filled with thank you cards all year round.

user1745 · 14/10/2021 21:37

I'm all in favour of written thank you notes but I think 20 is too many for a 5 year old. I would just have him sign his name.

EarringsandLipstick · 14/10/2021 21:40

I'd consider it quite odd if they went to a party with a gift and there was no thank you.

Do you mean when your DC go to a party you expect to receive a thank you card for the gift they brought? Really? 😳

And all the kids you know do this?

Now that's mad. Surely they say thanks at drop off & mum/dad sends a general text saying thanks to all after the party?

PinkCricket · 14/10/2021 21:49

Ours isnt a posh area but yes generally at infants we all got thankyou cards and gave them! I dont think ive received them now in upper juniors so maybe its dying out as they get older!

Often people bought the matching thankyou note set to the invitation set!

PinkCricket · 14/10/2021 21:50

And no I wouldn't do a thanks to all . If we don't do notes (I dont think we have last couple of years) Id definitely text individually so they know we got their present and appreciated it!

DappledThings · 14/10/2021 22:02

I have a relative who sends thank you cards on behalf of all her children since they were born until they can write.. Idiotic.
I did that! DC2 is only just turning 4 at Christmas so I'll still be doing hers this year. Next year she'll be in school so can start adding her own name nd a Dear X

Muchtoomuchtodo · 14/10/2021 22:04

We still do thank you letters (dc are 15 and 13) but they’re done on the computer - quick to change name and gift etc.
Then they sign them individually.
It works and relatives seem to like them.

PinkCricket · 14/10/2021 22:04

We did that! A little thankyou and a photo. Went down well 🥰

Laitdenoix · 14/10/2021 22:07

My dd writes a personal hand written thank you note to every party guest, explaining why she loves the gift and that the giver is very kind, and a lovely friend. She loves doing it, I don't understand it as I can't be bothered with this sort of thing. I think hope it's quite sweet. It gets a positive reaction from the mums, so there is that.

NotFrozen · 14/10/2021 22:10

I really hate thank you cards- it’s always something than men avoid, but women do out of guilt and obligation. I’ve not heard of a dad sitting down with children and getting kids to do it. It’s always done or enforced by women.

2bazookas · 14/10/2021 22:10

20 is far too many for a five yr old.

Why not let him draw a picture, write a thankyou message beneath it and photocopy it X 20

HalloHello · 14/10/2021 22:21

One of my friends gets her kids to send me thank you voice notes on whatsapp which is absolutely precious, and very appreciated! I now only wrote cards to those that I don't see face to face or who I wouldn't normally WhatsApp/text/phone. My 2 are too little to write their own cards though but I like making lots of paintings or sticker pictures and sending those too. It's a big expectation for a 5 year old.

MayorGundersonsDogRufus · 14/10/2021 22:23

We do thank you videos.