Getting 5 year old to write lots of thank you cards... WWYD? AIBU?

[cloudlessbluesky]

I was brought up to write thank you cards whenever I got presents from relatives or friends of my parents. It was just the done thing in our house. I still write them after my birthday and Christmas, or any other time someone buys me a present.
I'm trying to bring up my son to do the same (and with good manners in general, something very lacking in most of his peers I've meet so far).
Trouble is, how on earth can I keep him motivated in writing about 20 (on average!) thank you cards to relatives? Writing out pretty much the same thing in each? I try to do it over a couple of weeks so he's not doing too many at once (very limited attention span). I just find it so draining, started them last night and it took almost an hour to get him to write "Dear X.. thank you very much for my present. Love from X".
Aaarrgh!
Any other parents find this stressful?

@Polkadots2021

It sounds very performance parenty.

I don’t really care about people thinking anything I do is “performance parenting”. That’s far more to do with their own insecurities than anything I’m doing. If you don’t want to write thank you cards, don’t. I want to so I do.

I don’t really care about people thinking anything I do is “performance parenting”. That’s far more to do with their own insecurities than anything I’m doing.
If you don’t want to write thank you cards, don’t. I want to so I do

But we're talking about a 5 year old who doesn't want to. So should they have to?

I make my four year old do loads of things they don’t want to.
Tidy up, brush their hair, brush their teeth

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

I make my four year old do loads of things they don’t want to. Tidy up, brush their hair, brush their teeth

You must know there is a huge difference between stuff they don't want to but need to do and stuff they don't want to and actually life won't end if they don't. Why create a situation where they are going to tantrum when actually just saying thank you is acceptable. Also out of curiosity do you write thank you cards?

I do write thank you cards.

Thank you cards are important to me just like all the other things listed.

They don’t tantrum about it.

Thank you cards are important to me just like all the other things listed.

Why are they important though and how are they more important than a verbal thank you? I still don't understand how writing thank you somehow trumps saying it to the giver in person, over the phone or in a video call?

Saying thank you is important, thank you cards are not.

@PinkWaferBiscuit

Thank you cards are important to me just like all the other things listed.

Why are they important though and how are they more important than a verbal thank you? I still don't understand how writing thank you somehow trumps saying it to the giver in person, over the phone or in a video call?

Saying thank you is important, thank you cards are not.

Is nothing important to you that might not be important to other people? Why do you care so much about how other families thank each other or what they place value on? Thank you cards are important to us. I think it shows that we really appreciate people thinking of our children and it’s something I want my children to grow up doing.

Couldn't they just say thank you?

Is nothing important to you that might not be important to other people?

Yes but that's not what you said, you said that thank you cards were important implying that it's the correct way to say thank you.

Why do you care so much about how other families thank each other or what they place value on?

Honestly because it's a complete waste of paper.

Thank you cards are important to us. I think it shows that we really appreciate people thinking of our children and it’s something I want my children to grow up doing.

You think that. Maybe the people receiving the cards would be happier with a verbal thank you.

• Is nothing important to you that might not be important to other people?

Yes but that's not what you said, you said that thank you cards were important implying that it's the correct way to say thank you.

Why do you care so much about how other families thank each other or what they place value on?

Honestly because it's a complete waste of paper.

Thank you cards are important to us. I think it shows that we really appreciate people thinking of our children and it’s something I want my children to grow up doing.

You think that. Maybe the people receiving the cards would be happier with a verbal thank you.*

I said they were important to me. I didn’t say a word about expectation on other families.

I don’t believe it is a waste of paper because it’s conveying a heartfelt message.

It’s perfectly possible they would prefer a verbal thank you. It’s also possible people who don’t receive them from you would prefer a written thank you. We make our own choices. If someone was horribly offended by them, I’d hope they would tell me so I could remember to not to send them one in future.

If it must be written, you write it, they sign it and maybe add kisses or a sticker.

A verbal thank you is enough for me, or a text or something. But my mum expects proper written letters every time.

20?!! That's crazy and borderline cruel IMO!!

My dd would write thank you cards to the grand parents and that's it.

You can send a nice WhatsApp message to everyone else.

I am exactly like you op and will be getting my son to write thank you cards when he is older! At 5 I would write the 'dear so and so, message' bit for him and just get him to write his name in each one. He can write the whole thing when he is older.

I don’t really care about people thinking anything I do is “performance parenting”. That’s far more to do with their own insecurities than anything I’m doing
Why does any reference to performance parenting inevitably lead to the claim that everyone else must be insecure and an inferior parent?

It's the same as people identifying it in cafes and are met replies about how insecure everyone must be if they're feeling threatened by a parent just talking to their child.

I agree with PP that a thank you is a thank you and gratitude isn't any better if written vs spoken. If anything a thank you card that has to be pushed out of a child and has become a control thing from parents who want to be perceived a certain way is unlikely to be the warm, heartfelt message they claim it is.

@LolaSmiles

I don’t really care about people thinking anything I do is “performance parenting”. That’s far more to do with their own insecurities than anything I’m doing Why does any reference to performance parenting inevitably lead to the claim that everyone else must be insecure and an inferior parent?

It's the same as people identifying it in cafes and are met replies about how insecure everyone must be if they're feeling threatened by a parent just talking to their child.

I agree with PP that a thank you is a thank you and gratitude isn't any better if written vs spoken. If anything a thank you card that has to be pushed out of a child and has become a control thing from parents who want to be perceived a certain way is unlikely to be the warm, heartfelt message they claim it is.

Good for you. I don’t ☺️

I'd prefer not to get any presents, than go through this torture. I also hate receiving thank you cards from people, it seems a very "look at me I'm so polite".

My kids draw a picture and we stick it to a card. They sign their name and I write a few lines in thanks for the gift.

20 is a lot though and I'd be really discouraging some of those folk from sending anything. Surely they aren't all close relatives?

I don’t believe it is a waste of paper because it’s conveying a heartfelt message.

Not really if it’s a parent standing over a child forcing them to do it to the extent that they’re upset.

I am exactly like you op and will be getting my son to write thank you cards when he is older! At 5 I would write the 'dear so and so, message' bit for him and just get him to write his name in each one. He can write the whole thing when he is older.

But would you actually do this yourself? Write 20 thank you cards in the unlikely event that you are sent 20 presents for your birthday?

I try to do it over a couple of weeks so he's not doing too many at once (very limited attention span). I just find it so draining

Also if it’s taking so long, the giver must wonder whether the gift has even been received. Far better a more instant text or phone call.

@CecilyP

I don’t believe it is a waste of paper because it’s conveying a heartfelt message.

Not really if it’s a parent standing over a child forcing them to do it to the extent that they’re upset.

Where have you got that from? Mine don’t get upset having to write their names. Has OP said her child is upset? I thought she just said it was hard work.

Slightly missing the point but does your child really get twenty presents from different people? Do you have a massive family?

Where have you got that from? Mine don’t get upset having to write their names.^

That’s fine if all they are doing is adding their name to a card you are writing anyway.

Has OP said her child is upset? I thought she just said it was hard work.

I assume that he’s none too happy if its taken an hour to do the first one and there’s 19 more to go. Another poster was saying her child was having tantrums about it but was being made to do it anyway.

I'm pushing 60 and I can still vividly remember the sheer hell and utter purgatory of my parents forcing me to write endless thank-you notes when I was a child. I used to absolutely dread it and it put me off writing letters for life.