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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting 5 year old to write lots of thank you cards... WWYD? AIBU?

242 replies

cloudlessbluesky · 14/10/2021 19:47

I was brought up to write thank you cards whenever I got presents from relatives or friends of my parents. It was just the done thing in our house. I still write them after my birthday and Christmas, or any other time someone buys me a present.
I'm trying to bring up my son to do the same (and with good manners in general, something very lacking in most of his peers I've meet so far).
Trouble is, how on earth can I keep him motivated in writing about 20 (on average!) thank you cards to relatives? Writing out pretty much the same thing in each? I try to do it over a couple of weeks so he's not doing too many at once (very limited attention span). I just find it so draining, started them last night and it took almost an hour to get him to write "Dear X.. thank you very much for my present. Love from X".
Aaarrgh!
Any other parents find this stressful?

OP posts:
UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 14/10/2021 20:03

ungrateful for and resentful of the nylon k* nickers that should say Grin writing all those excruciatingly polite letters obviously didn't teach me much! I might have been more grateful for the thought behind the unsuitable presents if I hadn't had the thank you letters looming over me as I opened them!

Embracelife · 14/10/2021 20:03

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

I don’t- times change, society has changed- recording a thank you WhatsApp message is easier more 2021 and a lot more instant. It still instills good manners and gratitude
Do this.
TumtumTree · 14/10/2021 20:04

I have three DC and I used to make them each write one or two sentences in each thank you card. Also we have a small family so it was a lot less than 20. They still moaned about it though!

Cofifeefee · 14/10/2021 20:04

Thank you cards are very formal, particularly for a 5 year old!

Presumably the cards are sent to your parents and siblings who have a close relationship with your son? Why can't your dc just call them/visit and say thanks.

Fluffypastelslippers · 14/10/2021 20:05

started them last night and it took almost an hour to get him to write "Dear X.. thank you very much for my present. Love from X".

Poor kid.

Whatinthelord · 14/10/2021 20:05

Whoever commented this…

“Good manners is saying thank you. Thank you letters from children are a matter of rather painful (and obsolete IMO) etiquette, and there is a significant difference between manners and etiquette.”

Nailed it. Absolutely correct.

purpleme12 · 14/10/2021 20:05

If there's so many he finds it hard just write it for him. And he can do a picture or even just his name
(And not all at once if he won't do that all at once)
I see where you're coming from cos I think it's a lovely idea but might be too much to ask of some children if there's lots of them to do so this seems like a good compromise

OnTheBenchOfDoom · 14/10/2021 20:05

If you can send videos somehow (whatsapp etc) video him with said present, he says thank you for this, you send it to them. If not a phone call but you tend to find with 5 year olds they don't talk much on calls, well at least mine didn't.

Writing out endless thank you letters is weird, why is a verbal thank you not enough?

livingthegoodlife · 14/10/2021 20:06

At that age I wrote the cards and my child just write their name.

Now they are older they write the whole thing.

I have a sil who never says thank you for the gifts I send her children and I hate it. I don't even know if the kids get the presents. I'd be happy with a text message. Anything. A card is the gold standard but any sort of thank you is the minimum.

SnackSizeRaisin · 14/10/2021 20:07

As long as you or he says thank you either verbally or in writing that's fine. Perhaps a letter for the grandparents or he could just draw a picture or sign his name at the end of a note that you write for him

girlmom21 · 14/10/2021 20:07

I agree with most of the others and think they're unnecessary but if you're adamant about it could he write one excluding names then you photocopy it and stick it in the card and just write the names in afterwards

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 14/10/2021 20:08

I write them and just get the kids to sign their names for now.
Mine are 3 and 4.
I usually get cards made with snap shots through the year of them and then a photo inside of the kids with the gift they got from each person.
It takes time but I really appreciate people thinking to get my children gifts, especially when most people haven’t seen them more than a handful of times because of covid etc. They tend to only get Christmas presents though.
We’re planning a birthday party for my daughter’s next birthday and I’ll probably just get photos of each kid who attends printed out and a thank you sticker stuck on the back and get my daughter to sign them if she gets gifts from her guests.

mamatoTails · 14/10/2021 20:08

Mine usually draw a picture for grandparents and close friends who live close by and write thank you alongside, and then for family or friends not nearby (we live abroad) they send a little video message from my phone or their iPad and we just send it over.
A thank you goes a long way, but sometimes it's not possible to write lots of cards / notes.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 14/10/2021 20:11

Five is still very very little to do all that writing. It’s really not developmentally appropriate (although obviously there are outliers). The nicest I’ve had are photo cards with a picture of the baby / child and a message on the back. But a text or WhatsApp message will easily suffice. Or even better, a hug and a thank you, and seeing the dc open the present in person.

ParadiseLaundry · 14/10/2021 20:11

I only get DS (5) to send thank you cards to the older relatives so maybe 4 cards. The others we just send a text thank you to or a thank you in person.

reluctantbrit · 14/10/2021 20:12

DD gives a verbal thank you if she opens a gift and the person who gave it is in the same room.

Otherwise a phone call, email, skype call, WhatsApp is enough.

namechangetheworld · 14/10/2021 20:14

I think it's a nice gesture and some of the comments making it sound like you're committing some form of child abuse are rather OTT. Sometimes children have to do things they don't want to.

My six year old writes thank you cards to older relatives for birthdays and Christmas because they seem to appreciate the gesture. It's only a couple of sentences and she enjoys writing anyway. Her younger sister will do the same once she's old enough. Younger relatives and friends get a bog standard Snapfish photo card of them blowing our their candles or something with a note on the back.

I think a thank you via WhatsApp sounds incredibly lazy, personally.

Muttly · 14/10/2021 20:14

something very lacking in most of his peers I've meet so far

GrinGrin

mumofmunchkin · 14/10/2021 20:14

I record a video of the kid yelling 'thank you for my...." and send that by whatssap. I only really do that for grandparents and sometimes aunts and uncles though. Otherwise I might drop a text to say thanks.

It's good to say thank you, but also fine to work with the technology we have now that wasn't available when we were kids.

Wallywobbles · 14/10/2021 20:15

I wrote in clear letters a one sentence thank you that they copied with the appropriate name and present.

I think it's an important lesson. Nothing for nothing.

Twixxed · 14/10/2021 20:16

I think that's too much for a 5 year old. If get him to sign them, maybe draw a picture in some if he wants to. It's lovely that you want to send them though.

Idontlike · 14/10/2021 20:16

At that age I would just expect to write a short thank you and get DS to add

‘From little like x’

OneToThree · 14/10/2021 20:16

Write one with a little picture then photocopy them for everyone.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 14/10/2021 20:17

I get mine to make a card, I write it and they sign their name

Phalarope · 14/10/2021 20:18

If you opened the present with the giver there, and thanked them face to face, then no need for a letter. That cuts the numbers a bit.

At 5, we got them to do some painting/drawing and I wrote the thank you. Occasionally they signed their name but it’s a lot of writing when they’re so small. They liked sticking stamps on envelopes.

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