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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

5yr old dropped baby

333 replies

MrsMummyMouse · 14/10/2021 16:27

Not really an AIBU but I am fuming and need help/calming down before I act (again)….but feel free to tell me if you think IABU if you so wish.

I was washing up in the kitchen while DD2 (3months) in her swing & DD1 (5) in the front room right opposite. I hear DD1 a couple of times say “and back down”, assuming she means the swing I pop my head back expecting to see them ‘playing’ as usual except I see DD2 slightly lifted by DD1 arms which she quickly removes sending DD2 flying back down in her swing. This is obviously what she was doing with the “and down again”, lifting her up and dropping her down!! I was so shocked/mad I screamed at DD1 and pulled her away to the stairs and told her I didn’t want to see her and she should go to her room. DD2 seems ok but god knows how many times she was dropped back Sad. DD2 is our long tried for/awaited rainbow baby so maybe I was too much and overreacted? I’m not sure though so need to know how I deal with DD1 now?

OP posts:
JumperandJacket · 14/10/2021 17:51

OP, I really recommend Philippa Perry’s book “The book you wish your parents had read…”. It’s great on how the way we were parented can affect how we parent our children and what to do to break bad cycles. Also on what to do when you screw up, as we all do.

saltontoast · 14/10/2021 17:51

She didn't mean to do it, I can understand the initial over reaction due to the panic but please, she is a child.

Also, a long awaited rainbow baby shouldn't be treated any different than your DD1 and I'm saying this as someone who has had to have ivf, various losses and a rainbow baby, that I would of reacted no different had the same thing happened to either of my kids, rainbow baby or not.

Sorry.

Glad DD2 is okay though

LavenderYellow · 14/10/2021 17:51

@MrsMummyMouse

Last post from me now - thank you for the additional resources posted, I’ll be looking into those.

I did apologise and make it up to DD1

Best wishes @MrsMummyMouse
Bizawit · 14/10/2021 17:52

@MrsMummyMouse

Last post from me now - thank you for the additional resources posted, I’ll be looking into those.

I did apologise and make it up to DD1

Well done OP. Wish you the best x
Stella212 · 14/10/2021 17:53

I am gobsmacked at the vitriol on this thread. When I read the OP's post I agreed that she had overreacted. However, I could also understand her panic in the moment. The fact she has posted about the incident shows self awareness and a willingness to learn from her mistakes.

However, the way some of you are going off on her is appalling. Some of you are posting without having even reading all the replies! New posters are just repeating the same things that have already been said by others!

This is not an extreme event. I am sure OP will apologise to DD1 and it won't happen again.

You all need to calm down and stop being so self righteous. You are doing far more harm than good in this situation.

Mymapuddlington · 14/10/2021 17:54

Everyone has said what needs saying and the fact you have accepted it and will help yourself is amazing.

I’ve lost it with my son before. I’m sure most people have. Give dd1 a cuddle, apologise. Say you freaked out as babies are fragile but you are in the wrong and shouldn’t have reacted that way.
Teaching her that adults get things wrong and have to own up and apologise for their actions isn’t a bad thing.

Also get a play pen for baby. If dd1 wants to be involved teach her and supervise her on how to interact with baby. Ask her advice ‘should baby wear this or that do you think’ so she feels involved and not left out.

I had an abusive parent. It’s so easy to be scared to think everything you get wrong means you’re like them. You’re not. Don’t hit, don’t belittle or be cruel and don’t shout or scream in anger. Sometimes I tell my son I need 5 minutes so I’m going to go my room, or I’m going toilet and don’t want to be disturbed. Just to take some deep breaths and collect myself.

CherryBlossomWinter · 14/10/2021 17:54

Playpen!

Separate this out.

  1. You overreacted to DD. You’ve admitted that. (Can posters read that she’s admitted she overreacted) - so just make sure you are continuing to be responsible for your own parenting - DD is never a parent and cannot be expected to think like one.

  2. is your baby okay? Any harm done? Check her out if necessary, if no harm that’s good.

  3. you now need to change in order to not leave your baby alone while you wash up etc. It’s your job as a parent. You cannot expect DD to be able to know what is going to harm a baby, she wont’, and she can’t.

  4. sort it out so you always supervise your baby. If the baby naps in the day, upstairs with a baby monitor in a cot. If downstairs when DD is, then always supervise within ‘eye contact’. Double check all your assumptions about that during the day.

FortniteBoysMum · 14/10/2021 17:55

You need to talk to dd1 about this calmly. Point out she must not lift her sister without adult supervision as babies heads are very fragile. Tell her she can play with her sister whilst she's in the chair. I get that you were in shock and not knowing how many times this has happened is scary because of things like shaken baby syndrome however your dd1 would need to be VERY rough to likely cause harm. Apologise but also talk to her about what she can do with the baby, the things she cannot do(feed baby) and the things she should ask to do. I say no to feeding should be mentioned now as you do not want to find out the hard way like I did when ds2 at 9 months was choking on ds1's sweet.

WTF475878237NC · 14/10/2021 17:58

I'm not sure if you're still reading this now but take your baby to be checked out if she presents with any signs of a brain injury. Shaken baby syndrome is not unlike being dropped in the way you describe and their brains hitting their skulls can cause damage. Just because a baby doesn't cry doesn't mean all is OK every time.

LivingNextDoorToNorma · 14/10/2021 17:58

@MrsMummyMouse

Last post from me now - thank you for the additional resources posted, I’ll be looking into those.

I did apologise and make it up to DD1

Well done @MrsMummyMouse. You just need to forgive yourself now. We have all done things that we’re ashamed of at one time or another. You recognised your mistake and corrected it as soon as you could. The fact that you wanted to be ‘better’ proves that you’re a good parent. You’ve apologised to your daughter, you’ll have done no lasting damage. It was a one of off event. Take care of yourself.
FictionalCharacter · 14/10/2021 18:00

It’s good that you’ve acknowledged that you did overreact. I hope you’re not too hurt by some of the more vicious replies here.

One thing you can do for yourself in the future is not exaggerate - “5 yr old dropped baby” is not what happened, she wasn’t dropped!

Flufferty · 14/10/2021 18:01

It’s your fault for leaving them unsupervised. Take some responsibility

diamondpony80 · 14/10/2021 18:03

The poor child! You can’t expect a 5 year old to look after a baby. That’s YOUR job.

Innocenta · 14/10/2021 18:04

The reason people are 'piling on' OP is because she still hasn't actually shown any empathy towards her very young, very vulnerable daughter. Many of us can easily empathise with this child. I guarantee she is well aware of being second best to the rainbow one.

It's not, in fact, 'abusive' to criticise someone on the internet in the course of a single thread. People who are claiming that posters on this thread are abusing OP have no idea what the word 'abuse' means.

FictionalCharacter · 14/10/2021 18:04

To the pp suggesting taking the baby to hospital or the doctor, don’t be daft. She was slightly lifted and dropped down onto a soft swing and there’s no sign of injury (op would have said so).

Nomorepies · 14/10/2021 18:06

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

HappyMeal564 · 14/10/2021 18:08

Don't leave them together unsupervised. Kids do stuff like this

tolerable · 14/10/2021 18:09

thought this was a support forum.not a witch hunt.

Toottooot · 14/10/2021 18:09

@Nomorepies

You are awful! What a horrid way to behave! Is she yours? The way you speak so differently about them. Haven't RTFT.

Perhaps you shouldn't leave your 5yo with a 3 mo alone. Perhaps you should learn some perspective and not scream at a small child for doing literally nothing!

Perhaps you should have read it all before piling on.
Prokupatuscrakedatus · 14/10/2021 18:10

Your behaviour was totally out of order.

toolazytothinkofausername · 14/10/2021 18:10

@MrsMummyMouse

Last post from me now - thank you for the additional resources posted, I’ll be looking into those.

I did apologise and make it up to DD1

Please look into a parenting course. There is usually a creche, and the other parents there are in the same boat you are.
Neonplant · 14/10/2021 18:10

You've got to be fucking joking? She's 5 ffs. You should have been watching your children if you don't want your older child to touch your younger one. You can't expect a 5 year old to know she should not touch her sibling.

Wow. This is fucked up. Your poor dd1. This is awful and I've never said this before to a mum.

toolazytothinkofausername · 14/10/2021 18:11

@Prokupatuscrakedatus

Your behaviour was totally out of order.
Prokupatuscrakedatus Don't comment without reading the entire thread! OP has already admitted she was wrong, so your comment is not helping.
Tal45 · 14/10/2021 18:11

You freaked out because you were worried your baby might have been injured, really I don't think you're some monster and that your 5 year old will be traumatised for life or feel second best to the younger one. You've apologised and explained why you behaved the way you did to your dd, it's really not the huge ordeal some people are making it out to be.

JumperandJacket · 14/10/2021 18:13

@Neonplant

You've got to be fucking joking? She's 5 ffs. You should have been watching your children if you don't want your older child to touch your younger one. You can't expect a 5 year old to know she should not touch her sibling.

Wow. This is fucked up. Your poor dd1. This is awful and I've never said this before to a mum.

Another one who hasn’t RTFT. If you’re going to say this sort of thing, at least have the decency to read the thread first.
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