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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

5yr old dropped baby

333 replies

MrsMummyMouse · 14/10/2021 16:27

Not really an AIBU but I am fuming and need help/calming down before I act (again)….but feel free to tell me if you think IABU if you so wish.

I was washing up in the kitchen while DD2 (3months) in her swing & DD1 (5) in the front room right opposite. I hear DD1 a couple of times say “and back down”, assuming she means the swing I pop my head back expecting to see them ‘playing’ as usual except I see DD2 slightly lifted by DD1 arms which she quickly removes sending DD2 flying back down in her swing. This is obviously what she was doing with the “and down again”, lifting her up and dropping her down!! I was so shocked/mad I screamed at DD1 and pulled her away to the stairs and told her I didn’t want to see her and she should go to her room. DD2 seems ok but god knows how many times she was dropped back Sad. DD2 is our long tried for/awaited rainbow baby so maybe I was too much and overreacted? I’m not sure though so need to know how I deal with DD1 now?

OP posts:
DandyHighwayWoman · 14/10/2021 18:15

You need to get a bl**dy grip OP.
You’re the one responsible so anything that happens is down to you, not your poor 5 year old. Shame on you for treating your firstborn this way.

Furrydogmum · 14/10/2021 18:16

Don't make your rainbow baby more important than your older child. Dd1 hasn't done anything wrong and you need to keep one or both of them in sight and certainly not left together when you aren't in the room.

Fucket · 14/10/2021 18:16

Op it’s hard, but hopefully you’ll take steps now to resolve things. Being aware of a problem and taken steps to fix it is half the battle won already.

Nobody’s perfect.

I found a sling really useful for keeping baby safe whilst doing chores, or having a bouncer chair on hand in key rooms where I could put baby safely whilst I worked.

Echobelly · 14/10/2021 18:17

Exactly @Tal45 - OP has done what she needed to do no harm is done, oy vey!

Furrydogmum · 14/10/2021 18:17

Just read your updates, glad you've calmed down. Give them both a cuddle and move on Smile

ThinWomansBrain · 14/10/2021 18:18

What do you do? You pop baby somewhere safe and go straight upstairs to give your 5yr old a massive hug

Or pop baby somewhere safe, spend twenty minutes faffing around on the internet then go upstairs to give your 5yr old a massive hug.
I feel so sorry your the 5 year old having a life of being second best to the longed for special "rainbow" baby.

Your first instinct was to start posting on MN and ignore both children? Hmm

Pancakeorcrepe · 14/10/2021 18:22

“It’s not just that OP screamed at her DD, it’s that she told her she didn’t want to see her , and that she seemed to have no concept that any of this was wrong until other people told her??! Her original post laid all the blame on DD and asked how she should deal with her?? This wasn’t just a case of shouting in the heat of the moment out of stress , it was a more disturbing lack of insight into how horribly she had treated her five year old.”

This! I know you’re apparently going to fix it but the fact you seemed completely oblivious to what you did, before posting, makes me sad for your five year old…

Pancakeorcrepe · 14/10/2021 18:24

I read your post again and it really is awful…all about how you are fuming and that you need calming down before you ACT again… sorry but you sound threatening and horrible to your little daughter.

oakleaffy · 14/10/2021 18:27

Poor 5 yr old.
Highly unlikely a baby would be remotely hurt.

YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!!
Don’t take it out on an innocent 5 yr old.

If you want to make her dislike her sibling, you are going about it the right way.
Poor kid.

SpeckledlyHen · 14/10/2021 18:28

@CoalCraft

A 3 month old should not be left unattended with a 5 year old. This is your fuck up, OP, not your older child's, and then you fucked up again by massively overreacting and probably upsetting and scaring her.

We all screw up, though. Check your youngest over, then go and apologise to your oldest. Moving forward, don't leave the two together unsupervised until they're older.

Yip.. dreadful behaviour from the OP. Also, the comment "DD2 is our long tried for/awaited rainbow baby" - was the first child not as important? Sad
oakleaffy · 14/10/2021 18:29

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eekbumbler · 14/10/2021 18:30

What have I just read?

If you're that bothered then constantly supervise baby. Your poor 5 year old.

Inastatus · 14/10/2021 18:36

@tolerable

thought this was a support forum.not a witch hunt.
@tolerable - you clearly have never been on AIBU before!
JumperandJacket · 14/10/2021 18:37

What have I just read?

I’m guessing the first post and nothing else.

skybluee · 14/10/2021 18:39

Some of these replies are horrible and the saddest things is they're not intended to help, provide support or try to change the situation - they're simply to kick someone when they're down and stick the boot in. As another poster astutely picked up on, that says more about the posters than anything else and how they treat other people. It reminds me a bit of those families that pretend everything is perfect on the outside and 'give their children everything' but underneath it all their children aren't truly listened to and are desperately unhappy.

I think the OP has also received some good advice in this thread and she has apologised to her daughter, wants to read the books recommended and is going to discuss it with a professional. What more do people want? Honestly if you read the thread through from start to finish there's a lot of piling on. Do people really think that's how people learn/grow/handle situations better?

BananaPB · 14/10/2021 18:40

Read OP's updates if you haven't already,

myheartskippedabeat · 14/10/2021 18:41

@cliffdiver

I’m not sure though so need to know how I deal with DD1 now?

You need to apologise and give her a cuddle.

Exactly your poor kids
mummyh2016 · 14/10/2021 18:44

@skybluee

Some of these replies are horrible and the saddest things is they're not intended to help, provide support or try to change the situation - they're simply to kick someone when they're down and stick the boot in. As another poster astutely picked up on, that says more about the posters than anything else and how they treat other people. It reminds me a bit of those families that pretend everything is perfect on the outside and 'give their children everything' but underneath it all their children aren't truly listened to and are desperately unhappy.

I think the OP has also received some good advice in this thread and she has apologised to her daughter, wants to read the books recommended and is going to discuss it with a professional. What more do people want? Honestly if you read the thread through from start to finish there's a lot of piling on. Do people really think that's how people learn/grow/handle situations better?

This. I despair at some of the people on here at times.
mummyh2016 · 14/10/2021 18:45

@oakleaffy

You are entirely to blame. I’m really worried about the welfare of your 5 year old to have been treated so cruelly by you, the adult.
RTFT, I don't get why it's so hard. Or at least read the OPs posts Hmm
HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 14/10/2021 18:47

DD2 is our long tried for/awaited rainbow baby so maybe I was too much and overreacted? I’m not sure though so need to know how I deal with DD1 now?

So what is your DD1 an overthought now you have another child?

I’m sorry but you told your 5 year old child you didn’t want to see her because she was playing with her sister while you left them unsupervised.

I’m sorry you’ve lost a child however you don’t take your hurt out on an innocent child, you’ll cause sibling resentment and feelings of favouritism.

SeasonFinale · 14/10/2021 18:48

"slightly lifted" baby wasn't crying - overreaction.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 14/10/2021 18:49

Sorry I posted too soon, go and cuddle you’re 5 year old child, apologise and then talk about how she can safely play with her sister.

Saoirse82 · 14/10/2021 18:49

I think the fact that the OP came back to this thread even when she was being piled on, acknowledged that she was wrong and took recommendations from other helpful posters shows that she's a good mum and had a panic because she was frightened. None of us are perfect parents so I think we need to lay off now as some of these comments really are too much.

chocolatethunder · 14/10/2021 18:50

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FrankGrillosWrist · 14/10/2021 18:50

OP, don’t come on here for advice as the sheeple are out in force most of the time. This place is OK for a bit of light entertainment, but don’t ever trust them with the more serious stuff. You did right to distance yourself from the 5 year old at the time, don’t feel bad.