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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

5yr old dropped baby

333 replies

MrsMummyMouse · 14/10/2021 16:27

Not really an AIBU but I am fuming and need help/calming down before I act (again)….but feel free to tell me if you think IABU if you so wish.

I was washing up in the kitchen while DD2 (3months) in her swing & DD1 (5) in the front room right opposite. I hear DD1 a couple of times say “and back down”, assuming she means the swing I pop my head back expecting to see them ‘playing’ as usual except I see DD2 slightly lifted by DD1 arms which she quickly removes sending DD2 flying back down in her swing. This is obviously what she was doing with the “and down again”, lifting her up and dropping her down!! I was so shocked/mad I screamed at DD1 and pulled her away to the stairs and told her I didn’t want to see her and she should go to her room. DD2 seems ok but god knows how many times she was dropped back Sad. DD2 is our long tried for/awaited rainbow baby so maybe I was too much and overreacted? I’m not sure though so need to know how I deal with DD1 now?

OP posts:
HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 14/10/2021 18:51

Shit, I’m now panicking that I might be just like him. How do I do better and get it to come naturally??

Your not because if you were like him you wouldn’t be asking that question Flowers

Griselda1 · 14/10/2021 18:52

Scary but you just can't leave children of that age together. You need to have a talk with your older child

mummyh2016 · 14/10/2021 18:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Quotes a deleted post.

Sofiegiraffe · 14/10/2021 18:53

A 3 month old should not be left unattended with a 5 year old.

This!

whyamidoingthisamimad · 14/10/2021 18:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Quotes a deleted post

ArranMumma · 14/10/2021 18:54

@CoalCraft

A 3 month old should not be left unattended with a 5 year old. This is your fuck up, OP, not your older child's, and then you fucked up again by massively overreacting and probably upsetting and scaring her.

We all screw up, though. Check your youngest over, then go and apologise to your oldest. Moving forward, don't leave the two together unsupervised until they're older.

Absolutely this. It’s lucky your baby didn’t get hurt :(
WhenISnappedAndFarted · 14/10/2021 18:57

@MistyFrequencies

There's an uncomfortable undertone to this that sounds like your 3 month old is more important/cherished than your 5 year old. I feel quite sad for your 5 year old.
That's how it came across to me too and that made me feel really sad for your 5 year old.
1forAll74 · 14/10/2021 18:58

You should have kerbed your shock a bit, and checked that all was well in the room, with both children, and not fly off and punish the older child, she just needs to be reminded, to be more careful with the baby that's all,

victoriaspongecake · 14/10/2021 18:59

Dear me what a lot of horrible people on here. Congratulations to you all for being such perfect parents!
How many of us wouldn’t have been shocked and shouted at the five year old if you thought the baby was being hurt?
OP I’m sure the the baby the 5 year old and yourself will all be ok. Children suffer far far worse than being shouted at. And she won’t do it again will she?
Ignore all the perfect parents on here for in real life they don’t exist.

vickyp0llard · 14/10/2021 19:01

I really don't believe all the "I would NEVER shout at my child" brigade. Go down your local high street or supermarket and that definitely isn't true!

WaterAndRichTea · 14/10/2021 19:01

Iv never wished anyone was a troll as much as i do you!!!

Christ

Duchess379 · 14/10/2021 19:03

This post smacks of 'baby was longed for & is loved more than the 5yr old'. I was expecting you to say DH wasn't supervising correctly, but its apparent that YOU weren't supervising at all. I hope this incident doesn't mentally scar your 5yr old.

Derbee · 14/10/2021 19:03

@vickyp0llard so you judge the level of acceptable parenting from the yobs you see on the high street shouting at their children? How awful.

@victoriaspongecake how many of us would have shouted at a 5 year old for playing with her baby sister? Seems, thank goodness, those that would are in the minority

Sofiegiraffe · 14/10/2021 19:05

Ignore all the perfect parents on here for in real life they don’t exist.

There is a world of difference between claiming to be "perfect" and understanding that a 5 year old and a 3 month old shouldn't be left alone unsupervised.

vickyp0llard · 14/10/2021 19:06

[quote Derbee]@vickyp0llard so you judge the level of acceptable parenting from the yobs you see on the high street shouting at their children? How awful.

@victoriaspongecake how many of us would have shouted at a 5 year old for playing with her baby sister? Seems, thank goodness, those that would are in the minority[/quote]
It's not yobs, you see absolutely normal every day people doing it, mostly middle class where I live. People get to the end of their tether, they get sleep deprived (especially with a newborn), panic and lose their temper - doesn't make them evil...

RosieLemonade · 14/10/2021 19:12

@SylvanasWindrunner

Please don't let the fact this baby is long awaited or a rainbow baby affect how you treat your first child Sad
This is what stuck out to me too 😔
MillieMumsnet · 14/10/2021 19:13

Thanks for the reports on this thread.

Discussions like this often get heated but we'd like to remind you that Mumsnet is here to make parents' lives easier. While we encourage healthy and robust discussion, we hope that everyone can respect each other in their choices and express their views without resorting to personal attacks. We're sure you'd all agree that parents-to-be and new parents need all the support they can get. After all, parenting is hard enough without facing judgement and criticism for those choices.
Peace and love Flowers

QueenofKattegat · 14/10/2021 19:15

This thread is like group hysteria in action.

MobyDicksTinyCanoe · 14/10/2021 19:16

Duchess what absolute rubbish. If that was the case she wouldn't let her out of her sight, what exactly do you get from saying that sort of thing from a mother who's grieving and struggling with adjusting to having two dc?

The op was in the wrong, they shouldn't have been left alone. And she shouldn't have shouted.

But we all make mistakes, we all live and learn. The op knows now and knows to change things to prevent mistakes happening in the future. Weird little comments from odd little women like you just aren't needed.

mummyh2016 · 14/10/2021 19:30

If ever there has been a thread that needs to be locked (not deleted but for no other comments allowed) I can't imagine another thread more suited.

Fraine · 14/10/2021 19:34

@sleeponeday

I don't think you're anything but a loving parent, who was frightened to realise her 3 month old might have been harmed, and feels awful about instinctive anger that's beyond the fair to your other little girl. You're human, and apologising to your little girl now, and saying you know you weren't fair, you just love them both so much that the thought of anything bad happening to either is frightening, but that you overreacted and you are so very sorry, is fine. All parents over react sometimes. It's a chance to teach your eldest that when we do behave badly, on rare occasions, we acknowledge it, apologise, and do better, and the sky doesn't fall in.

I'm more worried about some of the posters on here. With cruel streaks that pronounced, who knows how they speak to their children, and with the apparently off the charts levels of self deception necessary to enjoy behaving as they have done here to you while blithely pretending to themselves that they're just thinking of the child...! they can justify pretty much anything they choose to do, on the grounds that it's good for the victim/someone else. Wince-inducing, and please ignore the Dementors.

You're a good mum who had a bad moment, solely from horror at an unexpected, immediate risk to your very small baby. That's a human instinct, and you can sort it with your little girl. Extra cuddles, and clarity on you being the one in the wrong, and it will be fine.

💯 agreed

Kicking OP when she’s down is cruel.

nocluewhattowritehere · 14/10/2021 19:36

How come people are saying they shouldn't have been left unsupervised? I've lost count on how many times I'll have one baby in her swing chair or playmat and another sitting on the sofa whilst I go for a quick shower or wash the dishes. Are parents meant to stay in the room with both kids for every second until they both magically fall asleep at the same time or something?
Am I missing something here...?

Lime37 · 14/10/2021 19:38

Oh poor dd1 she’s 5 and should never be left alone with a baby.

HerRoyalWitchyness · 14/10/2021 19:39

Am I missing something here...?

Yes you are. Its not hard to bring the baby with you so that they're not left alone with a young child where anything could happen. Sit them in the bouncer in the bathroom or kitchen or wherever you are.

Somethingsnappy · 14/10/2021 19:40

If you're still reading the replies OP, don't be too hard on yourself. You panicked when you saw what was happening, that it might have hurt the baby and that you weren't sure how bad it may have been before you came in. Sudden panic like that is an awful feeling and makes most of us behave totally differently to normal. It's good that you've now apologised to your daughter. I've overreacted before when something has made me panic. I just make sure I explain to my children (if they are involved) how scared I was and how that can make people feel/behave. Our kids learn we are human and make mistakes. Go easy on yourself now. We learn from our mistakes x

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