Is it me or is DH? Or a bit of both.

[Perspectiveneeded44]

Hi all,

Right have changed my username.

Have just left DS downstairs with DH as I needed to get out of the room.

I feel like I’m loosing my mind here so need some perspective.

Before I start with DS DH is good with him but has never ever had him for more than a couple of hours at a time and never on his own. This used to be because of BF but now at 4 months DS is mostly bottle fed but still I have him all the time.

I know I’m not perfect in any of this as I don’t like to let things go but am learning to walk away instead of arguing. I hate the thought of arguing in front of DS.

My DH works full time, two days a fortnight he works a 12 hour day 7-3 the rest of the time. He had 5 days off a fortnight and quite a bit of annual leave.

This argument has blown up because I went to DH at 7:45 this morning handed DS over and asked him to have him for an hour and half so I could get some sleep. He did but begrudgingly. I had been up since 3:30 as DS stirred and cried but only fully woke at 5:50. I got up with him after a long feed at 6:50.

I do all night feeds all wake ups and DH is in spare room ( originally my choice as DH can’t cope without sleep) so doesn’t have unbroken sleep like me.

When I came downstairs DH has been a bit off with me and basically feels like I don’t do enough. This is the same argument we always have. I do the majority of the cooking and the cleaning. DH will do a clean every so often but not consistently.

The house is in a bit of a mess today as I didn’t clean it last night.


He says other woman manage to look after their babies and tidy and what exactly do I do all day. Apparently other people have commented about how lazy I am. As I’m off it’s considered my job to do all domestic chores.


I am beginning to resent him as I feel so inferior.

I will be going back to work FT in January.

Am I wrong in thinking DH should pull his weight too.

[Jewel52]

Really agree with those who suggest you nip this is the bud quickly. Unfortunately, if he’s the kind of bloke who fundamentally believes women own housework (probably is given his upbringing) then you’re unlikely to change him as his family will underpin his view that you’re a slattern. More worrying to me is that he’s trying to undermine you when you’re tired and coping with a young baby. Being in a marriage is about forming a team, sounds more like he’s heckling you from the stands.

[JonSnowIsALoser]

Some men should never be allowed to procreate. Alas by the time you have a chance to realise what utterly useless fathers and co-parents they are, it's too late. Oh to have a crystal ball...

[JonSnowIsALoser]

How come your prick of a husband "can't cope without sleep" but expects you to do an exhausting 24/7 job on no sleep?! Is he not capable of logical thinking?

[LorenzoVonMatterhorn]

How did today go?

[Dovecare]

He is a selfish cunt. Leave him. I really mean this as he is gaslighting you.