Hi all,
Right have changed my username.
Have just left DS downstairs with DH as I needed to get out of the room.
I feel like I’m loosing my mind here so need some perspective.
Before I start with DS DH is good with him but has never ever had him for more than a couple of hours at a time and never on his own. This used to be because of BF but now at 4 months DS is mostly bottle fed but still I have him all the time.
I know I’m not perfect in any of this as I don’t like to let things go but am learning to walk away instead of arguing. I hate the thought of arguing in front of DS.
My DH works full time, two days a fortnight he works a 12 hour day 7-3 the rest of the time. He had 5 days off a fortnight and quite a bit of annual leave.
This argument has blown up because I went to DH at 7:45 this morning handed DS over and asked him to have him for an hour and half so I could get some sleep. He did but begrudgingly. I had been up since 3:30 as DS stirred and cried but only fully woke at 5:50. I got up with him after a long feed at 6:50.
I do all night feeds all wake ups and DH is in spare room ( originally my choice as DH can’t cope without sleep) so doesn’t have unbroken sleep like me.
When I came downstairs DH has been a bit off with me and basically feels like I don’t do enough. This is the same argument we always have. I do the majority of the cooking and the cleaning. DH will do a clean every so often but not consistently.
The house is in a bit of a mess today as I didn’t clean it last night.
He says other woman manage to look after their babies and tidy and what exactly do I do all day. Apparently other people have commented about how lazy I am. As I’m off it’s considered my job to do all domestic chores.
I am beginning to resent him as I feel so inferior.
I will be going back to work FT in January.
Am I wrong in thinking DH should pull his weight too.
AIBU?
Is it me or is DH? Or a bit of both.
Perspectiveneeded44 · 14/10/2021 10:43
OP, you're clearly not BU. If your DH lived alone, he would have to do his own cooking and cleaning. So it's not clear why he should do less because there is a new baby around the place.
I'm sorry but it's unlikely to change when you go back to work 
. Nursery runs will be your responsibility, as will packing nursery bags. You will get home frazzled from rushing for nursery pick-up, cook dinner, do bathtime and bedtime and then, exhausted and half-asleep, catch up on your second job. Your husband, having been home since 3, will sit on the sofa watching you doing this and complain that his washing hasn't been done. You will never get a break at weekends because you 'cope better' with less sleep, apparently 
. He will continue to view your DC as some sort of "hobby" for you to do alongside full-time work and cleaning.
I'm not sure what to suggest. My only advice is to go nuclear since calmly negotiating with someone who views you with contempt is unlikely to work. Tell him he is the lazy one and that, if he continues to act in this way, you will not be together in a year's time. Tell him you can either share the cooking or he can cook for himself from now on. And tell him the house being untidy is as much his responsibility as yours... if he sees that something needs to be sorted, he can either do it himself without making a fuss or just shut up about it. Tell him that you're unclear when your job title became "household skivvy" rather than life partner, but you're on the point of resignation anyway.
what exactly do I do all day.
Ohh... if he was my husband, he would regret saying that.
So, you explained why you hadn't left DS with him much to start with (breastfeeding), but he's bottlefed now and you don't say why you haven't left DS with him much since?
You should go away for a weekend 'so he can see what exactly you do all day/night'. Or at the very least book a couple of consecutive days out of the house with friends or similar.
He did ask... 
@2catsandhappy
He will soon find out "..exactly what you do all day"
Nip this in the bud op!
He is a nasty, lazy, unsupportive prick.
Why are you with him?
Him telling you that people have said you are lazy is unforgivable.
I would be getting a bag together and going to your parents.
Cheeky fxxk asking what you are doing.
You are doing it all.
He needs to spend time with his child ON HIS OWN.
Do not get pregnant again.
Thank god you are going back to work.
He is a lazy disgrace.
I feel so sorry for you.
Reach out to your parents for support.
Lazy waster.
You poor pet.
So in his view, looking after baby is soooo easy you should be able to do all the housework/cooking etc, deal with broken sleep and require no time to yourself while looking after baby full time. But on the other hand, it's too hard for him to do any looking after of baby... . So which is it?? 
.
He's talking bollocks about "other people".
What was he like before the baby came along? Either way, he really needs to step up.
I’m in the process of leaving my DH who is abusive & what stood out to me here is he has/had exactly the same attitude as your DH. Nothing I ever did was good enough, comments about our place would be a hovel
If it wasn’t for him, what do i do all day? Sat on my fat arse tending to the babies every whim (breastfeeding ffs!) I could go on. His mother had 4 DC & didn’t work so his/dads/siblings needs were all catered for.
Your post stood out to me, nip this in the bud if you can, how he reacts to you standing up to him (& for yourself!) will tell you all you need to know about him & whether his mindset can be adjusted.
I rarely left my DC with him as all their needs/wants would be completely neglected so he could rest/clean sometimes it isn’t as easy to just leave them with the children. (Bloody ridiculous I know!)
@Starlight39
. So which is it?? .He's talking bollocks about "other people".
What was he like before the baby came along? Either way, he really needs to step up.
He was grand before DS but we were some years without a baby.
Yep. It sends very familiar.
Fir whatever reason, those very nice men who are able to pull their weight small back into the 1950s as soon as they become fathers
Even more reason to tell him to buckle up and get in with it. He can’t say he doesn’t know how to do things etc…
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