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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should be able to do my meeting?

189 replies

OktoberFest · 13/10/2021 14:00

DC home today as unwell. I was supposed to be in the office but am staying home so can share childcare with husband who is WFH. I had an important client meeting at 10. He was teaching between 11 and 1.

I suggested he look after DC between 10 and 11 and I would take over after that so we can both do our meetings.

He said no, he needs to prepare between 10 and 11 and so I need to rearrange my meeting. He said his was in the diary 1st (which it is because he has a timetable for the year, but my job isn’t like that) and there are more people attending his lecture (which is routine part of his job) than are attending my client meeting.

I stood firm because it is possible for us both to do our meetings.

Mine finished at 10.45 in the end so I was able to take over childcare then.

He is furious with me.

AIBU to think we should both have been able to do our meetings?

I have been taking on so much recently that I feel very overwhelmed. I don’t want to be selfish but I also don’t want to mess up my own work.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 13/10/2021 18:12

@Wife2b

Because if he can’t prep then he’s got a 3 hour (lecture I presume) with no plan? That’s an awful long time to wing it for. I don’t know your husbands schedule, he could have been in a meeting, student 1:1 etc etc before 11. He stipulated his prep time was 10-11 but you don’t say why. If it was to sit on his was then sure he was being unreasonable. A meeting for 1 hour seems easier to schedule than a 4 hour piece of work?
They knew last night the child would be off school today. OP stayed up to prep for her meeting. He chose not to do any prep yesterday.
TakeMe2Insanity · 13/10/2021 18:13

He should have prepped a year in advance if he knew his meeting was a year in advance! Ridiculous! Really, he should have prepped after breakfast or something. You were totally reasonable.

CarbonMonoxideParty · 13/10/2021 18:15

Has he got small penis syndrome your job vs his? Sounds like he needed to feel the power! Makes him more of a prick. Obvs a tiny one.

BumbledBee · 13/10/2021 18:18

Honestly, from this and your other thread, he sounds like an utter nob.

IcetSUV · 13/10/2021 18:28

He just didn't want to do childcare. That's why he is angry.

You really do need to get rid.

SpinsForGin · 13/10/2021 18:35

Important client meeting for main earner trumps routine teaching for lower earner,

I don't necessarily agree with this. My DH earns twice my salary but my teaching always takes priority. It's just not possible to reschedule lectures for dozens of students. I can only cancel in very extreme circumstances. Just because I earn less it doesn't mean my job is less important.

However, this was the actual issue.....
he was demanding your clients reschedule to fit around when he wants to prep. He could, as you said, have done his prep last night, like you did.

SpinsForGin · 13/10/2021 18:37

I should also say that while my teaching takes priority I only teach 10 hours a week so the rest of the time I can be really flexible.

PerseverancePays · 13/10/2021 18:41

I think he’s doing some exploratory groundwork to see how much he can get away with.
Stand your ground and allow no shit to contaminate equality.

Getyourownback · 13/10/2021 18:41

@Wife2b

Reschedule sorry
It really isn’t the fault of the OP that her useless, lazy, slacker of a husband left his prep to the last fucking minute. Seeing as the stupid prick also wants to go part time so he has more time for his hobbies but expects the bread-winning OP to fund him and still do 50% of the house and childcare, you think he’d buck his ideas up.

Personally, I’d give him his marching orders with a cheery wave.

LannieDuck · 13/10/2021 18:44

You had a conversation about it at 6.30? So he knew he'd be doing childcare from 10-11. He could have done his prep any time between 6.30 and 10. He's a jerk, and definitely sees you as default childcare.

If the roles were reversed, he would have gone into work citing his higher salary, and the absolute importance of not putting it at risk.

Ourlady · 13/10/2021 18:47

He's a lazy waste of space OP, you know that already. What makes you think he is going to suddenly morph into a supportive equal partner. It's not gonna happen...ever!

CatJumperTwat · 13/10/2021 18:47

Are you going to start a new thread every time he's an arse or are you making plans to leave?

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/10/2021 18:55

@CatJumperTwat

Are you going to start a new thread every time he's an arse or are you making plans to leave?
Yes, agreed. But fgs do if before he reduces his hours!
ChateauxNeufDePoop · 13/10/2021 18:55

@Wife2b

Because if he can’t prep then he’s got a 3 hour (lecture I presume) with no plan? That’s an awful long time to wing it for. I don’t know your husbands schedule, he could have been in a meeting, student 1:1 etc etc before 11. He stipulated his prep time was 10-11 but you don’t say why. If it was to sit on his was then sure he was being unreasonable. A meeting for 1 hour seems easier to schedule than a 4 hour piece of work?
If only he could have prepped at some other time and had some kind of table of times that told him when his lectures were...
ChateauxNeufDePoop · 13/10/2021 18:57

@BumbledBee

Honestly, from this and your other thread, he sounds like an utter nob.
This really, tbf OP you're in a better situation than a lot of people on here with regards to being able to leave. If your recent posts on here are indicative of every day life then you need to leave (or preferably kick him out) before it gets even worse. Then see how much time he gets for hobbies.
trembleandwear · 13/10/2021 19:06

Of course not unreasonable at all. It sounds like you did the right thing. I would rethink things in your relationship if this kind of selfish behaviour is recurrent

Quartz2208 · 13/10/2021 19:07

I remember your other thread and this clearly shows how little he values you and you work and exactly what it would be like if he did drop down his hours

And an important client meeting as a lawyer - no it cant be moved. Prep before can.

OP I think you need to seriously look at your relationship

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 13/10/2021 19:09

He has a penis so it's obvious he couldn't possibly do anything outside what he has planned, how he has planned it. Otherwise it might shrivel off and die from the pressure and indignity of being a functional adult and parent.

Powertoyou · 13/10/2021 19:28

What are these hobbies that are more important than you and your children ?

WizardOfAus · 13/10/2021 19:39

@AccidentallyOnPurpose

He has a penis so it's obvious he couldn't possibly do anything outside what he has planned, how he has planned it. Otherwise it might shrivel off and die from the pressure and indignity of being a functional adult and parent.
Lol!
SheSaidHummingbird · 13/10/2021 19:39

This is how the conversation should have gone.

OP: I suggest that you look after DC between 10 and 11 and I will take over after that so we can both do our meetings.

DH: Nope. I need to prepare between 10 and 11. You need to rearrange your meeting. H

OP: In that case, sweetheart, I'm off to the office where I planned to be (in my diary, you see) so I guess you're going to have a busy day chairing important meetings and taking care of our sick child all by yourself. See you later.

Original poster
OktoberFest · 13/10/2021 19:46

@CatJumperTwat

Are you going to start a new thread every time he's an arse or are you making plans to leave?
That’s fair. TBH i’m just realising how there’s been a lot of unfair treatment (maybe emotional abuse?) going on and I’m lacking in confidence to posting here looking for reassurance. I know I need to leave. It’s just hard…
OP posts:
MelKarnofskyCrane · 13/10/2021 19:53

Oh come on OP.

You didn’t seriously think there was any job harder than teaching did you? 😂

DamnUserName21 · 13/10/2021 19:53

@oktoberfest
It is hard but bear this in mind--if he becomes the part-time earner and 'sahd,' you'll be paying him spousal support should you eventually split. Does he deserve to have yous subsidise him after divorce?

billy1966 · 13/10/2021 20:09

Ah come on OP.

He's a lazy arse and now the penny is dropping there is emotional abuse.

You need to schedule an appointment with a divorce specialist colleague and get rid of this arse.

If you don't cop yourself on you are going to have this leech having a lean on your salary for spousal support.

Reach out to family and friends for support.
Get an au pair in to help with childcare.

Ask him to leave as you need space.

Start standing up for yourself soon are you are going to find yourself bitterly regretting it.

First off get professional advice.

Keep posting.
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