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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I should be able to do my meeting?

189 replies

OktoberFest · 13/10/2021 14:00

DC home today as unwell. I was supposed to be in the office but am staying home so can share childcare with husband who is WFH. I had an important client meeting at 10. He was teaching between 11 and 1.

I suggested he look after DC between 10 and 11 and I would take over after that so we can both do our meetings.

He said no, he needs to prepare between 10 and 11 and so I need to rearrange my meeting. He said his was in the diary 1st (which it is because he has a timetable for the year, but my job isn’t like that) and there are more people attending his lecture (which is routine part of his job) than are attending my client meeting.

I stood firm because it is possible for us both to do our meetings.

Mine finished at 10.45 in the end so I was able to take over childcare then.

He is furious with me.

AIBU to think we should both have been able to do our meetings?

I have been taking on so much recently that I feel very overwhelmed. I don’t want to be selfish but I also don’t want to mess up my own work.

OP posts:

Original poster

OktoberFest · 13/10/2021 14:41

To answer a few questions-
Nursery age DC
My meeting had been in our joint diary since monday (when it was scheduled).
We had this conversation at about 6.30 this morning when it was clear DC was unwell and would be home today.

OP posts:

Original poster

OktoberFest · 13/10/2021 14:43

(And, yes, it is my having the issue with him wanting to cut him hours...)

I'm trying to stand up for myself!

OP posts:

MangoBiscuit · 13/10/2021 14:44

Well then he needs to plan his day better. He might be used to prepping 10-11, but the usual plan gets changed when your home with a poorly child. He does not get to dictate your day, he needs to reach a compromise that works as well as possible, for BOTH of you.

MangoBiscuit · 13/10/2021 14:46

Oh, is he the hopeful cocklodger who wanted to drop to part time, but not do any more housework or childcare, but follow his hobbies instead, and have you pick up all the slack?

Original poster

OktoberFest · 13/10/2021 14:48

@MangoBiscuit

Oh, is he the hopeful cocklodger who wanted to drop to part time, but not do any more housework or childcare, but follow his hobbies instead, and have you pick up all the slack?

Yep :-(

OP posts:

girlmom21 · 13/10/2021 14:49

Surely he should be trying to prove to you that his reduction in hours will benefit your work, so should be bending over backwards to accommodate you. Dickhead.

Original poster

OktoberFest · 13/10/2021 14:49

Also it was clear last night that DC might not be well enough to go in yesterday, so I stayed up to get as much work done as I could as I knew today I might not have as much time as normal. He didn't...

OP posts:

8dpwoah · 13/10/2021 14:51

He clearly could have prepped any other time beforehand thia morning ready for 10am takeover so YANBUat all but you know that, I think!

He sounds an idle toad with both work and parenting.

MangoBiscuit · 13/10/2021 14:57

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. He has no respect for you, or your contributions. What he wants is more important than your work, your life balance, your mental health. Does he bring positive things to the relationship? Does he show obvious respect for you in other ways?

Camparispritzandcrisps · 13/10/2021 15:02

I'm really not team LTB, but based on what you've said he has very little respect for you - is this acceptable to you? He's being wholly unreasonable (both on this and the dropping hours thing) and you know it. It's like he's checking out of family life and expecting you to carry him. Time to sit down and take a long, hard look about what you and your children get out of staying with him -nobody has the right to make you carry a dead weight.

TerribleZebra · 13/10/2021 15:05

Why did you have to stay home to look after the sick child? Couldn't he have done that?

DriftingBlue · 13/10/2021 15:05

He should have done his prep earlier. He had plenty of warning time. Being a parent means having to cover sick time.

Orangejuicemarathoner · 13/10/2021 15:06

If that was part of his work day and he had allocated tasks to it, then I can see why he couldn't drop everything at the last minute.

Its not as easy as plan earlier, there could have been many reasons why he couldn't do that.

cheeseismydownfall · 13/10/2021 15:09

Hmmm I'm going to go against the grain a bit.

Personally I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with setting aside time to prep immediately before a meeting. Sometimes it can be the most effective time to do it because the material is fresh in your mind. There is absolutely nothing wrong with him organising his time in this way, and posters are massively jumping to conclusions in assuming that he has "left it to the last minute" as a result of poor planning. And neither of you can unilaterally decide whose work takes precedent.

I'd be interested in knowing what happened between 6.30am when this conversation took place, and 10am, when the OPs meeting started. Did he have the opportunity to bring forward his prep work? Was he looking after the children? Or was he being deliberately obstructive?

8dpwoah · 13/10/2021 15:10

@Orangejuicemarathoner

If that was part of his work day and he had allocated tasks to it, then I can see why he couldn't drop everything at the last minute.

Its not as easy as plan earlier, there could have been many reasons why he couldn't do that.

Not last night? Before logging on at normal start time this morning?

8dpwoah · 13/10/2021 15:13

If he's teaching (presumably one of these lecturers that don't feel safe to go back to work face to face despite the rest of education being in throughout) he will have had ample time and warning to prep for a routine timetabled teaching slot.

DunderMifflinSalesRep · 13/10/2021 15:15

I think you need to have a long hard look at what you get out of this partnership. Because from the outside looking in it doesn't sound like a lot.

Could you manage financially without him? Something to think about...

Orangejuicemarathoner · 13/10/2021 15:17

Not last night? Before logging on at normal start time this morning?

He could have had other tasks to do last night.

Teaching is only about 25% actual teaching. The preparation takes longer, as does the other admin

Fraine · 13/10/2021 15:19

God he really is a dickhead.

Dump him before he goes part time and you end paying him maintenance.

IndominusRex · 13/10/2021 15:21

His attitude is why women are shat on by employers. Your meeting involves other stakeholders and should therefore take precedence over his prep.

BoredZelda · 13/10/2021 15:21

He could have had other tasks to do last night.

Oh the poor little lamb. You don’t think everyone else is busy too?

Teaching is only about 25% actual teaching. The preparation takes longer, as does the other admin

Probably best not to leave it to the 1 hour before the class then.

It is literally the first sentence in the OP!

As had been said, literally 4 times before you posted.

Original poster

OktoberFest · 13/10/2021 15:24

@Orangejuicemarathoner

Not last night? Before logging on at normal start time this morning?

He could have had other tasks to do last night.

Teaching is only about 25% actual teaching. The preparation takes longer, as does the other admin

He didn’t have anything to do last night.

I on the other hand stayed up late to get work done in preparation for today.

The points you make are perfectly valid, if only one person is working. I could equally make points about how important my meeting is, how important this client is, how I’m the higher earner etc, but I’m not because i don’t think I’m more important. I just want to be treated equally.

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AtomicBlondeRose · 13/10/2021 15:25

I’ve taught online - you don’t leave it to the hour before to prep! Even if you needed to do some last minute tweaks you should still have enough to teach with (and could do that before breakfast etc). Yeah going straight from childcare into teaching ain’t ideal but thousands of us did it for months during lockdown so it’s possible.

SoftplayTaintedLove · 13/10/2021 15:25

Yes but why were the children at home?

Original poster

OktoberFest · 13/10/2021 15:25

As to what happened earlier, he took the other DC to school and came back and did some work. Then I did my meeting.

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