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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should be able to do my meeting?

189 replies

OktoberFest · 13/10/2021 14:00

DC home today as unwell. I was supposed to be in the office but am staying home so can share childcare with husband who is WFH. I had an important client meeting at 10. He was teaching between 11 and 1.

I suggested he look after DC between 10 and 11 and I would take over after that so we can both do our meetings.

He said no, he needs to prepare between 10 and 11 and so I need to rearrange my meeting. He said his was in the diary 1st (which it is because he has a timetable for the year, but my job isn’t like that) and there are more people attending his lecture (which is routine part of his job) than are attending my client meeting.

I stood firm because it is possible for us both to do our meetings.

Mine finished at 10.45 in the end so I was able to take over childcare then.

He is furious with me.

AIBU to think we should both have been able to do our meetings?

I have been taking on so much recently that I feel very overwhelmed. I don’t want to be selfish but I also don’t want to mess up my own work.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 13/10/2021 15:27

Yes but you have a Lady job and he has a big important man job so obviously his prep should trump your meeting.
This applies even if you are more senior and/or earn more

Pontypandytaxpayer · 13/10/2021 15:31

Days like that should be about working as a team so you can both get a reasonable amount of work done. It sounds like he's completely inflexible and expects you to make all the compromises.

Fraine · 13/10/2021 15:32

And even when he wants to go part time

Original poster
OktoberFest · 13/10/2021 15:38

Should add he also said it is mu fault for scheduling a meeting at that time (despite it not being my choice when it would be and it been scheduled before any signs of dc’s illness)

To those saying leaving prep to last minute is ok (and I can see that in some circumstances that might work for some people) should I really have cancelled my meeting?

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 13/10/2021 15:40

@SoftplayTaintedLove

Yes but why were the children at home? Grin
I'm glad you asked - I was wondering this too Wink
2Two · 13/10/2021 15:43

What's his excuse for not having done his prep at some point between 7 and 10 a.m to avoid this problem?

fishonabicycle · 13/10/2021 15:45

Your partner is a lazy horrible man. I can't see how he is worth having in the house really.

AryaStarkWolf · 13/10/2021 15:45

Could he not have done a bit of prep anyway? If the child is ill they probably weren't bouncing around the place anyway?

Either way YANBU of course

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 13/10/2021 15:47

You should have put the other details in the OP.

It was clear last night that your child was likely to be unwell. It was certain from 6.30 that your child was definitely unwell.

He had loads of time to prep. But he chose not to and instead actively wanted to prep in that specific hour that you weren't available.

He is a massive twat OP. Combined with your other thread, it sounds like LTB territory (ie he wants to to take on more of the financial burden but wants his job to take priority as well). Well fuck him

8dpwoah · 13/10/2021 15:49

@Orangejuicemarathoner

Not last night? Before logging on at normal start time this morning?

He could have had other tasks to do last night.

Teaching is only about 25% actual teaching. The preparation takes longer, as does the other admin

I'm not sure I agree with your maths (15 years in schools) although as I said before I suspect he's a precious HE lecturer hiding at home. Plus anyone in any job, but especially education, knows that you can be called away to cover/help/do stuff in your non-teaching time even if you do have jobs allocated to that time so it's simply poor working practice to be so last minute in preparing for a scheduled routine teaching session.
PicaK · 13/10/2021 15:51

Planned fir a year but he needs to do his prep the hour before? He needs to up his game

FoxgloveSummers · 13/10/2021 16:05

Sometimes I schedule prep for the hour before a fixed thing. If something gets in the way of that I either a) replan to do it earlier b) blame myself and wing it through the thing. It's obviously a risk and that's the price you pay if it doesn't come off!

I never blame the person getting in the way of it, especially if they're a sick kid or my hard-working partner!

MindyStClaire · 13/10/2021 16:08

YANBU at all. I'm a lecturer and hate when I have to go into a lecture straight from something else (kids or work), I much prefer at least half an hour or so to get in the zone, and if it's a new topic will need a couple of hours prep even after the slides etc are done to get it all straight in my head.

But in these circumstances I would have done the prep last night or at the crack of dawn and sucked up going in straight from childcare because that's just what you do with nursery age children and two working parents. (Currently prepping tomorrow's lecture with cbeebies on for ill 3 yo as DH has worked today and I'll work tomorrow, so I fully fully get it.)

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/10/2021 16:08

He sounds like a complete dickhead. Next time, you can fuck off to work then can’t you?!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/10/2021 16:14

He just sounds selfish right to the bone. Not much cure for that in my experience

SpinsForGin · 13/10/2021 16:14

@Orangejuicemarathoner

Not last night? Before logging on at normal start time this morning?

He could have had other tasks to do last night.

Teaching is only about 25% actual teaching. The preparation takes longer, as does the other admin

I'm a university lecturer and I think his excuse is bullshit. Yes, preparation can take time but you shouldn't be doing it the hour before your teaching starts. At my uni we have to have uploaded the teaching materials at least 48 hours before the lecture.

He sounds lazy and disorganised.

Muchmorethan · 13/10/2021 16:14

Op - you REALLY need to take notice of what he is practically shouting at you.... HE DOESN'T GIVE TWO HOOTS ABOUT YOU.

Hesma · 13/10/2021 16:23

IMO YABU… if he is teaching from 11am you shouldn’t expect him to do childcare until then. There are always last minute things to prep before a class. He was also not leaving everything until the last minute because he was expecting to have a kid free morning in the same way that you were. His classes can’t be rearranged but your meeting possibly could be. If I were him I’d be upset but if I were you I think I’d be stressed too. Hope you can sort it out OP Flowers

Pontypandytaxpayer · 13/10/2021 16:25

I'm a bit puzzled about why some teachers on this thread think their job requires so much more prep than anyone else's.

SpinsForGin · 13/10/2021 16:27

@Hesma

IMO YABU… if he is teaching from 11am you shouldn’t expect him to do childcare until then. There are always last minute things to prep before a class. He was also not leaving everything until the last minute because he was expecting to have a kid free morning in the same way that you were. His classes can’t be rearranged but your meeting possibly could be. If I were him I’d be upset but if I were you I think I’d be stressed too. Hope you can sort it out OP Flowers
Isn't it amazing how so many of us managed to go from childcare to teaching at the drop of a hat during the last 18 months??

She wasn't asking him to rearrange his class.

We have a rule in our house that my timetabled teaching takes priority over all DHs meetings but that is just the teaching time. In these circumstances I would have taken responsibility for childcare the hour before because we're a team.

a1poshpaws · 13/10/2021 16:29

Just glad I'm not married to the w*nker.

Disfordarkchocolate · 13/10/2021 16:29

YANBU, he should have prepared earlier.

WTF475878237NC · 13/10/2021 16:33

I also plan to do final preparations in the hour before something like him eg make sure all my slides and links are not corrupted on the day, sound is working fine etc. As long as he had time to do that in the morning after 6.30am then I think it should have been workable for you both to attend those work commitments.

Original poster
OktoberFest · 13/10/2021 16:33

I’m genuinely baffled by the teachers on here who seem to think my work (as a lawyer) requires no prep and can easily be rearranged and that teaching and prep for teaching must seemingly always take precedence.

Interested in some of the points that have been raised to say iabu e.g. about other commitments/the rest of the morning etc. So thank you for those, but the suggestion that the fact its TEACHING means I should just suck it up seems crazy to me.

Why should I not expect him to do any emergency childcare before 11 when be are BOTH working and I have a meeting for an hour??? Because he’s a lecturer and I have a different job?? That makes no sense to me.

My job is demanding, stressful and hardwork as well. It also pays the majority of our bills.

OP posts:
chris8888 · 13/10/2021 16:34

Good luck with that husband he sounds very selfish.

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