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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should be able to do my meeting?

189 replies

OktoberFest · 13/10/2021 14:00

DC home today as unwell. I was supposed to be in the office but am staying home so can share childcare with husband who is WFH. I had an important client meeting at 10. He was teaching between 11 and 1.

I suggested he look after DC between 10 and 11 and I would take over after that so we can both do our meetings.

He said no, he needs to prepare between 10 and 11 and so I need to rearrange my meeting. He said his was in the diary 1st (which it is because he has a timetable for the year, but my job isn’t like that) and there are more people attending his lecture (which is routine part of his job) than are attending my client meeting.

I stood firm because it is possible for us both to do our meetings.

Mine finished at 10.45 in the end so I was able to take over childcare then.

He is furious with me.

AIBU to think we should both have been able to do our meetings?

I have been taking on so much recently that I feel very overwhelmed. I don’t want to be selfish but I also don’t want to mess up my own work.

OP posts:
Original poster
OktoberFest · 13/10/2021 16:35

Always some of this seems someone misogynistic if I’m honest…There’s an assumption that I’m the default parent isn’t there?

OP posts:
MindyStClaire · 13/10/2021 16:36

@OktoberFest

I’m genuinely baffled by the teachers on here who seem to think my work (as a lawyer) requires no prep and can easily be rearranged and that teaching and prep for teaching must seemingly always take precedence.

Interested in some of the points that have been raised to say iabu e.g. about other commitments/the rest of the morning etc. So thank you for those, but the suggestion that the fact its TEACHING means I should just suck it up seems crazy to me.

Why should I not expect him to do any emergency childcare before 11 when be are BOTH working and I have a meeting for an hour??? Because he’s a lecturer and I have a different job?? That makes no sense to me.

My job is demanding, stressful and hardwork as well. It also pays the majority of our bills.

YANBU at all. Like I said, I'm a lecturer and used to have a job not terribly different from being a lawyer. Both meetings and teaching need prep and a game face of sorts. Both also need to be prioritised over other work. In this case where there's no actual clash, it shouldn't be a big deal with you both wfh.
dapsnotplimsolls · 13/10/2021 16:36

He had from 6.30 to 10 to prepare his lesson. He had plenty of time.

Theluggage15 · 13/10/2021 16:37

You’re completely in the right. Did he really have prep to do or was that an excuse? If he did have prep he shouldn’t have been leaving it to the last minute anyway. As you say, he’s got his timetable for the whole year, he should be more organised.

The cutting his hours stuff is outrageous!!

Pontypandytaxpayer · 13/10/2021 16:37

I agree with you completely.

I get that teaching can be a tough job but I also imagine it might be a tad more forgiving if you do a less than ideal lesson compared to the potential consequences in other jobs.

My DH and I have been in this situation quite a few times. Last time, I had to present to 150 people. They were clients, it was an important piece of work for them. DH took over with DS 5 mins before. It wasn't ideal but I didn't make a fuss like a spoilt child, I just got on with it.

Pontypandytaxpayer · 13/10/2021 16:39

@OktoberFest

Always some of this seems someone misogynistic if I’m honest…There’s an assumption that I’m the default parent isn’t there?
Absolutely!
Fraine · 13/10/2021 16:39

I work with lawyers and no fucking way can they just wing it with no prep 🤣

Maskedstranger · 13/10/2021 16:39

yanbu. How on earth does he justify his behaviour?

Mydogmylife · 13/10/2021 16:41

@TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams

Why are your kids at home if you were both supposed to be in the office/School?
It's literally the first sentence of the post - children are unwell
Lady1576 · 13/10/2021 16:47

@Pontypandytaxpayer

I agree with you completely.

I get that teaching can be a tough job but I also imagine it might be a tad more forgiving if you do a less than ideal lesson compared to the potential consequences in other jobs.

My DH and I have been in this situation quite a few times. Last time, I had to present to 150 people. They were clients, it was an important piece of work for them. DH took over with DS 5 mins before. It wasn't ideal but I didn't make a fuss like a spoilt child, I just got on with it.

This! It’s never ideal to go straight from one task to another without having a chance to get in the zone! But child care for extenuating circumstances means you just have to do your best and put it down to experience. If he’s a teacher in school this will happen ALL the time. If he’s in HE then I get it that the topics are more demanding and more of a ‘one off’ event in that you do less lectures and so more professional pressure on each one. But still, he had some time in the morning to prepare, even if it wasn’t perfect. If you genuinely could have rescheduled with no consequences and he’s calmly explained why it’s so important for him to be on his game for this particular thing then YABU but in all other circumstance he is BU and quite selfish.
KatieKat88 · 13/10/2021 16:49

Former teacher here (currently SAHM) - I wouldn't leave planning for a lesson until the hour before until desperately trying to get other stuff done, and definitely not in these circumstances. Both of your jobs are important. He is not a team player based on this and the other stuff you've posted OP. You have my sympathies!

Wnikat · 13/10/2021 16:51

Also you can do prep whilst caring for an ill child. Just put the telly on/ get them snacks/ drinks as and when. You can't care for an ill child whilst in a meeting.

Pontypandytaxpayer · 13/10/2021 16:54

Him being a teacher is not an important factor here, this is about mutual respect and working as a team.

hangrylady · 13/10/2021 16:59

I'm no Sherlock Holmes but I suspect the kids are ill Hmm

FictionalCharacter · 13/10/2021 17:03

He says he has to prepare at the last minute, at 10.00 for an 11.00 lecture? Nobody does that!

Lennybenny · 13/10/2021 17:04

So he would've been wfh anyway but you changed to wfh because dc were ill? How come he couldn't do both as he's wfh and you have a job to do? Does he expect you to do childcare by any chance? Does he not look after his own children?

You swapped your day and work around because dc were ill and he couldn't manage an hour looking after them while you were in a meeting? 🤔🤬

QueenBee52 · 13/10/2021 17:07

@SoftplayTaintedLove

Yes but why were the children at home? Grin

they're SICK

QueenBee52 · 13/10/2021 17:08

kick him OUT ... honestly make him leave

Wife2b · 13/10/2021 17:09

Unless he couldn’t of prepped 9-10 you aren’t unreasonable. However if 10-11 was his only time to prep then yes you were being unreasonable.

Original poster
OktoberFest · 13/10/2021 17:10

@Wife2b

Unless he couldn’t of prepped 9-10 you aren’t unreasonable. However if 10-11 was his only time to prep then yes you were being unreasonable.
Can I ask why?
OP posts:
girlmom21 · 13/10/2021 17:11

@Wife2b

Unless he couldn’t of prepped 9-10 you aren’t unreasonable. However if 10-11 was his only time to prep then yes you were being unreasonable.
Why is she unreasonable if that's his only prep time? Why does his prep time trump her meeting?
Original poster
OktoberFest · 13/10/2021 17:12

I mean why does prep trump meeting for you?

OP posts:
BurntO · 13/10/2021 17:14

YANBU at all, especially as a one off!

Wife2b · 13/10/2021 17:17

Because if he can’t prep then he’s got a 3 hour (lecture I presume) with no plan? That’s an awful long time to wing it for. I don’t know your husbands schedule, he could have been in a meeting, student 1:1 etc etc before 11. He stipulated his prep time was 10-11 but you don’t say why. If it was to sit on his was then sure he was being unreasonable. A meeting for 1 hour seems easier to schedule than a 4 hour piece of work?

Wife2b · 13/10/2021 17:17

Reschedule sorry

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