Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you were left £450k inheritance, would you give your adult children something?

548 replies

Jinnybean · 13/10/2021 12:39

Mil has been left a large sum. She’s always said that she will give Dh £10k.

It’s been nearly a year and she hasn’t mentioned it at all. We know she had the money a month ago.

I can’t imagine having that much money are not helping my children/grandchildren out. She is mortgage free.

Would you help your Dc out?

OP posts:
julieca · 13/10/2021 13:23

It depends. If the adult children are doing fine, I would give it to the grandchildren when they are old enough. I think they will need it more.

Prokupatuscrakedatus · 13/10/2021 13:24

If that is the attitude it will be pissed up the wall on care home fees.

People could quietly off them or take on the care themselves - to make sure they get what their parents worked for.

julieca · 13/10/2021 13:26

Just to say spending money on care home fees is not pissing it up the wall. Unless you want your parents to go into the least expensive home available no matter the quality.

Jarstastic · 13/10/2021 13:28

Yes I would but this close to Christmas Id wait till then.

scooterbear · 13/10/2021 13:28

My parents inherited a similar amount. They spent a fit bit in crazy things-a hoover that also can be used as a paint sprayer?? Which they never use. TBH that Annoyed me at the time, as we were really struggling to pay the bills every month. I get that it was there money but it did hurt my feelings a bit. In fairness since then they have been really generous in paying for lots of my wedding and giving us their car for free when they upgraded it so I can't complain over the long term, but a bit of help when were in dire straits would be have been so appreciated and I know it's what I would do for my DC were we ever in that lucky position!

julieca · 13/10/2021 13:28

@Mantlemoose

I did. Paid of my mortgage and odds and ends of debt. Bought a house for my elderly mother. Went part time at work. Helped out with others deposit but its actually not that much money!
Bloody hell, only on mumsnet.
AngelsWithSilverWings · 13/10/2021 13:29

I would. I've already decided that any inheritance I get from my parents is going straight towards buying property for my two DC

justasking111 · 13/10/2021 13:29

It's all moot because a relative inherited not you

Lollipop444 · 13/10/2021 13:30

My Mil came into a bit less than this about 15 years ago and we didn’t get anything.

Didn’t expect it, but also I did think it was a bit mean, especially as they were mortgage free and already enjoyed a pretty good life of holidays, meals out etc.

In fact we went on holiday after she had got it and was gleefully talking about what she was going to spend it all on and all of their plans like holidays, new kitchen etc.

On our holiday I remember how they used to split the bills down to a few pence and if someone did any shopping would split the amount exactly. It was fair but we were so brassic at the time as we had a baby and a toddler so any help would have been appreciated. (But not expected).

They have always been generous with time and helping with the dcs though to be fair.

I think dh (their son) is cut from the same mould as he is also against giving financial help and making the dcs pay their own way. I get this to a point but do feel that things are much tougher nowadays.

DrSbaitso · 13/10/2021 13:31

@Mantlemoose

I did. Paid of my mortgage and odds and ends of debt. Bought a house for my elderly mother. Went part time at work. Helped out with others deposit but its actually not that much money!
Oh, Mumsnet, never change.
BurntO · 13/10/2021 13:32

I would. I couldn’t vote YABU or not though as it’s her money and her choice. Bit silly of her to say she’s gift 10k and then not though

diddl · 13/10/2021 13:35

@BurntO

I would. I couldn’t vote YABU or not though as it’s her money and her choice. Bit silly of her to say she’s gift 10k and then not though
She's only had the money a few weeks!
episcomama · 13/10/2021 13:36

I'm green with envy at the number of people getting inheritances! My parents won't have any estate when they go. No rich relatives. How the other half live.

KitKatKit · 13/10/2021 13:36

@BringPizza

I would share it round if it was mine, but I don’t like how you feel so entitled to it.
This, the entitlement is gross. Did you or your DH earn that money? No? Not yours then. It does not exist. Move on.
Youseethethingis · 13/10/2021 13:37

"Helping out grandkids is fine... but skipping a generation as a rule is wrong. Grandparents effectively saying "I don't trust you to look after your kids, and I don't want to give you money. In fact not only that I want to have more power over your grandkids finances than you have". Really really shitty thing to do*
Only id you choose to see it that way. There are many reasons a GP may decide to leave money to their DGC that are not intended as a slight to their DC.

  1. DC are ok for money anyway
  2. one lot of inheritance tax on the way to DGC instead of 2
  3. Inheritance at 25 may be far more useful than inheritance at 55
  4. a relationship with the DGC as individual people rather than simply off shoots of their parents
  5. You want to make absolutely certain that your DGC will inherit by leaving directly to them. Anything else is a gamble. Your DC may divorce and remarry, they may end up in care home and penniless, you just don't know. Etc etc etc
Mychocolateteapotsmelted · 13/10/2021 13:37

I can't believe she is so mean! Sad of course I would give a large chunk of that to my grown up kids.

DandyHighwayWoman · 13/10/2021 13:39

@mygenericusername

My parents are very much like this. I’ll get it one day apparently but in reality it will be pissed up the wall on care home fees. I’ve planned for zero inheritance.
Hardly ‘pissed up the wall on care home fees’ Hmm
ProudMaiasaura · 13/10/2021 13:39

Honestly it would depend on a variety of factors but I wouldn't promise money and then not give it. I think that makes it worse.

Djifunrsn · 13/10/2021 13:39

My MIL gave us a chunk of money when her own mum died. It cut a chunk off our mortgage and therefore cut our overall interest payment. Although it was not a vast amount by today's standards (£15k) it actually cut a lot % wise off our mortgage and enabled us to pay it off a lot sooner. It was years and years ago, as MIL is also now dead, but that help multiplied itself and had knock on effects which helped us immeasurably. I would not hesitate to give money to my dc like this. If people wouldn't, it would make me wonder whether a) they were a (not) nice person and b) whether they actually loved their kids. Also, £10k is nothing out of £450k.

Peanutsandchilli · 13/10/2021 13:40

It's always the woman hankering after a share of her in-law's money, isn't it?

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 13/10/2021 13:40

@episcomama

I'm green with envy at the number of people getting inheritances! My parents won't have any estate when they go. No rich relatives. How the other half live.
You do realise someone has to die for someone else to receive an inheritance? Be careful what you wish for.
AnneLovesGilbert · 13/10/2021 13:40

He won’t get if it she’s not likely to mention it and he’s too scared to.

Had he worked out what he wanted to spend it on?

I wouldn’t have expected her to discuss it between initially offering it and then getting it, what would there have been to say. But it’s odd she hasn’t said anything about giving him what she promised when it landed.

Are there other siblings?

rhowton · 13/10/2021 13:41

If my parents came in to £400k, they would almost certainly give my DB and I £100k each and keep £200k for them. My parents are the most generous people ever. My grandma, however, will not be leaving that type of money for my parents.

Cryalot2 · 13/10/2021 13:42

Depends.
I have never expected anything from anyone. My late dm left me a couple of k It was unexpected. Dh was promised a small holding worth quite a bit and didn't get. It has caused nothing but heartache.

Never promise anything unless you are going to keep it . By the same never assume you will get something unless you have it in writing.
No one has the right to expect anything that way no disappointments

TatianaBis · 13/10/2021 13:42

A month is not a long time she may taking best advice what best to do with it - pay off a mortgage (if she still has one), invest etc.

If this were my mother or MIL I would insist she keep it to pay for her care. People are so clueless as to the costs of old age.

Swipe left for the next trending thread