Page 22 | If you were left £450k inheritance, would you give your adult children something?

Jinnybean · 2021-10-13T11:39:09+00:00

Mil has been left a large sum. She’s always said that she will give Dh £10k. It’s been nearly a year and she hasn’t mentioned it at all. We know she had the money a month ago. I can’t imagine having that much money are not helping my children/grandchildren out. She is mortgage free. Would you help your Dc out?

StormzyinaTCup · 15/10/2021 09:23

@SinisterBumFacedCat

I will never understand why parents do this, why pretend to intend to give money to your own children and then don’t follow through? On your own children? I don’t understand. I could never ever do that to my children.

But we don’t know OPs MIL is pretending and has no intention of gifting it.

It’s a large sum of money, I imagine there would be bank due diligence to be undertaken, it’s unlikely that that money just plopped into her everyday current account without some checks having to be made and that she can just access £10k without some notice being given. As I mentioned up thread, she may also be waiting to take advice.

It could be that OP ends up with more than £10k, is very grateful to MIL and subsequently feels bad for a grabby and entitled sounding post which will be on the internet forever more.

MIL has only had the money for 4 weeks!!

Georgeandthemadcatsmummy · 15/10/2021 09:43

Does she have a good pension/income for her retirement? If not, this could be her pot for that. Depending on how old she is this could only be deemed as a modest pension for one person.

However, if I had the money and my Son needed £10K then I'm sure I'd give it to him. Perhaps she's forgotten he needs it or assumes you don't need it anymore as it's been a while since it was discussed?

havesomepatience · 15/10/2021 09:45

We inherited a sum of similar value and bought my daughter who is an only child a house 8 years ago. Better to do it now than to leave it to her in our will as we only had to live 7 years for it to be a tax free gift. Otherwise it would get eaten up in death duties.

FiniteSagacity · 15/10/2021 10:48

Yes, death duties occurred to me too - if MIL is mortgage free then £450k on top of her existing assets means giving some away now when she is in good health could be very tax efficient.

I do also appreciate she may be thinking of her own income needs but £10k wouldn’t make a huge difference.

I’m sorry about your Dad op and in her own way I wonder if MIL is trying to be sensitive to that and not give a gift now.

I think DH should talk to MIL about the money for another reason - the moment £450k landed in her account I’d worry about all the interest that would attract and risk of scammers.

Lollipop444 · 15/10/2021 13:12

“I’m sorry about your Dad op flowers and in her own way I wonder if MIL is trying to be sensitive to that and not give a gift now.”

Yes you may be right there

QueenBee52 · 15/10/2021 13:19

it's ultimately down to your Husband to have a conversation with his Mother ..

whether he wants to do this or not.. and whether she will be receptive to that conversation.. only you will know OP 🌸

Blossomtoes · 15/10/2021 13:21

Yes, death duties occurred to me too - if MIL is mortgage free then £450k on top of her existing assets means giving some away now when she is in good health could be very tax efficient.

Why would she care? She won’t be paying the IHT.

thelonghaul · 15/10/2021 15:16

She's only had it a month. Give her time to get her head around it and what she's going to do with it. You never know she may decide to give out more. Or give it for xmas as previous poster said. Maybe she's rethinking and is worried out needing it for future care facilities, when she's older. Either way, YABVU. It's not your money. You need to seriously back off.

PrincessFiorimonde · 15/10/2021 15:24

OP, firstly I'm sorry to hear about your Dad, and I hope you are ok.

Secondly, I don't think you're at all 'grabby' for wondering about the £10k, as MIL originally offered it unprompted and it is not a big proportion of the total that's been inherited.

However, pp have pointed out that there might be all sorts of reasons why MIL hasn't mentioned the money again - e.g. she may be taking advice from a financial advisor, she may have started to worry about a meagre pension pot/possible future care needs, or she may simply be planning to give DH the £10k at Christmas.

Does DH have siblings he could discuss this with? Or would he feel ok about raising the issue with MIL in a few months' time? If not, then I'm afraid I think it's best if you could just put this out of your mind.

BrieAndChilli · 15/10/2021 15:36

MIL inherited half that amount and gave us £35k towards a house purchase and gave SIL a similar amount ( I think possibly a bit more but its none of our business and we have all been helped to buy houses that we wanted)

Snowisfallinghere · 15/10/2021 16:33

I think it makes a lot of sense for inheritance to go to younger generations, in terms of redistribution of wealth. If everyone included younger members of the family in their will, it would be easier for younger grandchildren or even great-grandchildren to get on the housing ladder and start a family etc.

GreyhoundG1rl · 15/10/2021 16:36

@Snowisfallinghere

I think it makes a lot of sense for inheritance to go to younger generations, in terms of redistribution of wealth. If everyone included younger members of the family in their will, it would be easier for younger grandchildren or even great-grandchildren to get on the housing ladder and start a family etc.

People can distribute their wealth as they please, though. It's not a government initiative to help young people get on the housing ladder, it's a personal decision made by someone who can take any factors they care to into account.

peaceanddove · 15/10/2021 16:40

DH inherited a big 6 figure sum when MIL passed away recently. The first thing we did was put some of it to one side as big deposits for our DD's first houses. They don't know this yet though

MIL was always very generous to them when she was alive, so we know she would approve of us using her money in this way.

saraclara · 15/10/2021 19:16

The average resident survives for just 2 years. An 11 year stay for a frail elderly person is almost unheard of.

Sadly not @WoodchipNightmares That average comes from a wide range. Many people are only in a home for a few months, sadly. Others are long stayers like my mum (12 years and counting, following a stroke) and my MIL (coming up to 10 years)

myphonekeepswanderingoff · 15/10/2021 20:57

i have adult children, I absolutely would share it with them and it would feel lovely to do that.

Twillow · 15/10/2021 21:02

I would, but that's not really relevant. It's her choice.

Mygirlruby · 16/10/2021 11:37

My DP inherited 500k. He's giving our kids a chunk each because it'll help with house deposits etc. We both retired early, have good enough pensions, some savings, own our home and live very comfortably. I don't understand putting tonnes of money in a will if you can afford to give gifts when people really need it, why not see the pleasure it brings and enjoy giving, rather than it being a consolation prize when you die?

DameMaureen · 16/10/2021 11:44

I am doing this as well @Mygirlruby . I contribute to mortgages each month and pay for home improvements that otherwise they cannot afford.

Corcory · 16/10/2021 20:39

It's only been a month. She may well be getting tax advice as there is a limit to the amount you can give way from a tax point of view. This together with the OP's dad's situation may well mean she is waiting till a more suitable time also Xmas is coming up perhaps she is thinking of giving these gifts then.

Discofish · 18/10/2021 12:43

I will absolutely give some to my children and grandchildren if I inherit anything in the future. And unless my adult children were in their late teens/early twenties I wouldn't be specifying what they had to spend it on as some have suggested. I would want to see them enjoy it on whatever they chose.

I dont think we should expect inheritance but equally its pretty shitty to say you are going to give someone 10 grand and then not - but maybe she still will if its only been a month.

I don't understand people who hoard tbh. My MIL is very tight. She is loaded (also due to inheritance), yes she has to live on it but she also has a huge property and thus could easily downsize in the future if needed -.and has a pension. I'm not suggesting she give it to her children but what I find ridiculous is when she won't pay for things that she needs and can easily afford- for example she refuses to pay for a skip which she really needs - then asks dp to take stuff to the tip! She doesn't work and has all the time in the world to take stuff the tip herself if she's unwilling to spend 70 quid on a frigging skip.

ajandjjmum · 18/10/2021 14:07

@Discofish Skips are around £250 where we live in the Midlands! Get your point though.

Dnaltocs · 22/11/2021 10:09

It take a long time to save £10,000.
I’d be sad if I gave this to my children and they used it for a holiday if they had a mortgage. I’d stipulate that it was for their mortgage. Some spend thousands on holidays and could easily have a good time without spending thousands.
Helping them with their mortgage in the long run is a sensible mother looking after her family.

mumwon · 22/11/2021 12:32

I am sorry about your dad & loosing someone close is hard but comparing his life to your mil's - no
OK first being told she inherited money & getting into her bank account isn't an instant thing
Second as many pp have said she has only recently lost her dh - & maybe in the grief depressive state of putting things off & dealing with things
Third she may be at early stages of getting financial advice including how it will affect your dh if she gives him more than 6000 ish (you can give 2 years worth if you have not gifted before I believe).
Fourth she may have considered whether to put ties on it aka its to be spent specifically on house mortgage or whatever
Fifth - people can change their mind & this money belongs to her & its her decision/choice - & she is your dh mum so while you as a family may benefit you do not have the right to assume/or expect anything but be grateful if it comes to pass & frankly I find this kind of discussion about what other family members should do with their money distasteful at the very least