If you were left £450k inheritance, would you give your adult children something?

[Jinnybean]

Mil has been left a large sum. She’s always said that she will give Dh £10k.

It’s been nearly a year and she hasn’t mentioned it at all. We know she had the money a month ago.

I can’t imagine having that much money are not helping my children/grandchildren out. She is mortgage free.

Would you help your Dc out?

[storminateacupagain]

when DM died and left a largish sum of money, l divided it by 5 - gave 1/5 to each DC and kept 2/5 for DH and me.
My sister got the same amount and kept it all, her reasoning is that her DC will inherit from her when she dies.
Each to theri own

[Comedycook]

Yes I absolutely would...although a very similar situation happened in dh family and no money was offered to any adult DC. Their choice obviously but not something I would have done.

[MrzClaus]

I'm sorry, your MIL has lost her father and had the money a period of four weeks and you're already on an Internet forum about it? Have some compassion for the poor woman!

Personally I'd give some money to family, but it shouldn't be expected.

Your DH can raise it with her if he wants, but it just comes across as rather insensitive and a bit 'grabby' IMO. Leave it a while - unless you're drowning in a sea of 10k worth of debt you need immediately or you'll have your house taken, give her some space to come to terms with everything.

[Mantlemoose]

I did. Paid of my mortgage and odds and ends of debt. Bought a house for my elderly mother. Went part time at work. Helped out with others deposit but its actually not that much money!

[Porcupineintherough]

@mygenericusername

My parents are very much like this. I’ll get it one day apparently but in reality it will be pissed up the wall on care home fees. I’ve planned for zero inheritance.

How are care home fees "pissing it up the wall"? Do you think they should just be shot when they get to a certain age or are you planning to take care of them?

I would probably (almost certainly) give some of a windfall like this to my children but another way of looking at it is that your dh's grandfather could have left him some money directly but rather chose for it to go to his daughter so the money is where he wanted it to be.

[FatsoGatso]

I would but not necessarily within 30 days of receiving it.

For example, at this time of year I might thinking about doing it over Christmas or wait until the New Year...

I would, however, be upset to think they'd been counting the days since I got it.

[LetHimHaveIt]

10k is, what, 2.5%? Bit less? I think that's tight for a mortgage-free woman. If she doesn't manage to even even that over - and of course she doesn't have to - I'd be hacked off.

[Greyhare]

@londonrach

She's only had the money a month! It's not your money it's hers. A month goes so quick ..she might have a Xmas surprise for your DH

This, she may or may not give you DH some money, but it's hers to do with what she wants.

[HelloDaisy]

My fil has recently inherited some money, only a small amount, but he had divided it up equally between his dc and him. Was a lovely surprise for all of us.

[Monolithique]

I would, as long as they were adult enough not to blow it.
My parents have done, the in-laws have inherited a fair bit but haven't, they feel its better to keep it until they die and then DH and DHs sibling will inherit it.

[Horst]

I think people who have struggled to buy their houses, pay uni costs or whatever while their parents sat on money are more likely to share.

As it always goes the poorer people are more likely to donate to charity than the well off.

My parents have nothing but would give every part of their nothing if it would help. My in laws have everything and will help if you beg cap in hand, set up standing orders and sign legal documents and we anit talking for 10k plus it could be a whole £300.

[PizzaCrust]

If I had 450k I’d sell our current house and be mortgage free in a new home. Whatever was left would be used to make our life “great” but with the majority going into savings or similar for each child (equal share). It would help them immensely through uni, buying a car and buying their first home.

If I was mortgage free I certainly wouldn’t be sitting on 450k not giving a penny of it to my kids. It’s selfish. Also, unless there’s vast hidden debts or something, offering 10k is pretty selfish too. It’s barely a percentage of what she’s been given.

[BringPizza]

I would share it round if it was mine, but I don’t like how you feel so entitled to it.

[Billandben444]

I unexpectedly inherited 300k and gave both adult children 75k to take off their mortgage (my solicitor wrote a Deed of Variation so it was IHT free) and then I spent 20k on a holiday for us all in the USA. I'm retired and the money is of more use to young families now than waiting until I'm gone. It seems mean not to give some of it to the family.

[Cruiser11]

Like others have said she may give you something for Christmas. I did that last Christmas, just a small percent of my inheritance while I was deciding what to do with it. Just before Christmas lunch I gave each of my DC a money envelope. I didn’t mention it was from inheritance money as didn’t want to upset them. There was so strings attached to how it was spent.

[jellybe]

I wouldn't expect it. Unless it was ear marked by her as a lump towards something like a house deposit assume that you aren't getting it and don't ask. If you are in the process of buying a house and we're relying on it then DH needs to ask so you can adjust mortgage etc. Accordingly.

[Hesma]

Maybe she will give it as a gift at Christmas… maybe not but unless you’re in dire straits I’d be pissed off at my DIL bitching about it on MN

[QueenBee52]

wow... 4 weeks huh

[Pyewackect]

My father is an internationl banker with a property in the Hamptons and my mother is a lawyer in Nice - and I've never seen a penny from either of them.

[randomthings]

Depends on the financial status of your MiL and of her son.

She might actually need or want that money for her own living costs or care costs. That money could really save her from relying on very stretched state care or having no choice of a care home. It could give her an enjoyable old age rather than a thin one.

None of us can pass any sort of judgement on her or you without knowing you all and your situations quite well!

[ufucoffee]

Yes but it's up to her. It's her money. I wouldn't ask about it.

[Disfordarkchocolate]

I would but if this is a close relative that has died I'd imagine it could take a while to feel comfortable spending it.

The only time I am likely to inherit money is by the loss of a parent. I imagine it will take me a few months to move on from practical plans to use the money to feeling like it's the right time to do it.

[GreyhoundG1rl]

I would, absolutely. In your position I wouldn't ask for it, though (I know she's already talked about it).

[lnsufficientFuns]

@Cruiser11

I inherited 100k and bought a flat for my eldest DC using 70k of the inheritance as a deposit. I have 2 other DC who are early 20’s and I’ve put the rest away for them for when they need it, wedding, flat, car etc. I spend the money I make on the 30k on myself.

Seems a bit lopsided?

[Cruiser11]

lnsufficientFuns read my update, it’s a bit more complex than it sounds.