If you were left £450k inheritance, would you give your adult children something?

[Jinnybean]

Mil has been left a large sum. She’s always said that she will give Dh £10k.

It’s been nearly a year and she hasn’t mentioned it at all. We know she had the money a month ago.

I can’t imagine having that much money are not helping my children/grandchildren out. She is mortgage free.

Would you help your Dc out?

Based on my experience with my own mum, I've decided we need enough savings to be able to choose our own care homes and fund it for approx 2/3 years ... then when the money runs out the council usually pay and usually keep you at the same one (they did with my mum).

However, having no savings at all, or house etc, would mean you could end up spending the end of your days in a very grotty place.

@Penners99

Not one penny

Jesus Christ I feel for your DC’s

yes of course, unless there was a good reason not to!

@MalagaNights

Depends.

Do they need it?

Do I need it? (mortgage isn't the only expense.)

Do I have plans for things I'd like to do with it? (nice indulgent things or practical things I need for health and care?)

Are my kids nice, kind and appreciative?

It would be my money and I'd decide based on many factors.

Not on a 'you should have to give me some' basis.

This. So many factors. She could be weighing it all up now and making big decisions. Stop tapping your watch with your hand out.

[quote Porcupineintherough]@Marelle in return for some care I'd presume? And maybe even your own room and bathroom and a chouce of meals and activities. Personally Id pay quite a lot not to end my days in the type of care home that accepts council only funding [/quote]
It isn't even just that. My FIL never went into a care home because he was able to self-fund extra carer hours to help him at home. That included being able to hire specialist transport with a wheelchair lift so he could get out the house and still enjoy his days. He couldn't get into a car, so that was the only choice.
Sure he could have just given us his money and remained totally housebound with minimum care and had a totally miserable old age. Nut that would be awful for him when there was a choice.

@Cruiser11

lnsufficientFuns read my update, it’s a bit more complex than it sounds.

So you didn't buy a flat for your eldest.. you bought a flat and rented it to your eldest ...

very different then

Depends entirely on the provision she has in place for her own later life and end of life care. Mortgage free doesn't mean she's cash rich or has a good pension provision especially seeing she appears to be single in light of lack of references to FIL.

Utterly SMH at the PP desribing care home fees as pissing money up the wall. I am absolutely delighted that my surviving parent is using their private funds to guarantee a nicer care home rather than being placed somewhere with no choice because they were reliant on the local authority. I would so much prefer that to getting money once they're dead.

@julieca good point.

@Mychocolateteapotsmelted

I can't believe she is so mean! of course I would give a large chunk of that to my grown up kids.

oh my ... how rude and entitled you sound .. the lady has only had the money for 4 bloody weeks

I love the assumptions that older people that inherit basically have no life to use the money, nothing they might wnat to do, and they should selflessly give the money away.

What if you've always dreamed of a villa in Spain? Why shouldn't you buy one and enjoy it?
Or if you'd like to go on a world cuise and have a garden room built?
what if your son or DIL are hyper critical hard nosed selfish idiots who barely give you the time of day.

Everyone just seems to assume: old people shouldn't want things, they should be selfless, adult children will need it more, adult children deserve it.

I think it depends on so much.

PS from an inheritance tax point of view, if you think there's a reasonable chance she could die within 7 years, then a deed of variation would be a good bit of tax planning.

It basically makes it so that the money was never legally hers, from an IHT point of view, and the 7 year limit no longer applies

There is, however, a 2 year time limit on it (from date of death)

www.wrighthassall.co.uk/knowledge-base/varying-a-will-after-someone-has-died-what-are-the-rules-and-how-can-i-do-it#:~:text=A%20variation%20must%20be%20executed,assets%20that%20they%20are%20inheriting.

@rhowton

If my parents came in to £400k, they would almost certainly give my DB and I £100k each and keep £200k for them. My parents are the most generous people ever. My grandma, however, will not be leaving that type of money for my parents.

so you don't really know then

@RedMarauder

Depends.

What does he need the money for?

If he needs it for a house deposit or to pay tuition fees on a course that will get him a better paying job then "Yes". If he hasn't got any specific plans with the money then "No".

I'm surprised at how miserly some people can be! You'd keep the 450K for yourself if it wasn't going on mortgage or tuition fees? How about just treating your kids to make their lives a little easier?

Yes, we would. We own our house outright, so we'd buy property for the adult dc so they could live there mortgage free. DH and I have already discussed it and both feel the same.

Inheritance causes so much fighting among families.

Inheriting that kind of money brings responsibilities in some cases. Especially if the beneficiary was not used to having such sums of money. It can be a shock even if it is a shock in a good way.
The beneficiary often thinks they want to deal with this money in a way that the deceased would approve of.
It is bad enough when the descendants of the deceased get grabby it is completely out of order for the spouses of those descendants get the idea that they are due some of the inherited money. This is far too grabby.
If MIL reads this and thinks it could be about her I would not be surprised if she gives away none of the inheritance.

@MalagaNights I think there's a fairly widespread belief on mumsnet that life over 65 has no meaning (unless of course its found in providing childcare for your grandchildren).

@SinisterBumFacedCat

So - rather than take responsibility for yourself and use your good fortune to fund your care, you'd disperse your own money and force the taxpayers fund you?

The difference between funding a couple of years in a care home suffering, ill health, dementia, loss of dignity etc or helping younger relatives buy a home they could raise a family in and live 30+ years. No contest really.

This is so entitled and irresponsible.

I bought my own house.

Old age is generally a slow decline particularly dementia. It might be 2 years in a care home it might 10. 10 years would cost around 500k.

Alternatively the money could enable the elderly person to stay in their own home and buy in care.

If you don't have funding don't think you can rely on social care as there is none.

Who would ever wish on an elderly relative a shitty last few years just so they didn't have to save to buy their own house?

[quote Porcupineintherough]@MalagaNights I think there's a fairly widespread belief on mumsnet that life over 65 has no meaning (unless of course its found in providing childcare for your grandchildren).[/quote]

Im seeing this on this thread 🤣

Probably. Without stipulations either

Noticed there are a lot of controlling people on here who would only give it if they approved the use of it to be worthwhile to them, much rather let the person decide how to use it, if they want to piss it all away, they can crack on.

I would, yes.
Probably not if a grabby, over-invested spouse was a bit too keen though.
Back off.

If my DIL was complaining to strangers that I hadn't given her £10k quick enough after I inherited it, I would probably rethink whether I'd want to sharing my money with her at all.

Lots of adults treat their parents appallingly. As if they are irratants who should just do whet they are told.

If I had kids like that I wouldn't feel the need to share.

You'll get it someday. I guess you can push if you want. But it has nothing to do with you at this time, really.

Unless I had a real need of it, of course I would.

We’ve already given adult dcs substantial amounts from an inheritance (strictly for house purchases only, not for pissing away) and so have two siblings to theirs.

I would. My dmum is not ungenerous but at 81 is sitting with hundreds of thousands. The good news is that she can pay for ant care she needs. The bad news is that the money she was left by her parents and my dad is unlikely to ever pass to us.

@MalagaNights

I love the assumptions that older people that inherit basically have no life to use the money, nothing they might wnat to do, and they should selflessly give the money away.

What if you've always dreamed of a villa in Spain? Why shouldn't you buy one and enjoy it?
Or if you'd like to go on a world cuise and have a garden room built?
what if your son or DIL are hyper critical hard nosed selfish idiots who barely give you the time of day.

Everyone just seems to assume: old people shouldn't want things, they should be selfless, adult children will need it more, adult children deserve it.

I think it depends on so much.

It's quite astonishingly unaware and self-centred.

Why wouldn't you want an elderly relative to go into a decent care home with good QCC ratings and compassionate staff when they could be abused in a cheap one that smells of boiled cabbage?

My parents bought a house abroad at 65. We didn't sit around and say: we want to bankroll our houses and school fees, we said GFI.