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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you were left £450k inheritance, would you give your adult children something?

548 replies

Jinnybean · 13/10/2021 12:39

Mil has been left a large sum. She’s always said that she will give Dh £10k.

It’s been nearly a year and she hasn’t mentioned it at all. We know she had the money a month ago.

I can’t imagine having that much money are not helping my children/grandchildren out. She is mortgage free.

Would you help your Dc out?

OP posts:
3scape · 13/10/2021 12:58

Absolutely. But I know people who wouldn't as well. It's really up to her. To be honest though a large sum like that can make you feel a bit overwhelmed. Like you're "supposed" to do things. Has she got / does she need support with things like tax or death duties?

DrSbaitso · 13/10/2021 12:59

@Cruiser11

I inherited 100k and bought a flat for my eldest DC using 70k of the inheritance as a deposit. I have 2 other DC who are early 20’s and I’ve put the rest away for them for when they need it, wedding, flat, car etc. I spend the money I make on the 30k on myself.
Your eldest gets 70k and the other two get 30k between them?
TravelLost · 13/10/2021 12:59

My parents inherited much more than that.
They are also well off.

I didn’t see anything, nor did I ask tbh. They are the type who says you need to make your own way and not rely on parents etc….

But would I do that for my dcs if I knew I was financially secure? Yes wo a doubt.
The difference I think is that I know things are much harder for the younger generation so I’d want to help.

In a strange way, my parents have much less issue with helping their grand children out (with uni for example…)

Cruiser11 · 13/10/2021 13:00

I agree that inheriting money can make you feel overwhelmed.

LaetitiaASD · 13/10/2021 13:00

Surely the only truly relevant thing is that she was left the money and can do what she wants with it?

If DH feels that a promise has been broken and is upset then he should bring it up.

Practicebeingpatient · 13/10/2021 13:01

We are mortgage free now so yes. Anything we have we would share with D.C.

I wouldn't just give it to them though in case it got frittered away. I'd wait until they were planning a major purchase and then help them out with whatever it was. So if they were looking to buy a car we might give them enough to buy a bigger/better/newer model. When DS had saved enough for a deposit in a one bed flat we gave him enough that he could buy a 2 bed flat instead. The same will happen with other D.C.

MatildaIThink · 13/10/2021 13:03

@Jinnybean

Mil has been left a large sum. She’s always said that she will give Dh £10k.

It’s been nearly a year and she hasn’t mentioned it at all. We know she had the money a month ago.

I can’t imagine having that much money are not helping my children/grandchildren out. She is mortgage free.

Would you help your Dc out?

They key point is that she has only had the money a month. I think if my mum had received that kind of money she would absolutely help out me and my brother, but I also would not expect her to hand over the money straight away. Some people tend to move slowly with financial matters, I do not see it as unreasonable that she has not handed over any money she intends to give within thirty days of her receiving it.
TrickorTreacle · 13/10/2021 13:03

The main thing with inheritance is - don't expect it. If you do get anything then that is a bonus.

Inheritance brings out the worst in people. Seen it all too often on MN.

MorrisZapp · 13/10/2021 13:03

Of course. My dad shares windfalls with us, though his have been a small fraction of your MILs.

LaetitiaASD · 13/10/2021 13:03

@TravelLost

My parents inherited much more than that. They are also well off.

I didn’t see anything, nor did I ask tbh. They are the type who says you need to make your own way and not rely on parents etc….

But would I do that for my dcs if I knew I was financially secure? Yes wo a doubt.
The difference I think is that I know things are much harder for the younger generation so I’d want to help.

In a strange way, my parents have much less issue with helping their grand children out (with uni for example…)

Helping out grandkids is fine... but skipping a generation as a rule is wrong. Grandparents effectively saying "I don't trust you to look after your kids, and I don't want to give you money. In fact not only that I want to have more power over your grandkids finances than you have". Really really shitty thing to do.
MatildaTheCat · 13/10/2021 13:03

She may have been planning to give the money at a specific time such as when buying a property.

There’s literally no way of finding out unless he asks her. He doesn’t have to ask directly for the cash but it’s very reasonable to say something along the lines of, ‘Mum we are thinking of buying a house/ having an extension and I think you mentioned giving us a gift from your inheritance? Please can you let me know if that’s right and how much you were thinking of so we can factor it into our plans? Thanks so much.x’

If she is noncommittal I’m afraid you have your answer.

As to your question, yes I definitely would give some.

saraclara · 13/10/2021 13:04

If I'm left anything, I will be using the facility that there is to pass it straight down to the next generation. The name for that escapes me, but it means they won't be taxed on it. I have enough for my needs. My adult kids need it more.

Orangejuicemarathoner · 13/10/2021 13:05

It depends on many things.

What is her health like? |Is she looking into care homes for the future? Maybe she has decided she wants to spend it on that?

MorrisZapp · 13/10/2021 13:05

@TrickorTreacle

The main thing with inheritance is - don't expect it. If you do get anything then that is a bonus.

Inheritance brings out the worst in people. Seen it all too often on MN.

Almost all parents leave their estate to their kids. I 100% expect that my parents will, its been mentioned many times. Care home fees might leave them with nowt, who knows. But what they do have will be ours. My friends are all in same position.
minipie · 13/10/2021 13:06

Is it an inheritance from her husband (your FIL) or her father?

If it’s the first I wouldn’t expect her to share it at all, that was their money as a couple

Brollywasntneededafterall · 13/10/2021 13:06

My df came into big money.. He didn't even buy my dc a bag of sweets. Money brings out the very worst in people.. At least she can manage her own care should she need any.. No bum wiping for you op..

Cruiser11 · 13/10/2021 13:06

DrSbaitso it’s a bit more complicated than that as I own the flat and rent it to my DC so he didn’t actually get 70k, he got a secure home.
We’ve now retired since the inheritance and have a large pot of money to help all our DC when they need it.
Inheritances are complicated and emotional. It’s easy to say what you would do before it happens but it’s different when your receive money, particularly if unexpected.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/10/2021 13:06

I would, but I guess she doesn’t have to.

Money does need to filter down to what I’m guessing is your and your dh’s generation from your MIL’s (guessing that she’s in the baby boom generation) where at all possible.

nanabow · 13/10/2021 13:07

Depends on her circumstances, shes mortgage free but that doesn't mean shes well off. She might be using it to bulk up a not-so-good pension?

If you don't need a lump sump to help with getting in the property ladder, maybe she's decided to hold onto the money and gradually treat you as and when things come up.

My MIL inherited a large amount and didn't give her DC anything. But she'll take us all on holiday for special occasions and help us out whenever we need it. Whether it me fixing cars, replacing a broken washing machines, or replacing old drafty windows she'll be first to offer to pay.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 13/10/2021 13:08

Yes, my parents have usually shared any inheritance they got with us.
Not an equal share with them, obvs - but given us a sum of money each.

Mind you - we're mostly talking about grandparents' Wills, so we were mostly written into them anyway! But Dad has had a couple of other inheritances too.

Pompom2367 · 13/10/2021 13:09

It depends how the money would be used

adreamofspring · 13/10/2021 13:09

Probate, taxes, general sadness at losing someone mean that she might not be in a position to hand it over within your desired timeframe. Not now doesn’t mean never.

TheSilveryPussycat · 13/10/2021 13:09

How long ago did the person from whom she inherited die? It took two years for DF's estate to be settled and the legacies distributed.

londonrach · 13/10/2021 13:09

She's only had the money a month! It's not your money it's hers. A month goes so quick ..she might have a Xmas surprise for your DH

Hodgeheggery · 13/10/2021 13:10

My dad inherited a similar sum over 5 years ago. He doesn't even buy a round at the pub! No mortgage but lots of fancy holidays for him and my mum.
I find it bizarre that he's never offered to help me and my sister despite us both buying houses during that time and having children. But it's not my money so guess I can't say anything.
I feel your pain. Everytime he complains about a flight cancellation I have the urge to point out its not a real problem. I just had to sell my favourite handbag to pay for a weeks shopping. Envy