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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you were left £450k inheritance, would you give your adult children something?

548 replies

Jinnybean · 13/10/2021 12:39

Mil has been left a large sum. She’s always said that she will give Dh £10k.

It’s been nearly a year and she hasn’t mentioned it at all. We know she had the money a month ago.

I can’t imagine having that much money are not helping my children/grandchildren out. She is mortgage free.

Would you help your Dc out?

OP posts:
pollyglot · 14/10/2021 18:49

Apologies, OP, I hadn't read the whole thread about your own Dad. My condolences to you and your family.

wentworthinmate · 14/10/2021 18:52

I'd be giving more than £10k!!! That's miserly. Has she always been like that? I know my ex step mother certainly wouldn't part with a penny for anyone. It's sad isn't it.

pollyglot · 14/10/2021 18:53

sisforsoppy - so parents should give up the home and garden that they worked for, and have lived in all their lives, and are happy in, to sell it and given away the money? It's not their fault that they made a good investment in property. Presumably the DC will inherit it eventually?

Gillimac37 · 14/10/2021 19:07

No matter what you feel, it's not your money. It's her money to do with as she feels best. I wouldn't want someone to decide they had 'a right' to my money (family or not). Nobody has the right to be given a gift.
Let it go!
If you don't it will eat u up and wreck your relationship with her.
No matter how much my parents had, after bringing me up they didn't owe me anything. I never expected anything either.
They were kind and generous. But that's not the point!

Benjispruce4 · 14/10/2021 19:08

It’s not really your business. It’s her inheritance and she can do what she wants with it. One thing for sure is that if you ask, you will take any pleasure from any possible generous gesture away. Forget it.

Lollipop444 · 14/10/2021 19:10

“But because human beings are so bloody tight and greedy, the world is exactly in the mess it is today.”

I think greed is definitely a problem in society.

I also agree with the other poster who said the older generation can have a tendency to hoard money.

Not sure with this specific case, but it could be either of the above or it could be she feels you don’t need it, or is judgemental about how op would spend it.

Benjispruce4 · 14/10/2021 19:14

Pot, kettle, black! Who’s being greedy here? It’s not your money op and you want a share!!!

Sallybates · 14/10/2021 19:16

It’s only a month. Perhaps she’s going to give a big Xmas present or bitrthday?

onlychildhamster · 14/10/2021 19:23

My parents would not give me a penny of it. They are mortgage free and own multiple investment properties. multi millionaires.

They say I have to make my own way in the world. And not expect a penny of inheritance.

DameFanny · 14/10/2021 19:32

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

So you want a free handout because one of your DH's relatives died?

Bloody cheeky is putting it mildly.

Read the fucking thread. The MiL has been telling the DH she's giving him 10k but seems to have changed her mind. The OP is feeling very raw because she buried her father today and couldn't afford flowers.

Reading threads - or at a minimum the OP's posts - is an excellent way of avoiding sounding like a vicious fool.

DameFanny · 14/10/2021 19:33

Same to you @Benjispruce4

TravelLost · 14/10/2021 19:33

@onlychildhamster yep same here.
Even though I will get the inheritance. But then they are in France and have no choice so….

Zenithbear · 14/10/2021 19:34

Yes I would but I would wait until Christmas now. Out of that amount I would give a bit more than £10k and give regular treat money after that.
However a lot of old people seem to hoard money and I think some don't like to give it away because they suspect that they will be abandoned or that's their last chance of having control over their families.

Barney60 · 14/10/2021 19:34

i was left a little bit about 5 years ago. No where near that amount. It was unexpected. Took me a few months to get to grips as i felt such overwhelming gratitude to do the right thing with something that had taken them so long to save. I didnt want to fritter it. Soon as i sorted my head out i gave an amount to family. To me whos never been left money i felt a lot of responsibility to do the right thing. As someone else said, maybe come Christmas Op.

onlychildhamster · 14/10/2021 19:36

@TravelLost though I must say that if DH's mum passed on (touch wood!) and we couldn't afford flowers for her, they would give a hefty gift in the thousands (Chinese people give large sums of money during weddings and funerals and even more so if they are perceived by their social group to be wealthy and its for a close relative) so DH's mother would get flowers.

@Jinnybean I am sorry for your loss.

alwayswrighty · 14/10/2021 19:40

I would definitely be giving my DS money if I inherited that amount. Whether it would be buying him a property or giving him a large deposit for one would depend on his and my circumstances.

BellaVita · 14/10/2021 19:42

Absolutely would.

Redact · 14/10/2021 19:43

I would help my DC if I was left an inheritance, of course I would. I find it hard to understand why parents wouldn't. My DM didn't give me anything when she was twice left generous inheritances. My DGM explicitly told her to give me money and trusted her to - not sure why as there's no way my DM would give me anything even though she could well afford to. Never helped me with uni, first car or house. I've earned everything I have.

Mumwithbaggage · 14/10/2021 19:46

Dad gave my son and his gf £3000 last week because he wanted to help them out a bit with their deposit. He supported my 2dds through university with a cheque here and there (as did his lovely wife of only a few years). He'd give my children (or me) his last £5. He's not wealthy at all just thoughtful. We're lucky and would do anything for him too.

I'd definitely share with my dcs.

Mumwithbaggage · 14/10/2021 19:47

Flowers aren't as important as love x

Gillimac37 · 14/10/2021 19:50

Let it go and love your mum unconditionally.
That is the way to not be gnawed away at inside.

She may give u some. Great.
She may not.
Leave it and move on.
Very hard tho I know💖

Madreamigajefa · 14/10/2021 20:02

Unless you were present when the Will was read and assets divided, my thought is that perhaps MIL had a bit of a shock and found that there was significantly less left than she anticipated, and she does not wish to speak ill of the dead. There could have been a hidden gambling problem or the house could have been given under one of those "live in it until you pass away" agreements she wasn't aware had been taken out. She could be very embarrassed to be unable to keep her promise so avoiding the topic. Nobody actually knows the state of other people's finances, but we form ideas based on their jobs, cars, houses and lifestyles.

maria57 · 14/10/2021 20:04

Your husbands Mother should not have said she would give her son £10,000 if she was not going to carry it out. It could be that she has since thought she should keep the money until she leaves this world...but if thats the case she should have made a point to tell him. It also depends how your husband reacted to her offer of £10,000 when she mentioned it?? If he said he did not want it or something on that line..maybe she has took him at his word??

Dragonella · 14/10/2021 20:28

I would and did after my Mum passed made sure my kids had their share

GenderApostatemk2 · 14/10/2021 20:33

There is no such thing as ‘reading of a will’ 🙄 Not in the UK at least.
The named executor(s) get probate and distribute the estate as per the will, or they are supposed to.

Most people don’t even know that a Will becomes public record and anyone can get a copy.
Wills can also be changed, after the death, with the agreement of executor/beneficiaries by a deed of variation