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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you were left £450k inheritance, would you give your adult children something?

548 replies

Jinnybean · 13/10/2021 12:39

Mil has been left a large sum. She’s always said that she will give Dh £10k.

It’s been nearly a year and she hasn’t mentioned it at all. We know she had the money a month ago.

I can’t imagine having that much money are not helping my children/grandchildren out. She is mortgage free.

Would you help your Dc out?

OP posts:
Listener2021 · 14/10/2021 05:02

Yes. Nothing else I would want to do with it. Can't imagine buying treats or enjoying them if they couldn't share. Could not give it away fast enough. I long to be able to help them.

FortunesFave · 14/10/2021 05:24

@Cruiser11

I inherited 100k and bought a flat for my eldest DC using 70k of the inheritance as a deposit. I have 2 other DC who are early 20’s and I’ve put the rest away for them for when they need it, wedding, flat, car etc. I spend the money I make on the 30k on myself.
Wow. No flat for your other two kids??
Bogeyes · 14/10/2021 05:28

@Jinnybean

He doesn’t like to talk money and if asked she will go all defensive about how it was grandads money.
It's not granddad's money ..it's hers. Grandad doesn't need it anymore
Wotnokids · 14/10/2021 06:22

It would depend on lots of variables. What are my circumstances? What are the circumstances of my children? Are they nice to me (I don't mean do they fawn but just pleasant in an ordinary way)? Do I have personal goals that the money would enable me to achieve?

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 14/10/2021 06:24

Of course!
What would be the point of me having that much money? I wouldn't want it all to go on care fees or inheritance tax. £10k!! Get her ms generosity!!

Billandben444 · 14/10/2021 06:30

@Notresdames
Sorry to bang on about a Deed of Variation but it is a perfectly legal way to redistribute assets from an estate and there will never be a come back from HMRC. we did exactly this 4 years ago when my sister died suddenly and, having already paid a huge chunk of IHT from her estate, I decided to give 50% of my bequest to our adult children instead of keeping it. It must be completed within 2 years of death and effectively rewrites that person's will so the money is treated as never having been yours. Anyway, I'll quit derailing the thread!

Notresdames · 14/10/2021 07:58

[quote Billandben444]@Notresdames
Sorry to bang on about a Deed of Variation but it is a perfectly legal way to redistribute assets from an estate and there will never be a come back from HMRC. we did exactly this 4 years ago when my sister died suddenly and, having already paid a huge chunk of IHT from her estate, I decided to give 50% of my bequest to our adult children instead of keeping it. It must be completed within 2 years of death and effectively rewrites that person's will so the money is treated as never having been yours. Anyway, I'll quit derailing the thread![/quote]
Why are you lecturing me on something I already know @Billandben444

WE did exactly this almost 10 years ago with my MIL's estate. Money passed directly from her to our DCs rather than DH keeping it all.

I'm not sure why you think I don't understand.

TheSeventeenth · 14/10/2021 09:04

I imagine she might be saving to give it at a special occasion like Christmas, I wouldn't chase it at all.

Billandben444 · 14/10/2021 09:46

@Notresdames

It's not always/ usually the deceased who does this but the person inheriting the estate. You can give away what you want.
But if you die within 7 years, it is possible that HMRC will view large sums and unexpected amounts as a means of avoiding inheritance tax and investigate.
Why are you lecturing me on something I already know @Billandben444

Take it as lecturing if you're feeling sensitive but I was correcting the misinformation above - HMRC aren't interested if deed drawn up correctly. Out of interest, how does a deceased person do a Deed of Variation when they're dead?

DameFanny · 14/10/2021 10:54

@BathMatToe

Sorry Op just read you lost your dad recently. My mum got money for dad's funeral as she was cash poor. You can apply to the council I think it is, they covered 2k of the costs.

Sorry for your loss.
PM me and I'll order him some flowers direct from a florist if you're still struggling. X

Oh this is a lovely idea, PM me too and I'll send flowers Flowers
QueenBee52 · 14/10/2021 11:39

@RedHelenB @FortunesFave

The flat was bought in Cruisers11's name and 'rented' to the eldest Son... so he wasn't bought a flat at all... his Parent bought the flat as an investment 🌸

FortunesFave · 14/10/2021 11:49

[quote QueenBee52]**@RedHelenB* @FortunesFave*

The flat was bought in Cruisers11's name and 'rented' to the eldest Son... so he wasn't bought a flat at all... his Parent bought the flat as an investment 🌸

[/quote]
They never said that exactly did they?

FortunesFave · 14/10/2021 11:59

[quote QueenBee52]**@RedHelenB* @FortunesFave*

The flat was bought in Cruisers11's name and 'rented' to the eldest Son... so he wasn't bought a flat at all... his Parent bought the flat as an investment 🌸

[/quote]
I inherited 100k and bought a flat for my eldest DC using 70k of the inheritance as a deposit. I have 2 other DC who are early 20’s and I’ve put the rest away for them for when they need it, wedding, flat, car etc. I spend the money I make on the 30k on myself.

That's what Cruiser said... I bought a flat for my eldest DC

Not "I bought a flat and my eldest DC lives in it"

Original poster
Jinnybean · 14/10/2021 12:30

Thank you everyone. His funeral was this morning. My sister bought us all a rose each so we could put it on his coffin.

OP posts:
DrSbaitso · 14/10/2021 12:44

If the funeral was this morning, your MIL can't have had much time to have sorted out the estate, surely.

GreyhoundG1rl · 14/10/2021 12:45

@DrSbaitso

If the funeral was this morning, your MIL can't have had much time to have sorted out the estate, surely.
Op's Dad has passed away.
TherapistInATabard · 14/10/2021 12:56

@Jinnybean

Thank you everyone. His funeral was this morning. My sister bought us all a rose each so we could put it on his coffin.
So sorry for your loss, Jinnybean

Flowers for you and your Ddad Flowers

grapewine · 14/10/2021 12:57

@Jinnybean

Thank you everyone. His funeral was this morning. My sister bought us all a rose each so we could put it on his coffin.
That's lovely, OP. Hope you get through the day as well as possible.
safclass · 14/10/2021 13:02

Has she just had it for a month? If so I think ya u. Just cos it hasn't come through doesn't mean it won't.
When my df got a bit of money he passed all his kids £2000 but it wasn't immediate. It was a couple of months.

DrSbaitso · 14/10/2021 13:04

Oh, I got confused. Sorry.

TravelLost · 14/10/2021 13:04

@DrSbaitso

If the funeral was this morning, your MIL can't have had much time to have sorted out the estate, surely.
That was the funeral fir her dad, not FIL
QueenBee52 · 14/10/2021 13:08

@FortunesFave

@Cruiser11 clarified in a follow up post..

it’s a bit more complicated than that as I own the flat and rent it to my DC so he didn’t actually get 70k, he got a secure home.
We’ve now retired since the inheritance and have a large pot of money to help all our DC when they need it
Inheritances are complicated and emotional. It’s easy to say what you would do before it happens but it’s different when your receive money, particularly if unexpected

hope that helps...

QueenBee52 · 14/10/2021 13:09

So sorry for your loss @Jinnybean 🌸

FortunesFave · 14/10/2021 13:14

[quote QueenBee52]@FortunesFave

@Cruiser11 clarified in a follow up post..

it’s a bit more complicated than that as I own the flat and rent it to my DC so he didn’t actually get 70k, he got a secure home.
We’ve now retired since the inheritance and have a large pot of money to help all our DC when they need it
Inheritances are complicated and emotional. It’s easy to say what you would do before it happens but it’s different when your receive money, particularly if unexpected

hope that helps...
[/quote]
Ah! Thanks...I did look but the thread is massive now! I still don't think that's fair though. As Cruise says, her child got a secure home...but do the others have that? They were younger too...

QueenBee52 · 14/10/2021 13:16

@FortunesFave

I agree ..