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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you were left £450k inheritance, would you give your adult children something?

548 replies

Jinnybean · 13/10/2021 12:39

Mil has been left a large sum. She’s always said that she will give Dh £10k.

It’s been nearly a year and she hasn’t mentioned it at all. We know she had the money a month ago.

I can’t imagine having that much money are not helping my children/grandchildren out. She is mortgage free.

Would you help your Dc out?

OP posts:
Ellejay67 · 14/10/2021 18:01

If I'd been left it I'd have bought a house and rented it out! Depends how old she is and what she wants to do with it I guess.

Frostine · 14/10/2021 18:01

Gave my dcs £10k each when I received an inheritance and it was considerably less than your mils .

Sheepish79 · 14/10/2021 18:02

It could be she is waiting to find out the best way to give you some money without you having to pay tax on it as unearned income. You can under HRMC rules give up to £3500 to some one as a gift per year more than that the person receiving the money has to declare it as unearned income. Monies given between spouses do not have this restriction. Plus if the money did not come from a spouse she would be liable for tax/probate so she may not have recieved the amount you think she has I would give her more time it has only been a month and there might be more paperwork for her to deal with.

mismine · 14/10/2021 18:02

It’s her money. It’s nothing to do with anyone else. If she wants to give it to you she will. Maybe she’s changed her mind and wants to keep it all for herself.

Middleagedspreadisreal · 14/10/2021 18:03

No.

toastfiend · 14/10/2021 18:03

@CSJobseeker it's entirely figurative, sadly I don't have that kind of money. I'm not going into detail because it's identifying and personal, but family situations in the past means there are people I love enough to help, were I in a position to do so, but I wouldn't want to see them piss money up the wall on fuck all. If they chose to sell the asset after the fact then there wouldn't be much I could do about it and of course that's a possibility, but were I ever in a position to do it then I'd like to set it up to be worthwhile even if that's not how it turned out in the end.

ellyeth · 14/10/2021 18:04

The proportion of estates that are liable for inheritance tax is much smaller than most people imagine - although everyone with a home becomes very upset when the subject of Inheritance Tax is mentioned.

Thegeesehaveflown · 14/10/2021 18:07

It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks or what is sensible or logical. People behave in very strange ways when it comes to money and it can be the root of much evil! What makes some people feel powerful makes others feel out of depth and worried and others relieved. Money is the most controversial of all subjects I think. It’s also easy to say what you think you would do with it, but there are value judgements involved and even within close families those values can be very different. Fundamentally, like it or not, it’s not up to anyone else to tell another (sane adult) person what to do with their money. To reframe this, would you choose the same home decor or car as your parents? Would you buy the same shopping bundle each week? Probably not. Why should they decide to spend their inherited money the same way? You need to ignore these things or else they will fill you with unhappiness and bad feeling which isn’t going to achieve anything. Row your own boat and buy the occasional pink ticket maybe!

Dragonsmother · 14/10/2021 18:07

I have very well off parents. Father owns many houses.
His motto is you have to work for what you have.
I have been poor, hungry, gone without, works long hours and never asked him for a penny.
As a parent I would make sure that my kids are provided for. If ever I do get £ some will go to my DC.
It is MILs inheritance and there’s part of me that says it’s her choice, then another part that’s says how can you have so much and see your child struggling.

Strangeways19 · 14/10/2021 18:10

yes, definitely. Wouldn't think twice about it unless my adult children didn't want it or there was a really good reason why they shouldn't have it, like they were going to spend it on shite!

Although this happened to my DH, his DM inherited some money, she gave her other two sons money & in my DH's birthday card sent a note saying that she would have given him a share but he wasn't a good enough son, apparently he hadn't called her every week! she went onto say that she would save it & give it to our DD when she hit 21, but she didn't see any of it either - basically, MIL had no intention of ever giving anything.

Suffice to say, the relationship wasn't that great after the birthday card incident, now its non existent, it was years ago & I still cannot believe that she would send something like that in a birthday card.

But back to the original question, yes I would definitely share with adult children, no question. And I think it is unfair to say that she would gift it if she isn't going to.

sarralim · 14/10/2021 18:12

@User57327259

OP if your father was so ill and on benefits you can obtain Funeral assistance from the state. They provide money for one floral tribute as well as the cost of the funeral.

What stands out from your post stating that your family do not have any money to leave to you (and any siblings if any). You are not criticizing your family for not providing an inheritance but you are very nasty about the fact that your MIL has £450K and she has given you nothing. She does not have to give anyone any money and it is greedy to expect money from her. If she knew your attitude she would be angry/disappointed/disillusioned and a whole load of emotions.

Perhaps she has given money to her own child and you just have not been told due to your greedy attitude. Perhaps she decided not to give money after realising you have this attitude. You are looking at a woman who has lost her last remaining parent, inherited the money and now she (MIL) is seen as a walking cash machine.

That is nasty

Give over. Talk about nasty post. You clearly suffer from zero compassion, except when it comes to taking the side of a (clearly) wealthy person. The OP is grieving - but you are calling her nasty.

It's your attitude that stinks and this is what money does to people.

No. OP. If I had money, I would give every penny to my children and their family. But because human beings are so bloody tight and greedy, the world is exactly in the mess it is today.

I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers

Diva66 · 14/10/2021 18:13

First of the, I am so sorry for the loss of your father, you must be feeling quite raw.

In answer to your question, yes I’d want to share some of that money with children. I don’t think you can ask MiL for it though. If it only cleared one month ago there may still be things to sort out, such as how to avoid landing you with a tax bill.

VK456 · 14/10/2021 18:21

I most certainly would. I’m fortunate enough to have no mortgage, so I think I would give more than £10K, to be honest.

Nannyprosecco · 14/10/2021 18:22

A brother I once had told me he wanted nothing from my mum's will. Unmarried, no children. I gave up everything to look after mum when she got cancer. My day's where 19 hours long. Mum in the North, I'm South, he was an hour away. He done absolutely nothing but....did want half of everything! I was actually left out of pocket.
The only good thing to come of it. I never have to see, or speak to him again .

DaisyStiener · 14/10/2021 18:23

Sorry for your loss OP. The moneys situs probably feels worse as you are so skint for such a sad time

But a months not very long for MIL to get her affairs in order
She’s probably got to sort out whos getting what, if she’s investing, her Will updated etc.
She mayn’t have looked into any of it until she actually had the money.
Hope she comes through soon. Flowers

caringcarer · 14/10/2021 18:26

When I inherited from my dear Mum on her passing I gave my 3 children 10 per cent of it each. I was quite surprised she only left to her daughter's sit evenly between them and not any of it to dgc.

panauchocolat · 14/10/2021 18:30

Although is a lot of money, money is exactly the reason why so many family members fight.
If it was me, I would absolutely give some to my children to invest or do whatever they like really.
It’s a lot of money and I wouldn’t be happy keeping to myself. In the end anyone can die tomorrow and all that greediness is gone :) for the best.
My fil is greedy and tight like that. He will probably burn it all rather than leaving for any of his children lol
I think that money bring happiness and happiness must be shared amongst your loved ones… just that.
Ask him to ask his mother… why not ?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/10/2021 18:30

So you want a free handout because one of your DH's relatives died?

Bloody cheeky is putting it mildly.

pollyglot · 14/10/2021 18:39

It's the OP's FIL who died a year ago. From the tone of her post, I doubt that she is grieving, sarralim. But I do think that it has nothing to do with her, and that she should butt out. It's only a month since probate, and her MIL no doubt has still a great deal of legal stuff to sort. Give the poor woman a chance to get her head together before you start getting upset about your DH's money.

LoisLane66 · 14/10/2021 18:40

@earsup
I can hardly believe that you're still peeved that you weren't 'gifted' a house. You inherited 300k from other sources yet still whinge.

Bleachmycloths · 14/10/2021 18:42

My adult children would get most of it - immediately. As long as I had a few thousand to keep e going, I just wouldn’t care.

mia778 · 14/10/2021 18:43

Absolutely of course I would .

JoSummer · 14/10/2021 18:46

IMO, the only relevant thing here is that 10k was promised and you feel perhaps the promise isn’t being kept. I think it’s too early to tell though.
In a general sense, I’m not sure that 450k is enough to expect anything. It will depend on circumstances.

LoisLane66 · 14/10/2021 18:47

@Cruiser11
Interest on 30k will be 🥜 s.

SisforSoppy · 14/10/2021 18:48

OP id like to think I would but maybe we all turn into selfish bastards when we get old. I know so many people with baby boomer parents who seem quite happy to continue to live in massive 4 bedroom detached houses with massive gardens while their adult children squeeze their families into tiny new builds. And I just don’t get it. It’s not that the adult children are lazy or entitled it’s just that the house they bought for £50k on their average salary 40 years ago now costs £1mil.

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