If you have no friends…

[PegorySpeck]

Do you think there is something wrong with you, or you just haven’t met your tribe yet?

Bit of both 🤷‍♀️

@TurnUpTurnip

Bit of both 🤷‍♀️

agree

Depends how old you are. A teenager.. probably not met your tribe. In your 40s... it is you.

Could be either or both. Also depends on your age. I didn't have any real friends at 20 but then joined a sports club and by the time I was 25 had a wide circle including some close friends. Then lost some of those when my kids came along and I moved area, if it wasn't for my core 3 close friends from sports club days I'd be getting through life with a bunch of friendly acquaintances but no close friends as that's how things have gone lately.
My actual friends think I'm a good person to know but I'm hardly beating people off with a stick so life circumstances definitely play a part.

I have friends in my country but just can't be arsed here. I have lived here for 15 years though, so getting quite lonely. I think I'm very unapproachable.

I'm 48 and it's definitely me.

I have friends from the past, and if I lived closer to any of them then we'd still be active friends, but I haven't had friends where I live for the last 10yrs or so.

I think it's me. I'm perfectly friendly and pleasant, I just don't seem to want friends now. I'm exhausted by the rest of my life. I've gone into "get by without friends" mode, and the energy required to get back into socialising just doesn't exist in me right now. So it's kind of a choice. I also find myself quite irritated by a lot of people around these parts (very posh, rather fake/ surface level chat only), so I'd struggle to find my tribe here anyway possibly...

Usually as an adult having very few friends is either a choice or due to you....

I'm ugly, fat autistic with a speech impediment. But fairly sure I'm just unpleasant. But I'm out of trying to jump through hoops now. I see others friendships turn out to be hollow, fragile. Friends are transitory and transactional anyway

I (and family members have also pointed out to me) seem to attract strange people as friends. Like odd and sometimes batty people, flaky, they don’t call when they say or meet when they say, just won’t show up even. I’ve realised in the past couple of years that these people who I would have considered friends but actually they are two faced and only interested when I can provide something for them whether that’s attention or something materially. I think now that why this keeps happening is a lack of confidence on my part, I never felt I deserved a good friend/respect. So I have cut these people out but I’m admittedly very lonely.
I do have one good friend who I would trust but she lives abroad so we don’t see each other often.

I am 40 and it’s me, but then I don’t choose the best of friends, they all seem to annoy me after a while, I think I’m a loner really tbh.

I think it's me.
But I'm not really sure why. I'm a bit awkward, but don't look like an awkward person on the outside so everyone assumes I already have friends.
I also have a terrible memory, which I think doesn't help.

I think I am very honest and I have since discovered that most people prefer smoke blown up their ass and I’m just not like that so I clash with these types, I have learned to be honest tactfully but if you don’t want me to think bad of your boyfriend then don’t tell me the awful things he has done to you, and expect advice that isn’t “get fucking rid of him”!

Not sure. As an extreme introvert, I have so few friends you could count them on one hand with digits to spare, and that number keeps shrinking as life, or death, events happen. I probably "speak" more on here than I do with them. On the other hand, if I do make a friend, I tend to keep them for a very, very long time.

I have no friends, it’s me, I think nobody would want to spend any time with me, I bore myself sometimes

@LordoftheDanceSaidHe

Usually as an adult having very few friends is either a choice or due to you....

Or luck.

It’s me. Combination of just not understanding the concept of friendships, having problems with social things, and struggling to deal with people too much. I’m autistic fwiw though.

I'm 31 and have two very close friends (even closer than some family) that will be there for me through thick and thin and me them. I don't have the energy to maintain a large group of friends but I think if I put in the effort I could definitely have a lot more strong friendships. I also have quite a lot of lovely acquaintances but could equally live without them.

I think it's definitely a bit of both. When you find the people you want to give your energy to you will.

I think it might depend on circumstances as well. I guess that I dont have close friends where I live now but I've also moved around a lot, lived in six different countries and have only been back in the UK for two and most of that has been in lockdown. If you move around a lot, it can be difficult to maintain friendships - not impossible but difficult. I am 40 and certainly hope to make new ones though I think it can also be fairly difficult in London as an adult having not lived here in 20 years

There’s something wrong with me. I don’t know what. Probably autism.

@3scape

I'm ugly, fat autistic with a speech impediment. But fairly sure I'm just unpleasant. But I'm out of trying to jump through hoops now. I see others friendships turn out to be hollow, fragile. Friends are transitory and transactional anyway

Woah. That's a bit tough on yourself!

I could say all that about myself too but I've a value as a person and I know I've been a valuable friend to people.

If they've taken what they needed from me and not given anything back then I tell myself I've given to the wrong people. If I didn't tell myself that then I couldn't face the next 30-ish years. We just need to look for people who are more like us - there's obviously a few of us.

Look after yourself.

I have very few, my ‘problem’ is that whilst I always try to be kind I don’t actually make enough effort not to piss people off, my attention is else where.
I don’t really think of it as a problem though.

It’s me - I have a few friends who I’ve known for years, lost contact over the years but things like Facebook have meant we caught up and made effort to keep in light touch.
My older daughter seems very similar to me struggles with friends (especially females)
We always seem to be on the outside of the group never quite invited in, I don’t get invited to everything. Frustratingly when we do go out we have a laugh and I’m always a little hopeful then it just disappears again …I think I’m not an in your face friend. And the same thing happens to her I feel bad could be an introvert thing.
My other daughter is the opposite has a group of friends and very social /popular like my husband!