If you have no friends…

[PegorySpeck]

Do you think there is something wrong with you, or you just haven’t met your tribe yet?

@Hamtonn

There’s something wrong with me. I don’t know what. Probably autism.

I think we're all presented with an image of what 'friendship' is on TV etc and if we're a bit different because of autism or whatever we get disappointed because we never have the sort of friendships presented to us as 'normal' on TV.

We don't need to be ashamed of our own versions of friendship though. We don't have to comply with 'normality'.

Dp has no friends, he's likeable but very introverted, it's his choice. Took me a while to get my head around it.

Friends are transitory and transactional anyway

Couldn't agree less

It's me. Short term friends but never long term

I do t really have friends.I’m so close to my scho friends; college friends and uni friends dd
But I don’t hVe mum friends now after I had a breakdown and fought like hell to get my daughter back. I live in a cliquey area and mums are so judgementwl

Depends on your definition of friends. I have many friends, but none that I am close to. So no best friend per se, although I still have my “best friend” from primary and secondary school but we grew apart around our 20s. So although still friends don’t really see or talk to each other much anymore.
I’m a big fan of my own company though, which I think explains why I haven’t developed any close adult friendships. I have friends I do stuff with but don’t confide in if you see what I mean.

I have zero friends, every person i thought was my friend was a lying 2 faced nasty selfish self centered witch. Better off myself, nobody can hurt me, lie to me, steal or gossip about me behind my back!

Yeah, it turns out that I'm autistic. But there's been a lot of bad luck too. I wish there was a way to.meet other 30 something autistic mummies in my area

We don't need to be ashamed of our own versions of friendship though. We don't have to comply with 'normality'.
I don’t have my own version of friendship. I literally have nobody. Because nobody wants to be my friend. I don’t know why but I assume there must be something wrong with me.

There’s something wrong with me.

Never had a group I fit in to at school. Always left out, or just tolerated on the edge of the group. Thought I would meet my tribe at Uni but it didn’t happen. Friends, but not die hard, nobody I’m in touch with now. Then I thought I would meet people at baby groups, then in the playground. I think it will just never happen for me.

I get on well with colleagues, but they all have friends and social lives outside of work. It used to make me feel like a freak, I was embarrassed to admit it and would worry about things like nobody coming to my funeral. I’ve accepted not having friends or a social life of any kind now but I don’t have one person I could call or text if I was really down, that’s the worst thing. I have nobody to talk to.

I was always on the edge of groups at school, never in the inner circle and quickly pushed out when a new best friend came along. I had one close friend once who totally abandoned me once she got a boyfriend.

I am an introvert and struggle with small talk. I just clam up so am no good in groups of people I don’t know like in the playground or when I went to baby groups, I couldn’t just strike up a conversation with someone it. I also probably have resting bitch face.

Yes it’s me, I’m unattractive and autistic. Not exactly high on the social hierarchy

I make an effort to be approachable but many people still get put off by those two things… (I don’t blame them, it is what it is). I think most people are subconsciously more drawn towards confident and attractive people over more awkward people.

No issues with small talk and making acquaintances but struggle taking the relationship further.
Some people are willing to tolerate me in small doses but no desire to actually befriend me because they already have established groups and I’m not bringing anything new or useful to their lives

Agree with a pp about feeling on the outside of a social group.

(Disclaimer I do have a few old friends I’m still in touch with, but we’ve drifted as we don’t live in the same area. I’m terrible at making new friends though)

I have a very close friend and I'm in my. Early. 40s but mainly me

I had two of the loveliest friends ever I'd known around 25 years. They literally completed my life, my kids adored them, they adored my kids - very important as we have hardly any family. They were funny, fierce, intelligent and always there for me. Then they died within a short while of each other; completely random reasons, both sudden. I'm 60 now and its pretty likely I will never have friends like that again; it haunts me.

It’s definitely me. I’m 33 and have made lots of friends over the years, but either they move away or I do, and I suck at keeping in touch with them.

I am a sociable introvert. So I am very comfortable socially, talk to people easily etc, but don’t feel there is a friend sized gap in my life. Nevertheless, DH and I invariable become friendly with people on holiday. I had close friends at Uni and after that, I had friends I met through my hobby of keeping and competing a horse. I also had friends (casual) at work. Now I am 62 and have been retired since 55, married 6 years ago and no longer have the all encompassing hobby, I have lost touch with friends. I quickly realised that those connected to horses were people that I only had that interest in common with. DH and I love being together and share various interest, so, although, I am in text and messenger contact with a few friends, we don’t live near to each other and don’t see each other. I am aware that if/when DH or I pop our clogs, the other one will have to do some work to develop social contacts.

I make friends through voluntary work, but then I often take a principled stand on things and annoy the crap out of alienate people.

I seem to have to change friendship groups rather often because of this.

Having said that, all the things that I've taken a principled stand on recently have been where people were breaking the law, so I don't really feel that bad about it.

I am also ASD.

It's me. I have a minor brain injury which presents in a similar way to Aspergers. I think I tend to either frighten people off or come across as a bit flakey.

Oh, it’s probably me. I’m shy, awkward, ugly, uncomfortable in social situations.

My mum thought we should be seen and not heard until we became adult, at which point she expected us to be witty, chatty, charming people. It didn’t work. Too many years of being told our opinion didn’t count.

As an adult I’ve moved a lot. Between 25 and 40 we moved every three years. In the next 20 years we lived in 9 different places.

Most of the time I just get on with it, but sometimes the loneliness is crushing. I don’t see things changing at this point in my life though.

I find it hard to accept people like me just for being me. Turns out some people really do! Took me till my mid 50s to find this out and trust people. Only child, high IQ low self esteem. Probably ADHD.

Neither. Not everyone wants a "tribe," or derives enjoyment from having one.

I spent the best part of my life thinking I didnt have friends, and then I found out that I did. I just didnt realise that they cared about me. I thought that I was the annoying, ugly, stupid person they didnt want around.

I was wrong. I bet you are too.

Definitely me! People just don’t take to me.

I have ADHD and people with ADHD often find it difficult to make and keep friends. One thing I’m really aware of is making poor decisions around friendships (I think due to my ADHD) that negatively affected them.

As an adult I am keen to make friends but also with working and having children I wouldn’t have much time for them anyway! I do wish I had people on the other end of a phone though
and when I read some things on here like ‘in our friendship group’ it’s just so alien to me that people have that!

I have quite a few friends but tbh, I find friendships hard work so put minimal effort into them. They are all lovely people - I think I'm just lazy really, in the little spare time I have I just want to sit and do nothing. Friendships need nurturing, I'm too greedy with my time to put the effort in. It's a great source of guilt for me and I'd probably prefer to have no friends at all.