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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she ought to have let me have it?

835 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 11/10/2021 11:21

On my way home from town yesterday I popped into a charity shop for a browse and they had a lovely baby changing bag. I wanted to buy it but didn’t have the arm space for any more stuff and the woman who ran the shop said they couldn’t keep it for me, so I came back into town this morning to get it.
The charity shop still has a utterly daft one way system so it’s really cramped and today I had the pram. Ahead of me was a woman whose Mum (I presume) was standing next to the bags with a pram while she looked at other stuff. In front of them was someone in a wheelchair so I stood and waited until they could move so I could pick the bag up.
The woman then walks back over to her Mum, spots the bag and picks it up. I said “Oh, I was going to get that, I’ve come back into town for it.”

Now in her position, what I’d have done was said on, here you go, and handed it over. However she just shrugged and said “oh, sorry.” And took it.

AIBU to think that’s a dick move and she should have let me have it?

OP posts:
wingingmywaythroughlife · 11/10/2021 12:13

@MrsRobbieHart

This bag wasn’t meant for you OP. It has escaped your grasp twice now. You must learn to read the signs of the universe. Perhaps this bag is cursed and you would be forever dealing with poonami’s every time you were out in public. Find another bag. Your perfect one is out there. Wink
Exactly what I'd have been thinking!
sunflowerstory · 11/10/2021 12:14

@AngeloMysterioso

What if you had got there first, picked it up, and someone said "Oh I was going to get that, I saw it yesterday" would you have handed it over?

Honestly, yes. I’m not a dick nice like that.

What's "nice" about attempting to guilt a stranger in a charity shop into handing over something that you have zero rights to, which they also want to buy? Are you sure you're "nice"?
Beautiful3 · 11/10/2021 12:14

No she was first. It's not yours just because you wanted it! Personally I wouldn't have said anything, she probably wasn't sure and might have put it back to think about it, at which point I would have snagged it! But you may have made her want it by saying it was yours!

vivainsomnia · 11/10/2021 12:14

Maybe she had much more of a need for the bag than you in which case the nice thing to do was definitely to let her have it.

Your definition of nice seems to be what people should do to please you, the very definition of someone entitled.

Winniemarysarah · 11/10/2021 12:14

The pp said she’d only give it to you because she’s a pushover. That’s not a good thing. If there’s one item left in a shop and two people want it, then it obviously goes to who ever picks it up first. Just because you missed out yesterday which caused you frustration, it doesn’t make her a ‘dick’ in the slightest. It doesn’t matter who saw it first or if someone went back for it, just don’t just hand over something you want to some person you don’t know because in their opinion they want it more. You’re coming across as very nasty and entitled, humanity isn’t in despair because someone wouldn’t let you get your own way over a charity shop bag 🙄

Cocomarine · 11/10/2021 12:14

@WalkingOnTheCracks 🤣🤣🤣

That actually does help me to empathise more with the OP though, as I’ve definitely had that “but it’s MINE!” feeling on eBay!

Twolostsoulsswimminginafishbow · 11/10/2021 12:14

You’re batshit and I’m a pushover for a sob story.

IsolaPribby · 11/10/2021 12:14

@AngeloMysterioso

Maybe she saw it yesterday, and had come back for it?

She went “ooh that’s a nice bag” and picked it up. Not indicative of someone who already knew it was there.

Perhaps if you had said nothing she may have considered the bag and put it back. But your comment about coming back for it suddenly made it so much more desirable, and she couldn't resist 😉
ChargingBuck · 11/10/2021 12:15

If her mum hadn’t been stood there blocking the only route through the shop I’d have got to it first.

Neither the mum or this woman knew that you were coming back for the bag, so it's hardly as if they were blocking you on purpose to get to the bag first.

As far as they are concerned, they went to a shop, saw a bag they liked, & bought it. Then some random chirps up that they had wanted to buy it. They responded like most people - "oh?" & continued buying the bag.

If you'd got there first, & bought the bag, but they told you they had seen it last Tuesday, so had special dibs on it, would you have given it up to them?

Of course you wouldn't.
The shop doesn't have a reservation policy.
You'll find a different bag.

tickledtiger · 11/10/2021 12:15

I’d have given it to you because I’m nice.

I disagree with you that you had any more right to it than she did. If she’d handed it over it would have been a favour.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 11/10/2021 12:15

Op, please answer why you couldn't get it the day before. Its a bag, with a strap, the whole point of a bag. It would have helped with 'arm space' not hindered Confused

godmum56 · 11/10/2021 12:16

get a grip! Its a second hand baby bag in a charity shop!

FluffyWhiteBird · 11/10/2021 12:16

@AngeloMysterioso

Can't expect people to be nice, no one is these days.

As evidenced by this thread!

Seriously, I’m the only person who would have not taken it if I’d been her?

The world is full of CFs who thinks they're entitled to something instead of you, or should have it cheaper than you're selling it/for free because (insert sob-story here), most of the time it's a lie, just a CF trying to get their own way. If I'm selling I decide the price based on what I want and if I'm buying the only factor is do I want it. Other people's stories don't come into it.
MegaClutterSlut · 11/10/2021 12:17

yabu she did get there first. You should've bought it the first time especially when it comes to charity shops but I get it would be annoying/frustrating to literally miss out on the bag by a few seconds

Whoami4 · 11/10/2021 12:17

Yabu. Anyone could have said I was “ just coming back to get that” or as someone else said she could have also come back for it. it wasn’t reserved for you and she got to it first.

It isn’t about being “ nice” either, in her position you probably wouldn’t have handed over the bag it’s nothing to do with being nice she got it first.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 11/10/2021 12:18

@AngeloMysterioso

Can't expect people to be nice, no one is these days.

As evidenced by this thread!

Seriously, I’m the only person who would have not taken it if I’d been her?

What's this about 'be nice?' What this tedious statement invariably means to those who utter it is that they expect the rest of the world to 'be nice' to them. It never seems to occur to them that this arrangement is reciprocal, or that 'being kind' doesn't mean ceding over your personal spaces, parking spaces and even would-be purchases because somebody else took a fancy to them too.

With that kind of gargantuan sense of entitlement I'm not buying for one minute the claim that you'd have meekly acquiesced to a stranger and handed the item over to her had the boot been on the other foot. 'Nice' or otherwise.

It was her purchase. It wasn't your item. If this thread isn't a wind-up (unconvinced) YABVU.

Cuddlyrottweiler · 11/10/2021 12:19

@AngeloMysterioso

What if you had got there first, picked it up, and someone said "Oh I was going to get that, I saw it yesterday" would you have handed it over?

Honestly, yes. I’m not a dick nice like that.

What? So if you had gone back for it. Picked it up, and someone behind had said "I want that" you'd have given them it. But you wanted to take it off someone else who had picked it up? How does your hierarchy of who should get things go? The person who doesn't have it should get it?
BlueThursday · 11/10/2021 12:19

@JesusInTheCabbageVan

Nothing to add - I just really need to find out why the OP couldn't have put her other stuff in the bag! Was the other stuff a chicken, a fox and a bag of grain which you had to get across a river?
Grin
Peanutbuttercupisyum · 11/10/2021 12:19

Well technically obviously she had a right to it..and was perfectly entitled to take it.
In actual real life of course she was being a bit horrid. Im sure most people would just be kind and let you have it! I know I would!

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 11/10/2021 12:19

The world is full of CFs who thinks they're entitled to something instead of you.

Isn't it just? The OP is one of them.

CuteGirlsWatchMeEatEther · 11/10/2021 12:19

Still waiting to hear why you couldn’t buy the bag and free up arm space by putting all your crap in it? That’s what bags are for

ALittleBitWorrriedNow · 11/10/2021 12:20

I would have found a way of taking it home yesterday…if it’s a bag, i’d have just put other stuff inside it.

anon12345678901 · 11/10/2021 12:21

@Peanutbuttercupisyum

Well technically obviously she had a right to it..and was perfectly entitled to take it. In actual real life of course she was being a bit horrid. Im sure most people would just be kind and let you have it! I know I would!
How was it horrid when she wanted it too? What would make OP more deserving of it? She wasn't horrid in anyway. She brought something she was wanted.
Lou98 · 11/10/2021 12:22

If her mum hadn’t been stood there blocking the only route through the shop I’d have got to it first.

Then why didn't you say excuse me? Or ask her to pass you the bag over since you knew what you were going for?

Sorry but she got there first, as it's a changing bag, could you not have managed it over your shoulder yesterday?

I personally think it's a bit odd going for a look round the charity shop when you knew you wouldn't actually be able to buy anything

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 11/10/2021 12:22

I think it’s been explained badly.

From what I understand you were standing politely waiting to pick this bag up, her Mum was in the way so you were waiting. She then saw the bag for the first time and picked it up. You then said “sorry I’m standing her waiting to pick up that bag- I’ve come into town especially “. And the she just shrugged and bought it.

I think in these circumstances she should have let you have it.

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