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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she ought to have let me have it?

835 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 11/10/2021 11:21

On my way home from town yesterday I popped into a charity shop for a browse and they had a lovely baby changing bag. I wanted to buy it but didn’t have the arm space for any more stuff and the woman who ran the shop said they couldn’t keep it for me, so I came back into town this morning to get it.
The charity shop still has a utterly daft one way system so it’s really cramped and today I had the pram. Ahead of me was a woman whose Mum (I presume) was standing next to the bags with a pram while she looked at other stuff. In front of them was someone in a wheelchair so I stood and waited until they could move so I could pick the bag up.
The woman then walks back over to her Mum, spots the bag and picks it up. I said “Oh, I was going to get that, I’ve come back into town for it.”

Now in her position, what I’d have done was said on, here you go, and handed it over. However she just shrugged and said “oh, sorry.” And took it.

AIBU to think that’s a dick move and she should have let me have it?

OP posts:
PjsOn · 11/10/2021 12:24

Why didn't you put the stuff you were carrying in the bag and buy it? I'm not sure why she should have let you have it? Would you have handed it over if you'd got there first and she asked??

WhoUsedMyName · 11/10/2021 12:24

These comments are funny. What if someone bought it in the time between you leaving the shop and returning would they be dicks? How would you know who had taken it? It's a bag presumably could have been hung on your pram or used to put your other stuff in yesterday?
I'm so confused Confused

Practicebeingpatient · 11/10/2021 12:25

I agree that it's annoying for you. I'd be gutted but of course she shouldn't have let you have it. She saw it and picked it up before you did so it's hers now.

I've spent the last 18 months coveting a piece of secondhand jewellery in a shop window near us. Not particularly expensive but too much to buy it for no particular reason. Last week I had a big birthday and DH and I went to the shop to see if they still had it. They did and now it's mine. YAY! We bought it and I love it but if someone else had been in the shop buying it when we tipped up I would have had to accept that it wasn't meant to be mine. Just like that nappy bag wasn't destined for you.

Original poster
AngeloMysterioso · 11/10/2021 12:25

@ZeroFuchsGiven

Op, please answer why you couldn't get it the day before. Its a bag, with a strap, the whole point of a bag. It would have helped with 'arm space' not hindered Confused
Honestly- because I needed to wait for my child benefit payment to come in today. Yesterday I didn’t have enough money left having already done the shopping when I went in. Which was why I asked if they could put it aside for me.

On top of that yes I was carrying three heavy full bags and was in pain in my back and bursting for a wee, so at the time I just couldn’t face waiting in the queue and then standing outside in the rain transferring a load of stuff from one bag to another before carrying on home. The shop was shutting so I thought I’d go back first thing today and get it- you know the rest.

Maybe I am BU but the whole vibe from her just felt a bit “oh soz it’s mine now, sucks to be you.”

OP posts:
Dahliadelight · 11/10/2021 12:26

You probably made her feel uncomfortable wanging on about coming back in to get the bag. Not very nice.

vivainsomnia · 11/10/2021 12:26

And respond to the house viewing analogy. Would love to hear you say you'd retract your offer!

FluffyWhiteBird · 11/10/2021 12:26

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

The world is full of CFs who thinks they're entitled to something instead of you.

Isn't it just? The OP is one of them.

Yup
Stoppochoco · 11/10/2021 12:26

@AngeloMysterioso

Can't expect people to be nice, no one is these days.

As evidenced by this thread!

Seriously, I’m the only person who would have not taken it if I’d been her?

That sucks op, hopefully you'll find a better one. Seriously, I’m the only person who would have not taken it if I’d been her? I think it would depend on how much I wanted the bag and if you had asked me nicely. First come first served so fuck you, is a bit of a twatty attitude imo.
Sweettea1 · 11/10/2021 12:26

Could you not just of said excuse me can i just get that bag or can you pass me that bag to the mum standing their 🤔

Original poster
AngeloMysterioso · 11/10/2021 12:27

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

I think it’s been explained badly.

From what I understand you were standing politely waiting to pick this bag up, her Mum was in the way so you were waiting. She then saw the bag for the first time and picked it up. You then said “sorry I’m standing her waiting to pick up that bag- I’ve come into town especially “. And the she just shrugged and bought it.

I think in these circumstances she should have let you have it.

That’s exactly it. Thanks
OP posts:
MrsRobbieHart · 11/10/2021 12:27

OP what are you currently using as a changing bag?

CuteGirlsWatchMeEatEther · 11/10/2021 12:28

@Peanutbuttercupisyum

Well technically obviously she had a right to it..and was perfectly entitled to take it. In actual real life of course she was being a bit horrid. Im sure most people would just be kind and let you have it! I know I would!
Being manipulated by entitled people isn’t “being kind” it’s called being a pushover.
SofiaMichelle · 11/10/2021 12:29

Which was why I asked if they could put it aside for me.

And there's entitlement number 2 - you wanted them to save it for you without paying them for it first?

I assumed you wanted to buy it and then pick it up later!

TheWoleb · 11/10/2021 12:29

You had full arms, really needed to go to the toilet, had no money left and an aching back... but you went for a browse around a shop?
What were you thinking?

Look, you couldn't afford it yesterday. Someone else bought it today. That's life.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 11/10/2021 12:30

Bad timing.

She may have thought you were lying you know. That you'd just seen the bag and wanted it and we're trying to guilt trip her.

Anyway, it's just a bag. It's a shame you missed out but there will be others. Maybe next time if you see something but can't take it you could offer to make an additional donation for them to hold it for you. You may find that even if they don't hold things normally because they'd end up with so much stuff held and no guarantees, they might hold it is you paid for it and or made an extra donation and said you'd be back the next day.

Icecreamsoda99 · 11/10/2021 12:30

In actual real life of course she was being a bit horrid.

How was she horrid? She didn't laugh in the OPs face or tell her she was going to buy it just to spite her though they had a million nappy bags at home.

vivainsomnia · 11/10/2021 12:30

That’s exactly it. Thanks
Not how you described it on your first post!

Bigeggsinapackoften · 11/10/2021 12:30

Your explanation makes it worse. They’re not going to put it aside if you don’t pay for it.

TheWoleb · 11/10/2021 12:31

Also, you had a pram with you. So you already have the baby? And that means you must already have a changing bag. You dont need a second one and it doesnt sound like you can afford to buy duplicates of things if you're down to nothing before your benefit payment.

anon12345678901 · 11/10/2021 12:31

You couldn't afford it yesterday. The woman could afford it today and got there first. You cannot ask a charity shop to hold something for you without paying for it so I'm not surprised they said no to it.

Original poster
AngeloMysterioso · 11/10/2021 12:31

First come first served so fuck you, is a bit of a twatty attitude imo

I agree, but it’s an attitude shared by the majority of people on this thread, apparently.

OP posts:
Beachbabe1 · 11/10/2021 12:31

Well at least you have learnt a lesson for your next shopping trip! Like it..buy it!! 🤣

FredaFox · 11/10/2021 12:31

@ZeroFuchsGiven

Op, please answer why you couldn't get it the day before. Its a bag, with a strap, the whole point of a bag. It would have helped with 'arm space' not hindered Confused
She did, she was waiting for her benefit money to go in today
MrsRobbieHart · 11/10/2021 12:32

You dont need a second one and it doesnt sound like you can afford to buy duplicates of things if you're down to nothing before your benefit payment.

Yeah this. Like I said OP, the universe is doing you a favour by not letting you spend money you can’t afford in bags you don’t need.

Gonnagetgoing · 11/10/2021 12:32

@AngeloMysterioso

What if you had got there first, picked it up, and someone said "Oh I was going to get that, I saw it yesterday" would you have handed it over?

Honestly, yes. I’m not a dick nice like that.

Yeah right! Course you would’ve done that! Hmm