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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she ought to have let me have it?

835 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 11/10/2021 11:21

On my way home from town yesterday I popped into a charity shop for a browse and they had a lovely baby changing bag. I wanted to buy it but didn’t have the arm space for any more stuff and the woman who ran the shop said they couldn’t keep it for me, so I came back into town this morning to get it.
The charity shop still has a utterly daft one way system so it’s really cramped and today I had the pram. Ahead of me was a woman whose Mum (I presume) was standing next to the bags with a pram while she looked at other stuff. In front of them was someone in a wheelchair so I stood and waited until they could move so I could pick the bag up.
The woman then walks back over to her Mum, spots the bag and picks it up. I said “Oh, I was going to get that, I’ve come back into town for it.”

Now in her position, what I’d have done was said on, here you go, and handed it over. However she just shrugged and said “oh, sorry.” And took it.

AIBU to think that’s a dick move and she should have let me have it?

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 11/10/2021 11:51

And calling someone a Dick for doing nothing wrong while saying how nice you are makes you a Dick

Pemmican · 11/10/2021 11:51

Maybe don't go browsing in charity shops when you don't have enough 'arm space' to by more crap?

Pemmican · 11/10/2021 11:51

*buy

Arsewangry · 11/10/2021 11:52

This happened to me once at a primary school
Bring and Buy sale. I found the most amazing barbie that I wanted to buy, I picked her up but set her back down to get my money out of my purse and DONNA from the year above me snatched her and bought her from under my nose. I still resent that.

floppybit · 11/10/2021 11:52

I've picked up something in a shop before and someone else has done what you did and said 'oh I wanted that!'. It's so weird! I cringe on their behalf as it's such an odd thing to do, it's a bloody shop and the things in there are for sale!! Not reserved by members of the public who haven't even paid for them. You are being very unreasonable.

LowbrowVictoriana · 11/10/2021 11:52

You both wanted it. She got there first.

I suppose there’s nothing wrong with a cheeky, hopeful “Oh I had my eye on that... I’ll take it if you don’t want it!” (Smile) but you can only hope, and it’s not unreasonable for the person who was in a position to buy first to then buy it.

Rovicha88 · 11/10/2021 11:52

YABU and entitled

StormyTeacups · 11/10/2021 11:53

How would she know you weren't blagging it? I'm surprised you said anything tbh.
Next time just buy it, bags have straps for a reason.

Perhaps when the answer is this unanimous your position isn't the right one?

Furrybootsyecomfy · 11/10/2021 11:53

@AngeloMysterioso

What if you had got there first, picked it up, and someone said "Oh I was going to get that, I saw it yesterday" would you have handed it over?

Honestly, yes. I’m not a dick nice like that.

OP always is “nice like that” on these type of threads. You’re obviously not that nice, because you’ve made a thread calling a stranger a dick on the internet, even though it’s your fault you don’t have the bag now. Maybe she saw it yesterday, and had come back for it?
vivainsomnia · 11/10/2021 11:53

Honestly, yes. I’m not a dick nice like that
Or maybe you think that now that you've experienced it from that perspective.

I expect like everyone else, if you'd picked something you'd really really liked and the person said you should hand it to them because they saw it the day before, you'd have thought that it was a pity for them but gone ahead and bought it.

Why does the person seeing it before trump's the person who has it first? Being nice doesn't mean you should sacrifice yourself because someone else believe to be more entitled.

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 11/10/2021 11:55

@AngeloMysterioso

What if you had got there first, picked it up, and someone said "Oh I was going to get that, I saw it yesterday" would you have handed it over?

Honestly, yes. I’m not a dick nice like that.

You can't have wanted the bag that badly then, this woman clearly did 🤷‍♀️
ElizaDarcysDeeds · 11/10/2021 11:56

It's a bit odd that you're expecting us to believe you'd have given to her if the situation was reversed since you're so annoyed at a stranger buying a bag that you've started a thread on MN about it.
From her pov, you hadn't said anything then as soon as she picked it up, you said you wanted it. Also you don't know that she'd just spotted it. Maybe that was why her mum was standing there.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 11/10/2021 11:56

Nothing to add - I just really need to find out why the OP couldn't have put her other stuff in the bag! Was the other stuff a chicken, a fox and a bag of grain which you had to get across a river?

vivainsomnia · 11/10/2021 11:56

Look at it from a house buying perspective. You go and view a house with your partner, really really like it and decide to make an offer on it. Then someone runs in, say they saw it yesterday, but couldn't make an offer because she wanted to talk to her husband first, but now wants to make an offer so demands you take yours back because her seeing the house first makes her more entitled.

Do you really want to convince her that you would indeed take your offer back in this instance? Because it would be very hard to believe!

HoppingPavlova · 11/10/2021 11:56

But what if you had gone back to the shop to find it gone? Anyone could have purchased before you got there!

Another struggling to understand how the bag was that great but you couldn’t have found a way to carry it the day before by putting other things in it or you putting it in something else that was bigger or finding a way to carry it (assuming it had straps?)?

ZombeaArthur · 11/10/2021 11:57

I’m struggling to understand what is nice about trying to guilt a stranger into handing over merchandise which they legitimately got to first. Or calling a stranger a dick for making a purchase in a shop.

Squeakycatflap · 11/10/2021 11:58

This is where I find a smelly fart works wonders when I need to get to something being blocked by randoms.

Original poster
AngeloMysterioso · 11/10/2021 11:58

Maybe she saw it yesterday, and had come back for it?

She went “ooh that’s a nice bag” and picked it up. Not indicative of someone who already knew it was there.

OP posts:
Crimblecrumble1990 · 11/10/2021 11:58

I would have given it to you OP. If I had literally just picked it up then definitely. Had i been walking around with it having selected it to buy then maybe not. But then again I am a bit of a push over in life :)

Offmyfence · 11/10/2021 11:58

@JesusInTheCabbageVan

Nothing to add - I just really need to find out why the OP couldn't have put her other stuff in the bag! Was the other stuff a chicken, a fox and a bag of grain which you had to get across a river?
😂 😂
CiaoForDiNiaoSaur · 11/10/2021 11:58

@Arsewangry

This happened to me once at a primary school Bring and Buy sale. I found the most amazing barbie that I wanted to buy, I picked her up but set her back down to get my money out of my purse and DONNA from the year above me snatched her and bought her from under my nose. I still resent that.
@AngeloMysterioso I can see why you're annoyed as you made the trip specially. But unfortunately that's life.

@Arsewangry this reminds me of when a friend and I were in a charity shop a while ago. Both browsing the books and I spotted one I'd wanted to read for a while. Asked her if she could pass it to me as she was between me and the book. She picked it up, looked at it, said "oh DS will love this. Ill get it for him" Shock She hadn't even heard of it before that moment so likely wouldn't have clocked it had I not asked her for it.

Milkbottlelegs · 11/10/2021 11:59

You sound like the kind of person that will physically fight over something in the sales. Or get into a slanging match over a space in the car park.

TheWoleb · 11/10/2021 11:59

How could you not have space to carry it? It's a bag with a shoulder strap. You put your stuff down, put the strap across your body and then pick your stuff up. Or you could put stuff in it. Or just hook it over your arm and get on with walking.

You made it difficult by not figuring out that a bad isnt hard to carry. She got there first, she wanted it. End of.

Blackberrybunnet · 11/10/2021 11:59

@forrestgreen

Surely you could have put some of the stuff you already had in your new bag??
Just so
PeppermintMocha · 11/10/2021 11:59

Being nice/being a dick isn't a binary choice!

Just because someone didn't choose to do a particularly nice thing for you that she had no moral or legal obligation to do, doesn't make her a dick. It just means she didn't go out of her way to be extra kind at that particular moment - she was neutral, did the normal and expected thing of buying something she wanted and had seen first.

how was she even to know that you had definitely seen it yesterday and tried to buy it?! She might well be thinking she is too nice most of the time believing sob stories, and decided to not be taken for a mug this time, or some other thought process. You have no idea.

On the other hand, complaining about her being a dick, and wanting her to give up something that she would like to have, kind of IS a dickish move on your part.

(And maybe she had seen it two days ago...)

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