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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think she ought to have let me have it?

835 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 11/10/2021 11:21

On my way home from town yesterday I popped into a charity shop for a browse and they had a lovely baby changing bag. I wanted to buy it but didn’t have the arm space for any more stuff and the woman who ran the shop said they couldn’t keep it for me, so I came back into town this morning to get it.
The charity shop still has a utterly daft one way system so it’s really cramped and today I had the pram. Ahead of me was a woman whose Mum (I presume) was standing next to the bags with a pram while she looked at other stuff. In front of them was someone in a wheelchair so I stood and waited until they could move so I could pick the bag up.
The woman then walks back over to her Mum, spots the bag and picks it up. I said “Oh, I was going to get that, I’ve come back into town for it.”

Now in her position, what I’d have done was said on, here you go, and handed it over. However she just shrugged and said “oh, sorry.” And took it.

AIBU to think that’s a dick move and she should have let me have it?

OP posts:

Fraine · 14/10/2021 13:46

And I am not a sheep either, why because the majority of people think OP is out of order are we sheep?

The sheep comment was in response to someone who kept banging on about the vote.

It’s ok that OP asked. You don’t ask you don’t get. Did I begrudge the person asking me to hand over the items I nabbed first at the market?

No, I admired their chutzpah but I still said no.

I can see why OP is gutted and venting here and this place is always a safe place to call someone a dick anonymously even when you probably know they weren’t really a dick.

I think OP would have felt worse if she didn’t ask.

GreyhoundG1rl · 14/10/2021 13:51

this place is always a safe place to call someone a dick anonymously even when you probably know they weren’t really a dick.
A safe place? Anyone reading her thread could ascertain perfectly well that the other woman was far from a dick, so I'm not sure where your safe space thing is going?

Do you think we should have agreed to make op feel better?

TheKeatingFive · 14/10/2021 13:53

It’s ok that OP asked

The vast majority don't agree with you on that. Retail operates on a clear set of rules. One of them is that 'seeing it yesterday' doesn't give you any rights over the person who has it in their hand about to buy it.

You don’t ask you don’t get.

I don't generally mind a bit of light hearted pushing one's luck. But calling the woman a dick for saying no indicates a high degree of entitlement to things that the OP had no claim over.

TheKeatingFive · 14/10/2021 13:54

I think OP would have felt worse if she didn’t ask.

Only because she's massively entitled and rude. But I don't think posting on here gave her the closure she was looking for.

ModerateOven · 14/10/2021 13:57

This thread has everything!

I'm embarrassed at how entertaining I've found it. I work in a charity shop and every time I'm there at least one person will come in and ask about something they saw yesterday or the day before. Pick it up and buy it folks, it will be gone tomorrow. Usually. Unless it's something really rubbish that nobody else would want.

Somethingsnappy · 14/10/2021 14:27

I wonder if the OP has found a new bag yet. Perhaps the other woman bought it to sell on ebay, and the OP will spot it there and buy it. Happy ending!

Somethingsnappy · 14/10/2021 14:28

P. S. Although I wouldn't like to be on the receiving end of the review that may follow...

tigger1001 · 14/10/2021 15:56

"It’s ok that OP asked. You don’t ask you don’t get."

No. It really not ok that the op asked. This is really not a if you don't ask you don't get kind of scenario. That's just cheeky, rude and entitled behaviour. It's never ok to attempt to guilt someone into giving something to you simply because you feel you have more right to it than they do.

I would never have let my kids behave in such an entitled way and it certainly isn't a good look for an adult.

The reality is the op was really lucky that the woman just gave her a "sorry" and carried on. A lot of times the answer would have been a lot more plainly spoken.

XenoBitch · 14/10/2021 16:30

@Somethingsnappy

I wonder if the OP has found a new bag yet. Perhaps the other woman bought it to sell on ebay, and the OP will spot it there and buy it. Happy ending!

There was a thread on here not too long ago about buying charity shop items and selling them on eBay. It got just as daft as this one!

Offmyfence · 14/10/2021 16:35

@Fraine

And I am not a sheep either, why because the majority of people think OP is out of order are we sheep?

The sheep comment was in response to someone who kept banging on about the vote.

It’s ok that OP asked. You don’t ask you don’t get. Did I begrudge the person asking me to hand over the items I nabbed first at the market?

No, I admired their chutzpah but I still said no.

I can see why OP is gutted and venting here and this place is always a safe place to call someone a dick anonymously even when you probably know they weren’t really a dick.

I think OP would have felt worse if she didn’t ask.

I also quoted the stats because they're massively relevant! Still doesn't make me a sheep. But thank you so much for the character analysis.

You didn't comment on the rest of my post? Did you see the point about the other woman having a baby? It's very relevant don't you think? This was a mother wanting to buy a changing bag for using with a baby that presumably was in the pram? With money she actually had? Not someone shopping for a forthcoming baby with money she didn't have at the time needed.

Fraine · 14/10/2021 18:09

@Offmyfence what are you about? I sis I’m not a sheep, I didn’t say anything about you being a sheep. Bah.

You don’t know the other woman has a baby, she could be planning to gift it or sell it, both are valid choices.

GreyhoundG1rl · 14/10/2021 18:11

You don’t know the other woman has a baby, she could be planning to gift it or sell it, both are valid choices.
Op said the other woman had a pram. It's a fairly logical conclusion that there was a baby in it.

CiaoForDiNiaoSaur · 14/10/2021 18:17

@GreyhoundG1rl

You don’t know the other woman has a baby, she could be planning to gift it or sell it, both are valid choices. Op said the other woman had a pram. It's a fairly logical conclusion that there was a baby in it.

Maybe she pushed an empty pram around so she never ran out of arm space for all her charity shop bargains

GreyhoundG1rl · 14/10/2021 18:19

DrSbaitso · 14/10/2021 18:33

There was a thread on here not too long ago about buying charity shop items and selling them on eBay. It got just as daft as this one!

It was brilliant. Some woman with a Lady Bountiful complex, who was angry that she couldn't ensure that only the most deserving poor would purchase her cast-offs got told to "make them sign a pledge to treasure your shite".

I didn't spit tea across my keyboard, or roll on the floor, but I did laugh out loud.

Serrina · 14/10/2021 18:44

Note to OP: chalk it up to experience, you snooze you lose. Then next time you get your child benefit, save a couple of pounds each week (roughly about the same amount you'd have spent on this bag second hand) and in a few weeks you should be able to buy the same bag brand new. All in time for when the baby arrives.
Simples

Offmyfence · 14/10/2021 18:55

[quote Fraine]@Offmyfence what are you about? I sis I’m not a sheep, I didn’t say anything about you being a sheep. Bah.

You don’t know the other woman has a baby, she could be planning to gift it or sell it, both are valid choices.[/quote]
And had a pram just by coincidence??

Best comment yet!!

Offmyfence · 14/10/2021 18:56

Maybe she pushed an empty pram around so she never ran out of arm space for all her charity shop bargains
*
*
Genius comment!!!

Fraine · 14/10/2021 19:02

I meant that maybe she didn’t need the baby bag and wanted to sell it or gift it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Y’all love inventing back stories for people so just joining in

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 14/10/2021 19:18

[quote Fraine]@Offmyfence what are you about? I sis I’m not a sheep, I didn’t say anything about you being a sheep. Bah.

You don’t know the other woman has a baby, she could be planning to gift it or sell it, both are valid choices.[/quote]
You say you're not a sheep, but then you say bah. What are we meant to believe?

CiaoForDiNiaoSaur · 14/10/2021 19:19

@Offmyfence

Maybe she pushed an empty pram around so she never ran out of arm space for all her charity shop bargains * * Genius comment!!!

A pram to load my shopping into is almost worth having a 3rd child for

Offmyfence · 14/10/2021 19:20

@Fraine

I meant that maybe she didn’t need the baby bag and wanted to sell it or gift it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Y’all love inventing back stories for people so just joining in

Maybe they're all sheep bah!

LovePoppy · 15/10/2021 16:48

I’m curious how many people who think the other woman should have given up the bag to be nice, also think That a woman should sleep with a nice guy because he’s just been so nice to her? I’m betting it’s pretty slim.

So why all the focus on niceness?

Just another way to belittle women being assertive for what they want.

wildchild554 · 16/10/2021 17:48

yabu but for future reference, charity shops usually will hang on to something for you till the next day if you pay for it.

Jackx80 · 16/10/2021 17:57

First come first served

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