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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think she ought to have let me have it?

835 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 11/10/2021 11:21

On my way home from town yesterday I popped into a charity shop for a browse and they had a lovely baby changing bag. I wanted to buy it but didn’t have the arm space for any more stuff and the woman who ran the shop said they couldn’t keep it for me, so I came back into town this morning to get it.
The charity shop still has a utterly daft one way system so it’s really cramped and today I had the pram. Ahead of me was a woman whose Mum (I presume) was standing next to the bags with a pram while she looked at other stuff. In front of them was someone in a wheelchair so I stood and waited until they could move so I could pick the bag up.
The woman then walks back over to her Mum, spots the bag and picks it up. I said “Oh, I was going to get that, I’ve come back into town for it.”

Now in her position, what I’d have done was said on, here you go, and handed it over. However she just shrugged and said “oh, sorry.” And took it.

AIBU to think that’s a dick move and she should have let me have it?

OP posts:

Fraine · 14/10/2021 07:24

@TheKeatingFive

Op didn't call the woman a dick in the shop

She called her one on here. For not handing over something that the woman had every right to buy.

So yes, this thread is nasty and full of bullies.

The six year olds I mentioned earlier have a much stronger grasp of social etiquette and how to behave in the real world than the OP and some of her cheerleaders on here.

Having a different opinion doesn’t make you a cheerleader.

You seem to be picking on people like 6yos do though.

OP is disappointed and venting, it’s possible to understand that whilst knowing she’s BU.

TheKeatingFive · 14/10/2021 07:34

OP is disappointed and venting, it’s possible to understand that whilst knowing she’s BU

If she'd started a thread to say 'I could kick myself for not picking it up yesterday / getting there sooner' she would have had lots of empathy.

But she didn't.

She started a thread to say 'don't you think the woman should have handed it over and isn't she a dick for not doing so'.

Can't you see the difference?

And neither you nor the OP nor anyone else have answered the question about what rights the OP thinks 'seeing it yesterday' should give her?

As another poster pointed out how does she know the other woman didn't see it yesterday also?

TheKeatingFive · 14/10/2021 07:37

Also read the room. 94% unreasonable is a strong statement.

Fraine · 14/10/2021 07:40

The thread is massive, I’ve not read all posts.

I’ve already said upthread that in a similar situation, I refused to hand over the goods as well, and OP is technically being BU.

But she isn’t BU to feel gutted and express that on an anonymous forum. If she had had a go at the woman, that would be completely unacceptable.

I doubt the person who I refused had charitable thoughts towards me and I really wouldn’t care if they said as much on a forum.

TheKeatingFive · 14/10/2021 07:44

But she isn’t BU to feel gutted and express that on an anonymous forum

If she'd done simply that, it would be fine. But she didn't.

She is BU to think she had rights to the bag greater than the woman.

Which she clearly does as she expected it to be handed over. And called her a dick.

The voting percentages are at the top of the thread.

Fraine · 14/10/2021 08:02

You keep talking about voting percentages, I really don’t care about that stuff, I’m not a sheep led by the majority

Nowhere did OP say she had more right to the bag, just that she would have given it to her if roles were reversed.

She’s pregnant, she was waiting for her child benefit to come through and crucially - her politeness prevented her from pushing through and grabbing the bag.

Plenty of reasons for me to sympathise.

MRex · 14/10/2021 08:13

@Fraine - the only point of this thread was to ask for everyone to criticise a woman for a "dick move". OP didn't ask you to sympathise, she asked you to criticise another young mother for nothing at all.

TheKeatingFive · 14/10/2021 08:17

Nowhere did OP say she had more right to the bag, just that she would have given it to her if roles were reversed

The act of addressing the woman, holding a bag in a shop, which she's perfectly entitled to do, indicated that she felt she had a right. I don't know anyone who would dream of doing that.

She’s pregnant, she was waiting for her child benefit to come through and crucially - her politeness prevented her from pushing through and grabbing the bag

The fact that not pushing and grabbing in a shop is being presented as 'politeness' by the OP says it all really. Everyone I know knows better than to push past people in shops. But then the OPs idea of what's polite has consistently surprised me.

And the fact that she's pregnant/waiting for benefits doesn't give her more rights to buy something that takes her fancy than the woman who picked it up first.

As for the votes, it's not about being a sheep, but understanding how social norms work. Important to know when you're way off.

GreyhoundG1rl · 14/10/2021 08:18

her politeness prevented her from pushing through and grabbing the bag.
Shame this politeness didn't prevent her from trying to guilt the other woman into thinking she had a prior claim on it because she saw it yesterday.

SoupDragon · 14/10/2021 08:28

Nowhere did OP say she had more right to the bag, just that she would have given it to her if roles were reversed.

Right there in the opening post she said the woman should have given her the bag.

tigger1001 · 14/10/2021 08:40

@Fraine

You keep talking about voting percentages, I really don’t care about that stuff, I’m not a sheep led by the majority

Nowhere did OP say she had more right to the bag, just that she would have given it to her if roles were reversed.

She’s pregnant, she was waiting for her child benefit to come through and crucially - her politeness prevented her from pushing through and grabbing the bag.

Plenty of reasons for me to sympathise.

The op was all about how the other shopper was a dick for not giving her the bag - that's the whole point of the thread. Should the other woman have given her the bag. Not that she was disappointed and moved on

Offmyfence · 14/10/2021 09:27

@Fraine

You keep talking about voting percentages, I really don’t care about that stuff, I’m not a sheep led by the majority

Nowhere did OP say she had more right to the bag, just that she would have given it to her if roles were reversed.

She’s pregnant, she was waiting for her child benefit to come through and crucially - her politeness prevented her from pushing through and grabbing the bag.

Plenty of reasons for me to sympathise.

And I am not a sheep either, why because the majority of people think OP is out of order are we sheep?

Well yes she is pregnant, what about if the other woman perhaps she had a new born (as her mother was standing with a pram), so her need is greater surely? I mean the baby has actually arrived and OP still has time?

OP said the woman couldn't move because she had a wheelchair in front of her, she wasn't just idly standing there.

It's not polite not too push through and grab a bag, it's common courtesy to wait in a queue.

Lastly, maybe the other mum had also just received her child benefit and then decided to go shopping and buy some bits for her baby, much more sensible than going shopping with no money in your purse.

notacooldad · 14/10/2021 09:27

Can't believe people are so invested in minor incident incident a charity shop over a second hand changing bag!😂😂😂😂
This thread has everything!

Offmyfence · 14/10/2021 09:30

[quote MRex]@Fraine - the only point of this thread was to ask for everyone to criticise a woman for a "dick move". OP didn't ask you to sympathise, she asked you to criticise another young mother for nothing at all.[/quote]
Absolutely!!

DrSbaitso · 14/10/2021 11:10

Nowhere did OP say she had more right to the bag, just that she would have given it to her if roles were reversed.

But she didn't just let her have it without challenge when the roles weren't reversed.

SoupDragon · 14/10/2021 11:17

@notacooldad

Can't believe people are so invested in minor incident incident a charity shop over a second hand changing bag!😂😂😂😂 This thread has everything!

In my defence, the alternative is Chores.

GreyhoundG1rl · 14/10/2021 11:28

We're all on here as an avoidance tactic

tigger1001 · 14/10/2021 11:33

@GreyhoundG1rl

We're all on here as an avoidance tactic

Yep! I'm avoiding studying. Am in holiday from work but supposed to be studying... going so well🙈

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 14/10/2021 11:48

Plus MN just deleted the only other interesting thread so we're all back on here now

TorchFire · 14/10/2021 11:55

@GreyhoundG1rl

We're all on here as an avoidance tactic

Yes, there's a book I'm supposed to be finishing, sitting there staring at me on the other tab.

TorchFire · 14/10/2021 12:04

@JesusInTheCabbageVan

Plus MN just deleted the only other interesting thread so we're all back on here now

What was the only other interesting thread, incidentally?

notacooldad · 14/10/2021 12:09

In my defence, the alternative is Chores
Yeah me as well, if I'm being honest!🤣🤣🤣

I also want to see if there are any more bat shit crazy theories about who should have the bag and why and wondering if I need to re read to see if the person in the wheel chair was called a dick along with everyone else!!

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 14/10/2021 12:19

@TorchFire the one about running over Insulate Britain protesters took an interesting and unexpected turn! Will pm you in a moment.

ModerateOven · 14/10/2021 13:04

It's very likely she was taken aback by the brass neck of someone trying to guilt her out of her purchase

I agree, it's such a very odd thing to do. To expect someone to just hand it over cos you want it and you saw it yesterday so it's morally yours. I would have thought it somewhat north of normal

ModerateOven · 14/10/2021 13:37

if you'd set your heart on something, just quietly exit the building

Of course that's what normal people do. I've done it loads of times just like most people on here. At most I might mutter "Aww bugger" under my breath. Fortunately 94% of readers of this thread agree it's not normal to accost innocent shoppers and lay claim to goods they have in their hands and are about to purchase.

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