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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she ought to have let me have it?

835 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 11/10/2021 11:21

On my way home from town yesterday I popped into a charity shop for a browse and they had a lovely baby changing bag. I wanted to buy it but didn’t have the arm space for any more stuff and the woman who ran the shop said they couldn’t keep it for me, so I came back into town this morning to get it.
The charity shop still has a utterly daft one way system so it’s really cramped and today I had the pram. Ahead of me was a woman whose Mum (I presume) was standing next to the bags with a pram while she looked at other stuff. In front of them was someone in a wheelchair so I stood and waited until they could move so I could pick the bag up.
The woman then walks back over to her Mum, spots the bag and picks it up. I said “Oh, I was going to get that, I’ve come back into town for it.”

Now in her position, what I’d have done was said on, here you go, and handed it over. However she just shrugged and said “oh, sorry.” And took it.

AIBU to think that’s a dick move and she should have let me have it?

OP posts:
Stoppochoco · 13/10/2021 22:42

Of course I have, don't he ridiculous. But not to lay claim to the item they're about to buy. I really honestly think people need more socialising if they think this is acceptable behaviour

Not a peep, if you'd set your heart on something, just quietly exit the building ?

Because she expected the woman to hand it over (remember she called her a duck when she didn't). I wouldn't have thought that needed explaining

I think the op was upset about the other customer shrugging at her, after she explained herself, as I would be in similar circumstances.

Well super. Most of the rest of us would be totally taken aback by such rudeness

No not getting how that statement is rude. The Oh, would soften the proceeding statement. If it was Oi, then that would be rude, but I would not some away from that interacion thinking anything bad about the op.

Just a nasty thread full of bullies.

Stoppochoco · 13/10/2021 22:42

@DrSbaitso

Sorry. I really like it and want to buy it.

How is this significantly different from a shrug and "oh, sorry"?

They communicate the exact same message with the exact same tone.

They really don't.
GreyhoundG1rl · 13/10/2021 22:47

A random stranger intent on perfectly reasonably buying an item in a shop owes you nothing like the sort of interaction you seem to be advocating, Stoppochoco Confused

Stoppochoco · 13/10/2021 22:55

@GreyhoundG1rl

A random stranger intent on perfectly reasonably buying an item in a shop owes you nothing like the sort of interaction you seem to be advocating, Stoppochoco Confused
Sorry. I really like it and want to buy it.

?

GreyhoundG1rl · 13/10/2021 22:59

Sorry. I really like it and want to buy it.
No Confused. Really.

Are you one of those people who talks at complete strangers on buses, not understanding that they are not obligated to engage with you?

TheKeatingFive · 13/10/2021 23:00

if you'd set your heart on something, just quietly exit the building

Well yes, because I have no business setting my heart on something that I've yet to pay for. I really do not understand why this is a difficult concept for certain people.

I think the op was upset about the other customer shrugging at her

If she's upset by a shrug perhaps she shouldn't take on strangers doing reasonable things like wanting to buy things for sale in shops and suggest they give them up for her.

No not getting how that statement is rude

Well there's your problem right there, but you still haven't answered by what rights the OP thinks she had a stronger claim to the item.

TheKeatingFive · 13/10/2021 23:02

I mean, I'd understand a six year old who felt that 'setting her heart' on something gave her rights to it.

But a grown woman not understanding that you have to exchange money to have a claim on something in a shop is just very odd behaviour.

Raaaaaaarr · 13/10/2021 23:04

Yes I would have handed it to you. Some people are just a bit mean.

TheKeatingFive · 13/10/2021 23:05

Just a nasty thread full of bullies.

Let's remind everyone who called a stranger a dick for wanting to buy something for sale in a shop, shall we?

Stoppochoco · 13/10/2021 23:08

*if you'd set your heart on something, just quietly exit the building

Well yes, because I have no business setting my heart on something that I've yet to pay for. I really do not understand why this is a difficult concept for certain people.*

Yet earlier you said you would be disappointed. Its ok to have feeling and stuff, even as adult.

TheKeatingFive · 13/10/2021 23:09

Yet earlier you said you would be disappointed.

Well sure. But in the sense of 'if only I'd gotten there sooner', not in the sense of 'that woman should give it to me'.

Stoppochoco · 13/10/2021 23:11

@TheKeatingFive

Just a nasty thread full of bullies.

Let's remind everyone who called a stranger a dick for wanting to buy something for sale in a shop, shall we?

Op didn't call the woman a dick in the shop, but plenty have piled on to speculate about the ops personality and have called her a few choice names. Like I said, you don't know what is going on in someone's life. So yes, this thread is nasty and full of bullies.
TheKeatingFive · 13/10/2021 23:15

Op didn't call the woman a dick in the shop

She called her one on here. For not handing over something that the woman had every right to buy.

So yes, this thread is nasty and full of bullies.

The six year olds I mentioned earlier have a much stronger grasp of social etiquette and how to behave in the real world than the OP and some of her cheerleaders on here.

CorianderAndCream · 13/10/2021 23:16

Yeah tbh I would have given it to you. But you really should've told her mum to budge

Offmyfence · 13/10/2021 23:19

@Stoppochoco she called the woman a dick on this thread! She also was moaning had the mother not been stood their blocking the only route she would've been able to get to the bag, but by her own admission she was waiting for the wheelchair user in front to move. It was like she was blaming the woman for not being able to move forward in the one way system, it was ridiculous.

OP doesn't think anyone that disagrees with her has manners, that's pretty rude also.

She asked was she being unreasonable, 96% said yes she was, but she's still insisted she wasn't.

And no one knows what the woman that did buy it has going on either.

Offmyfence · 13/10/2021 23:19

@CorianderAndCream

Yeah tbh I would have given it to you. But you really should've told her mum to budge
She couldn't budge as she was behind a wheelchair user in a one way system.
Holskey · 13/10/2021 23:20

She selected a bag that was on sale, available to buy, and clearly not owned by you. You tried to claim it from her. I think you're the rude one in this scenario.

You should have let her have the bag, without the awkward challenge.

GreyhoundG1rl · 13/10/2021 23:22

I would have definitely let you had it. Suppose I am polite
That's how you'd define polite?

XenoBitch · 13/10/2021 23:26

YABVU.
The woman you called a dick might have also spotted the bag yesterday, and went back for it.
Such is the way of charity shops (and TK Maxx)... you snooze, you lose.

Serrina · 14/10/2021 00:48

@Bigeggsinapackoften

Please don’t use that horrible insult.
Seriously? Hmm
LovePoppy · 14/10/2021 02:04

@Stoppochoco

Of course I have, don't he ridiculous. But not to lay claim to the item they're about to buy. I really honestly think people need more socialising if they think this is acceptable behaviour

Not a peep, if you'd set your heart on something, just quietly exit the building ?

Because she expected the woman to hand it over (remember she called her a duck when she didn't). I wouldn't have thought that needed explaining

I think the op was upset about the other customer shrugging at her, after she explained herself, as I would be in similar circumstances.

Well super. Most of the rest of us would be totally taken aback by such rudeness

No not getting how that statement is rude. The Oh, would soften the proceeding statement. If it was Oi, then that would be rude, but I would not some away from that interacion thinking anything bad about the op.

Just a nasty thread full of bullies.

Yes, you really do leave saying nothing. Why would you say anything unless you hoped they’d hand over the item?

Why do you think they’d hand it over? Because society has said guilt=being nice, and if you ask for things you should get them.

The other shopper didn’t owe OP anything. Especially after she tried to start a conversation leading to being given the bag.

DrSbaitso · 14/10/2021 06:50

They really don't.

Why not?

SoupDragon · 14/10/2021 07:01

No not getting how that statement is rude.

Because her intent was to guilt trip the woman into handing it over. That is rude. Far more rude than the woman who simply refused to be pressured into giving up the bag.

tigger1001 · 14/10/2021 07:14

@Stoppochoco

Of course I have, don't he ridiculous. But not to lay claim to the item they're about to buy. I really honestly think people need more socialising if they think this is acceptable behaviour

Not a peep, if you'd set your heart on something, just quietly exit the building ?

Because she expected the woman to hand it over (remember she called her a duck when she didn't). I wouldn't have thought that needed explaining

I think the op was upset about the other customer shrugging at her, after she explained herself, as I would be in similar circumstances.

Well super. Most of the rest of us would be totally taken aback by such rudeness

No not getting how that statement is rude. The Oh, would soften the proceeding statement. If it was Oi, then that would be rude, but I would not some away from that interacion thinking anything bad about the op.

Just a nasty thread full of bullies.

So you think it's acceptable to tell someone in a shop that you wanted the item that they are about to buy? Really? And you don't think that's rude?

The op told the shopper that to guilt her into handing the bag over. That's what this thread is about. The op thinks the shopper is a dick for not doing so. It wasn't about the shoppers reaction (other than not handing the bag over) . If you cannot see that in this situation it's the op who was rude and approaching someone in a shop who is minding their own business with an expectation of them just handing over their intended purchase is very odd entitled behaviour then that's quite telling. Add in that after then encounter the apparent expectation that it's on this random shopper to manage the op's disappointment and engage with her, while giving explanations as to why you won't giver her the bag. It's very odd behaviour.

No one is saying you can't be disappointed - but it's on you to manage that disappointment, not on a stranger in a shop.

The lady did acknowledge the op and said sorry (ie I'm not handing over the bag) and yet has received a character assassination online. Been called a dick, a twat, rude, lacking manners etc. Yet the people saying the op was in the wrong are the bullies.....

And just because people disagree with you doesn't make them bullies. Stop with the dramatic language.

Once again it's interesting that the random shopper should have been "nice" to the op as no one knows what's going on in her life. True. But the reverse is also true. No one knows what was going on in the shoppers life either. Yet it's apparently ok to call her a dick for absolutely no reason.

SoupDragon · 14/10/2021 07:19

Yet the people saying the op was in the wrong are the bullies.....

Plus they were all basically called rude and ill-mannered by the OP when they disagreed with her

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