Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she ought to have let me have it?

835 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 11/10/2021 11:21

On my way home from town yesterday I popped into a charity shop for a browse and they had a lovely baby changing bag. I wanted to buy it but didn’t have the arm space for any more stuff and the woman who ran the shop said they couldn’t keep it for me, so I came back into town this morning to get it.
The charity shop still has a utterly daft one way system so it’s really cramped and today I had the pram. Ahead of me was a woman whose Mum (I presume) was standing next to the bags with a pram while she looked at other stuff. In front of them was someone in a wheelchair so I stood and waited until they could move so I could pick the bag up.
The woman then walks back over to her Mum, spots the bag and picks it up. I said “Oh, I was going to get that, I’ve come back into town for it.”

Now in her position, what I’d have done was said on, here you go, and handed it over. However she just shrugged and said “oh, sorry.” And took it.

AIBU to think that’s a dick move and she should have let me have it?

OP posts:
TheKeatingFive · 13/10/2021 21:29

its about the other customer acknowledging the op is disappointed

The OP is 'disappointed' because someone picked up something before her in a shop. I wouldn't accept that as a legitimate reason to be disappointed if it was a small child, let alone a grown woman.

tigger1001 · 13/10/2021 21:30

@Stoppochoco

The op is entitled to feel disappointed. She was not entitled to make someone else feel guilty. She is not entitled to have a stranger make her feel better about that disappointment. She was being very cheeky and rude at asking for the bag. Her behaviour was very entitled.

Its not about making someone feel guilty, its about the other customer acknowledging the op is disappointed, with something other than a shrug. That is arsey if someone has just explained they were about to buy something, even without the backstory.

No. What's arsey and entitled is actually asking for it from the other customer, thinking they had more entitlement to it than the other shopper.

It's not on anyone else to deal with the op's disappointment.

The op was caught out in a lie on this thread, who's to say she is telling the truth about the reaction of the shopper in the first place?

tigger1001 · 13/10/2021 21:32

@DrSbaitso

No.

So what response, apart from indifference, should she have given?

Isn't it a bit weird to make a show of concern and still do it anyway?

I agree. I think it would be very difficult to be concerned without coming across as completely condescending.
Stoppochoco · 13/10/2021 21:34

@TheKeatingFive

its about the other customer acknowledging the op is disappointed

The OP is 'disappointed' because someone picked up something before her in a shop. I wouldn't accept that as a legitimate reason to be disappointed if it was a small child, let alone a grown woman.

So you wouldn't be disappointed if you'd gone out of your way to buy something, only to be beaten to it at the last moment. Wouldn't feel anything at all ?
HalzTangz · 13/10/2021 21:34

She picked it up first, for all she knows you could have just been trying to pull a guilt trip with the 'but I came especially for it' line.
What would you have done if someone bought it after you left the store the day before. It would still result in a wasted trip the next morning

HalzTangz · 13/10/2021 21:37

@AngeloMysterioso

What if you had got there first, picked it up, and someone said "Oh I was going to get that, I saw it yesterday" would you have handed it over?

Honestly, yes. I’m not a dick nice like that.

Yet you're being a dick by writing a post because someone bought it first
TheKeatingFive · 13/10/2021 21:37

So you wouldn't be disappointed if you'd gone out of your way to buy something, only to be beaten to it at the last moment. Wouldn't feel anything at all ?

I would understand that this is how shops work and I would get over myself. Because I'm a grown up.

I certainly wouldn't expect a stranger to figure out what's going on in my head and offer me the bag or empathy. Because I'm not totally entitled.

TheKeatingFive · 13/10/2021 21:38

And I absolutely wouldn't post about this poor woman on a forum and call her a dick.

Stoppochoco · 13/10/2021 21:43

@DrSbaitso

No.

So what response, apart from indifference, should she have given?

Isn't it a bit weird to make a show of concern and still do it anyway?

Sorry. I really like it and want to buy it.

No need for in depth conversation or big display of emotion.

Shrugging is a universally arsey gesture.

TheKeatingFive · 13/10/2021 21:46

Sorry. I really like it and want to buy it.

There should be absolutely no need for her to say that. She was holding it in her hand and so didn't need to justify herself to anyone.

Stoppochoco · 13/10/2021 21:51

@TheKeatingFive

Sorry. I really like it and want to buy it.

There should be absolutely no need for her to say that. She was holding it in her hand and so didn't need to justify herself to anyone.

In the real world, when someone speaks to you, the decent thing to do is to acknowledge them. Shrugging is twatty behaviour where I come from.
TheKeatingFive · 13/10/2021 21:54

In the real world, when someone speaks to you, the decent thing to do is to acknowledge them

In the real world, you don't go accosting strangers in shops because they're holding a bag that you like and try to guilt them into giving it to you.

The OP can't complain about twatty behaviour from anyone. She started it.

tigger1001 · 13/10/2021 21:56

@TheKeatingFive

Sorry. I really like it and want to buy it.

There should be absolutely no need for her to say that. She was holding it in her hand and so didn't need to justify herself to anyone.

Agreed. No explanation needed. The arsey thing was asking for it.

The poor woman was probably taken aback by the question and hopefully doesn't realise the character assassination she's had over a 30 second encounter in a shop.

Stoppochoco · 13/10/2021 21:57

@TheKeatingFive

In the real world, when someone speaks to you, the decent thing to do is to acknowledge them

In the real world, you don't go accosting strangers in shops because they're holding a bag that you like and try to guilt them into giving it to you.

The OP can't complain about twatty behaviour from anyone. She started it.

“Oh, I was going to get that, I’ve come back into town for it.”

How are you getting accosting and guilt tripping from that statement ?

TheKeatingFive · 13/10/2021 21:59

How are you getting accosting and guilt tripping from that statement ?

Have you ever approached anyone in a shop to say 'I was going to get that'? I certainly haven't. I don't know anyone who would dream of it. And what would you call it if not guilt tripping?

Just what rights does the OP think should be conferred on her because she saw it the day before?

TheKeatingFive · 13/10/2021 22:01

Let's be clear, the OP expected the woman to hand it over. In fact she called her a 'dick' for not doing so.

tigger1001 · 13/10/2021 22:03

@TheKeatingFive

In the real world, when someone speaks to you, the decent thing to do is to acknowledge them

In the real world, you don't go accosting strangers in shops because they're holding a bag that you like and try to guilt them into giving it to you.

The OP can't complain about twatty behaviour from anyone. She started it.

Totally agree!

Imagine being in a shop, minding your own business then some stranger tries to guilt trip you into handing over your potential purchase as they felt more entitled to it. And the icing on the cake is you are supposed to show empathy and explain that no you don't want to give it to them and be sympathetic to their disappointment.

TheKeatingFive · 13/10/2021 22:05

Imagine being in a shop, minding your own business then some stranger tries to guilt trip you into handing over your potential purchase as they felt more entitled to it. And the icing on the cake is you are supposed to show empathy and explain that no you don't want to give it to them and be sympathetic to their disappointment.

Utterly bizarre.

It's like a parallel universe, some of the thinking on this thread.

Just imagine marching up to someone to say 'I was going to get that' 😵

I mean, perhaps a child. But even then.

tigger1001 · 13/10/2021 22:11

@TheKeatingFive

Imagine being in a shop, minding your own business then some stranger tries to guilt trip you into handing over your potential purchase as they felt more entitled to it. And the icing on the cake is you are supposed to show empathy and explain that no you don't want to give it to them and be sympathetic to their disappointment.

Utterly bizarre.

It's like a parallel universe, some of the thinking on this thread.

Just imagine marching up to someone to say 'I was going to get that' 😵

I mean, perhaps a child. But even then.

Exactly. The poor woman was probably taken aback by the op's brazenness.

I can't imagine people actually doing that in real life.

Eleganz · 13/10/2021 22:11

Yeah well OP, tough nuts as they say.

That woman didn't know you from Adam (Eve for that matter) and certainly won't have known you were in the shop the day before but "ran out of arm space" (as if that matters). She had no reason and you had no right to expect her to hand it over.

Stoppochoco · 13/10/2021 22:13

@TheKeatingFive

How are you getting accosting and guilt tripping from that statement ?

Have you ever approached anyone in a shop to say 'I was going to get that'? I certainly haven't. I don't know anyone who would dream of it. And what would you call it if not guilt tripping?

Just what rights does the OP think should be conferred on her because she saw it the day before?

Have you never spoken to a stranger is a shop ?

You've dropped the 'accosting' bit from your description of the behaviour.

I'm still baffled by how explaining to someone in a shop 'Oh, I was going to get that, I’ve come back into town for it.” is guilt tripping. I wouldn't feel guilty if someone said that to me. I would just say ' Sorry. I really like it and want to buy it'.

Easy. No need to shrug and be an arse about it.

Stoppochoco · 13/10/2021 22:16

Exactly. The poor woman was probably taken aback by the op's brazenness.
Brazenness. Shock
I honestly don't know how some of the posters on this site cope with life.

TheKeatingFive · 13/10/2021 22:19

Have you never spoken to a stranger is a shop ?

Of course I have, don't he ridiculous. But not to lay claim to the item they're about to buy. I really honestly think people need more socialising if they think this is acceptable behaviour.

I'm still baffled by how explaining to someone in a shop 'Oh, I was going to get that, I’ve come back into town for it.” is guilt tripping.

Because she expected the woman to hand it over (remember she called her a duck when she didn't). I wouldn't have thought that needed explaining 🤦‍♀️

I wouldn't feel guilty if someone said that to me.

Well super. Most of the rest of us would be totally taken aback by such rudeness.

TheKeatingFive · 13/10/2021 22:20

Brazenness

Tell me honestly, have you ever walked up to a stranger in a shop, eyeballed what's in her hand and said 'I was going to get that'?

DrSbaitso · 13/10/2021 22:24

Sorry. I really like it and want to buy it.

How is this significantly different from a shrug and "oh, sorry"?

They communicate the exact same message with the exact same tone.

Swipe left for the next trending thread