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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to see cute baby pics

296 replies

Tevion28 · 10/10/2021 18:59

I dont think people understand how traumatic it can be to have never had your 2nd dc and end up depressed and these people know the effect its had on your life but think its okay to triumphantly announce births to you and pics of the new arrival.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tevion28 · 10/10/2021 22:19

Basically around 35 I started ttc my 2nd dc had no luck and was diagnosed with pof and was devastated it hit me like a ton of bricks my dp at the time didn't support me and I went through a emotional fallout and started suffering from extreme sadness depression etc. I also couldn't sleep and would be on the driveway crying or going around tesco at 3am.
The infertility clinic where useless with one doctor not even understanding my results and I was referred to a endo who brutally told me you have pof you will not conceive naturally so basically get on with it.

OP posts:
RevolvingPivot · 10/10/2021 22:20

[quote Cocomarine]@RevolvingPivot either read the thread or at least the OP’s posts 🤷🏻‍♀️[/quote]
I can't see if that's why I asked.

thisplaceisweird · 10/10/2021 22:20

@Tevion28

I lived next door to my sister for years but my nieces never come to say hello when they visited my sister it used to make me feel awful. My point is that I don't really see that I have involvement or a family through my sister hence no involvement in her grandchildren either.
Your reaction to her sharing a sweet photo of her grandchild is quite telling. She wanted to involve you in some way, and instead of sending her a lovely message or congratulating her (something that would make her feel nice) you come here full of anger and resentment and asking if you should bother to respond. She hasn't done anything wrong.

Again I'm really sorry this happened to you, but you have to see that acting this way wont make you happier or make it hurt less.

Cocomarine · 10/10/2021 22:21

I don’t think many people will know what POF is. Hope I’m not patronising by adding: Premature Ovarian Failure.

Original poster
Tevion28 · 10/10/2021 22:22

Some harsh people here and I hope you never suffer like I did at that time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tevion28 · 10/10/2021 22:23

Yes pof at age 35

OP posts:
Skysblue · 10/10/2021 22:23

OP yanbu to think people don’t understand- I think this thread has proved that. I have secondary infertility too so I know how you feel.

I think talking to unsympathetic strangers on Mumsnet is not going to be good for mental health though, I’d suggest a more sympathetic forum like fertility friends or a counsellor.

Original poster
Tevion28 · 10/10/2021 22:25

I had horrendous symptoms from the pof as well as dealing with not been able to have a 2nd dc. It broke my heart to know I would never ever experience pregnancy and childbirth again in my lifetime I felt old before my time it was horrible.

OP posts:
mrsevangelina · 10/10/2021 22:28

OP, I think you need to seek some urgent support. Please don't cut off your sister, she could be a huge source of support and comfort to you, maybe not now, but in future. Isolating yourself will make things worse.

Your son is probably happier at university because he is meeting new people, expanding his horizons, learning new things, living independently for the first time. Having a great time going out and being social, going up and entering the next phase of his life. In all likelihood it is nothing you've done, it's normal.

I wish you luck Thanks

Cocomarine · 10/10/2021 22:28

@Tevion28

I had horrendous symptoms from the pof as well as dealing with not been able to have a 2nd dc. It broke my heart to know I would never ever experience pregnancy and childbirth again in my lifetime I felt old before my time it was horrible.
That’s a lot to unpick much later in life with a counsellor. But not a reason to cut your sister off, possibly rashly.
RevolvingPivot · 10/10/2021 22:29

@Cocomarine

How was I supposed to know that you had searched the Op's other threads to find out the age of her child!!!

Cocomarine · 10/10/2021 22:32

[quote RevolvingPivot]@Cocomarine

How was I supposed to know that you had searched the Op's other threads to find out the age of her child!!![/quote]
You didn’t need to know that - though it would have been the obvious guess, surely? You could have just read OP posts only which mentioned a son at University, a good guide for age.

Original poster
Tevion28 · 10/10/2021 22:34

I have responded to my sisters picture by saying its lovely.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 10/10/2021 22:35

I wonder if your sister can’t do right for doing wrong. Your nieces don’t come round but when are sent pictures to involve you, that’s not right either.
It sounds like your anger at the world is clouding your judgement here.

Cocomarine · 10/10/2021 22:36

@Tevion28

I have responded to my sisters picture by saying its lovely.
I think was a good thing to do, it’s dealt with for now and you don’t need to dwell on it. I hope your counselling helps bring you to a more peaceful place Flowers
PurpleDaisies · 10/10/2021 22:36

@Tevion28

I have responded to my sisters picture by saying its lovely.
This is a great thing to have done.

Don’t do anything rash. Just keep things amiable for now.

MrsToadflax · 10/10/2021 22:38

I'm sorry you're so distressed OP. If you've made it clear you want nothing to do with children etc, that may be the reason she hasn't included you and that made it hard to form close relationships with your nieces. On the one hand you're saying you may go nc because of envy, but on the other hand you seem upset you're not included in her family life. You could have a wonderful extended family if you opened yourself up to it. Let your sister know you'd like to be included, that you still struggle and are scared of growing old alone and want your family around you. I know it's hard, but you sound so miserable and need to take some action. You have a family, there is no need to grow old alone, but you have to take a first step.

Mydogmylife · 10/10/2021 22:42

@Tevion28

I have never felt part of my sisters family sorry to say it but they haven't really bothered with me much. My sister only does stuff with her daughters and I'm never included in anything.
Perhaps as you've spent years pushing her away?
AnneLovesGilbert · 10/10/2021 22:45

Hopefully the professional help is forthcoming very soon.

A lot of people have opened up and shared their own painful stories and you’re in such a bad way you haven’t even acknowledged them.

You couldn’t conceive a second time and didn’t get another pregnancy and deserved better support than you got. You do have your son, a healthy, independent young man who’s spreading his wings aa he should. You also have a sister and a bunch of other family. All is not lost.

Thatsplentyjack · 10/10/2021 22:51

You really need to get some help. You say your neices never came to visit. Did you ever go visit them? Did you ever go and visit your sister.
You are very lucky ti have one healthy child. I very much hope his childhood wasn't clouded by your desperation to have another child, and I really hope you didn't push his family members away.

Lweji · 10/10/2021 22:57

Sometimes we get so caught up with what we don't or can't have that we lose what we do have.
It seems to me that you have fallen for this trap.
Were you able to enjoy your son properly?
You lost your DP, and it looks like you may lose, or push away your extended family.
Support is a bonus, but this is something that you need to work on for yourself. We are not owed anything. Children, in particular, can happen or not.
It's your choice to lead a happier life or not. But it is not fair to ask others around you to hide their happiness because you're jealous of them. Their babies could bring you joy as well. But you have to let go of what could have been. And good things could come to you.

seven201 · 10/10/2021 23:02

I think you've posted about your sister a few months ago for a different baby related incident? I have secondary infertility. It has changed me forever. It's been the worst time of my life, and i say that as someone who watched a parent die when younger. I'm only 4 years in and still fighting for that baby so I'm a different place. You really do need to fight for the support you need. You can't keep going on like this. I don't think your sister's actions are that bad, sorry.

LawnFever · 10/10/2021 23:04

@Tevion28

Basically around 35 I started ttc my 2nd dc had no luck and was diagnosed with pof and was devastated it hit me like a ton of bricks my dp at the time didn't support me and I went through a emotional fallout and started suffering from extreme sadness depression etc. I also couldn't sleep and would be on the driveway crying or going around tesco at 3am. The infertility clinic where useless with one doctor not even understanding my results and I was referred to a endo who brutally told me you have pof you will not conceive naturally so basically get on with it.
Around the same age I had the same but with no DC to start with, and will never have a child of my own.

You’re very very lucky to have your son and I feel it’s a huge shame you can’t see how privileged you are to have him.

user1471604848 · 10/10/2021 23:07

It's worrying that after 18 years, this is still so raw for you, with no acceptance of the situation.
Do you ever count your blessings, and imagine how the last 18 years would have been, if you had had no child?

I understand that this is a huge issue for you, but you need some help to accept the situation.

QuestionEverythingBaby · 10/10/2021 23:24

So you didn’t actually lose a DC you just couldn’t have another one? Sorry but yabu as you probably already know. You have a DS and you need to start appreciating what you have. So he’s gone away to uni and doesn’t want you to come to visit every other week (from your other thread) it’s perfectly normal for him to be enjoying himself without you.

I hope your therapy sessions will help you with your feelings and help you find peace with your life. I also hope you can build bridges with your sister and maybe even be a great! great auntie to the new addition in YOUR family.

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